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What would you define as a "real relationship"? Is texting someone once a month any different than commenting on things going on in their lives, or messaging th

What would you define as a "real relationship"? Is texting someone once a month any different than commenting on things going on in their lives, or messaging them on [insert platform]? My view is no - a relationship, whether by social media, text messages, or shared experiences, does not make any other form invalid or less real. I have seen people fall in love purely from online interactions while playing games, or chatting in IRC - these relationships are as real as any other. One person's notion of relationships may be different than another's, and that's ok, but trying to say one's notion is more real than another is hogwash. Depth is not so easily measured here either - direct text messages can also be just as banal (or more) as social media interaction in developing relationships. I still remember times before Facebook came to dominate social media. It was difficult to keep tabs on friends, and the barrier was higher to keeping in touch with someone you met casually in person, as there are a lot of people who are less willing to share phone numbers with people they just met - there is something intensely personal about phone numbers or similar to many people, which still holds today. I think many people under appreciate this, and the controls for managing the communication relationship social media gives you (or at least Facebook - Twitter's are garbage). I use social media casually today - just Facebook and rarely Instagram, and post maybe once a day or every other day. I am in some FB group chats, all which could be text messages, but text messages aren't as robust of a medium (for example, location sharing in a group or easy searching of pictures people want to use to respond with).

godelski 8y ago
Well there's a complicated answer, because there are different kinds of relationships. What I noticed with facebook is that it encouraged a lot of vapid relationships. Not real. And it really discouraged getting to know someone. And here's a difference in a texting once a month instead of seeing pictures on fb and messaging. We have to tell each other what happened to us. Now that may seem simple, but there's a lot that unpacks in that. Jokes happen and you get more a sense of what happened than being shown. You are forced to see the events through your friends eyes. You are automatically filled in on the parts that are important to them, and not the parts that appear most appealing. I do think the barrier for keeping in touch should be high. You can't reasonable have a good friendship with a lot of people. So it forces you to pick and choose where you are going to devote your emotional time and energy. That's because relationships take work. Knowing someone and what they do isn't a relationship. So someone you have met once and never really talk to is like the relationship you have with a celebrity. It isn't real, but facebook makes it feel that way. I'm not saying all relationships have to be the same as those of a best friend, but I think social media encourages a type of relationship that is more destructive than beneficial. There's also a lot more, but this is already long. As for instant messaging vs text? Who said I don't use instant messaging? I just don't use Facebook. I do use Signal, WhatsApp, GChat, etc. Friends never have a hard time getting ahold of me. I'm still connected, just not with relationships I don't consider "real".

godelski 8y ago

Well there's a complicated answer, because there are different kinds of relationships. What I noticed with facebook is that it encouraged a lot of vapid relationships. Not real. And it really discouraged getting to know someone. And here's a difference in a texting once a month instead of seeing pictures on fb and messaging. We have to tell each other what happened to us. Now that may seem simple, but there's a lot that unpacks in that. Jokes happen and you get more a sense of what happened than being shown. You are forced to see the events through your friends eyes. You are automatically filled in on the parts that are important to them, and not the parts that appear most appealing. I do think the barrier for keeping in touch should be high. You can't reasonable have a good friendship with a lot of people. So it forces you to pick and choose where you are going to devote your emotional time and energy. That's because relationships take work. Knowing someone and what they do isn't a relationship. So someone you have met once and never really talk to is like the relationship you have with a celebrity. It isn't real, but facebook makes it feel that way. I'm not saying all relationships have to be the same as those of a best friend, but I think social media encourages a type of relationship that is more destructive than beneficial. There's also a lot more, but this is already long. As for instant messaging vs text? Who said I don't use instant messaging? I just don't use Facebook. I do use Signal, WhatsApp, GChat, etc. Friends never have a hard time getting ahold of me. I'm still connected, just not with relationships I don't consider "real".