4 ms·

You made the normal looking guy sound like a douche? That may be the reason he got so many winks and responses. Often being an arrogant douche can be mistaken

by mburney 16y ago

You made the normal looking guy sound like a douche? That may be the reason he got so many winks and responses. Often being an arrogant douche can be mistaken for confidence and attractiveness.

Udo 16y ago
You made the normal looking guy sound like a douche? That was after I concluded his test with a normal-sounding profile.
kls 16y ago
Right, that was what I was thinking. Females love confidence whether it comes is the vessel of an asshole or a nice guy. I once had a girlfriend who I did not like, shallow as a wading pool. I made a bet with a buddy of mine that not only could I get her to break up with me, but I could get her to sleep with our other buddy (who was in on it). All I had to do was have a crisis of confidence in which I was no longer decisive, confident, surly arrogant in a humors way. No, I was spineless, Lilly-liveried. All the things my buddy was not, and I made sure to talk about how cool he was all the time, how he got all the girls and did I mention how cool he was. The buddy I made the bet with was floored at the surgical precision of the whole event and also at how so spiteful and hateful that she became towards me in the process. The events unfolded at my birthday party in which she slept with our friend in his bedroom. They talked for a little while, got up right in front of me, with no respect and no regard, went into the bedroom and shut the door. The buddy, I made the bet with's jaw was on the floor. I was smiling like the cat that ate the canary and everyone at the party is looking at me like, dude did that just happen to him.
- sp4rki 16y ago
  I had a similar experience once. I'm a bit of an introvert, but have awesome social skills, and was teaching a friend of mine how anyone can get a hottie if he's confident enough. I got the hottie to go home with him by being confident first to lure her in, and then breaking down and making my friend look alpha in the process. His jaw also dropped when he realized it was that easy. He still sucks at getting women to do what he wants.
  - kls 16y ago
    Right, confidence has a lot to do with the mating game. Which brings up the grandparent posters comment about being ugly. The fact is for him it does not matter for a woman looks are far down on the totum poll whereas for men conversely they are far up. A good deal of men don't understand this because we as human reason from our perspective. We tend to project, so unattractive men tend to project that women think they are unattractive and given that attractiveness is such a high weight for them they obviously do not have a shot. The thing is just as a beautiful woman sets of a chain of bio-chemical reactions in a mans brain, a alpha male does the same for women. So being a strong (not just physically) man is far more important than looks. It is the reason women are attracted to older men, they generally exhibit more of the Alpha traits. The best advice I can offer someone who feels that they cannot get a beautiful woman is to work on their confidence. Just as a woman can augment herself to be more attractive so can a man augment himself to be more dominate, not in a beat you wife tell her what to do way, But in a win friends and influence people kind of way. Tip #1 is dress sharp, the cloths really do make the man. You don't have to dress up but dress sharp. It is a male boob job, women don't look at a mans face they look at his cloths, his shoes. How many times have you heard a woman say they love a man in uniform, there is a reason? You would be surprised what looking good with a little bit of style can do for your confidence. It makes you walk different, it makes you talk different and women have years of adaptation that pick up on these little nuances.
    - Udo 16y ago
      While I suspect you are generally right and a guy appearing "alpha" is very important when women rate attractiveness, I don't see my not-too-serious A/B test fitting into the story here. Dressing sharp, being an assertive jerk, all that was actually eliminated on account of this being a simple online test where all other factors besides the optics of the face were pretty much equalized. That doesn't mean you're wrong, but it also means in addition to the "dog pack psychology" ranking there is probably a facial attractiveness criterion at work here that is just as important to women as it is to men. On a darker side note, if we take it for granted that both sexes prefer attractive people in equal measures, there appear to be crass differences in other expectations that depress me somewhat. For example, what I find attractive in a woman: - good sense of humor - being nice and constructive - intelligence and wisdom - adventurousness and a sense of wonder - creativity - good sex and a sense of intimacy ...contrasts pretty sharply with what women want in men: - assertiveness and dominance - always puts himself in the best light - money and good clothes - adherence to tradition / gender roles - perceived aura of success Well, it may be polemic, but you can see the different qualities at work here. The worst thing is, I'm beginning to see my past relationships through that lens and I honestly cannot tell anymore if it's just the resignation talking or if this is actually how the world worked the whole time.

by mburney 16y ago

You made the normal looking guy sound like a douche? That may be the reason he got so many winks and responses. Often being an arrogant douche can be mistaken for confidence and attractiveness.

Udo 16y ago

You made the normal looking guy sound like a douche? That was after I concluded his test with a normal-sounding profile.

kls 16y ago

Right, that was what I was thinking. Females love confidence whether it comes is the vessel of an asshole or a nice guy. I once had a girlfriend who I did not like, shallow as a wading pool. I made a bet with a buddy of mine that not only could I get her to break up with me, but I could get her to sleep with our other buddy (who was in on it). All I had to do was have a crisis of confidence in which I was no longer decisive, confident, surly arrogant in a humors way. No, I was spineless, Lilly-liveried. All the things my buddy was not, and I made sure to talk about how cool he was all the time, how he got all the girls and did I mention how cool he was. The buddy I made the bet with was floored at the surgical precision of the whole event and also at how so spiteful and hateful that she became towards me in the process. The events unfolded at my birthday party in which she slept with our friend in his bedroom. They talked for a little while, got up right in front of me, with no respect and no regard, went into the bedroom and shut the door. The buddy, I made the bet with's jaw was on the floor. I was smiling like the cat that ate the canary and everyone at the party is looking at me like, dude did that just happen to him.

sp4rki 16y ago
I had a similar experience once. I'm a bit of an introvert, but have awesome social skills, and was teaching a friend of mine how anyone can get a hottie if he's confident enough. I got the hottie to go home with him by being confident first to lure her in, and then breaking down and making my friend look alpha in the process. His jaw also dropped when he realized it was that easy. He still sucks at getting women to do what he wants.
- kls 16y ago
  Right, confidence has a lot to do with the mating game. Which brings up the grandparent posters comment about being ugly. The fact is for him it does not matter for a woman looks are far down on the totum poll whereas for men conversely they are far up. A good deal of men don't understand this because we as human reason from our perspective. We tend to project, so unattractive men tend to project that women think they are unattractive and given that attractiveness is such a high weight for them they obviously do not have a shot. The thing is just as a beautiful woman sets of a chain of bio-chemical reactions in a mans brain, a alpha male does the same for women. So being a strong (not just physically) man is far more important than looks. It is the reason women are attracted to older men, they generally exhibit more of the Alpha traits. The best advice I can offer someone who feels that they cannot get a beautiful woman is to work on their confidence. Just as a woman can augment herself to be more attractive so can a man augment himself to be more dominate, not in a beat you wife tell her what to do way, But in a win friends and influence people kind of way. Tip #1 is dress sharp, the cloths really do make the man. You don't have to dress up but dress sharp. It is a male boob job, women don't look at a mans face they look at his cloths, his shoes. How many times have you heard a woman say they love a man in uniform, there is a reason? You would be surprised what looking good with a little bit of style can do for your confidence. It makes you walk different, it makes you talk different and women have years of adaptation that pick up on these little nuances.
  - Udo 16y ago
    While I suspect you are generally right and a guy appearing "alpha" is very important when women rate attractiveness, I don't see my not-too-serious A/B test fitting into the story here. Dressing sharp, being an assertive jerk, all that was actually eliminated on account of this being a simple online test where all other factors besides the optics of the face were pretty much equalized. That doesn't mean you're wrong, but it also means in addition to the "dog pack psychology" ranking there is probably a facial attractiveness criterion at work here that is just as important to women as it is to men. On a darker side note, if we take it for granted that both sexes prefer attractive people in equal measures, there appear to be crass differences in other expectations that depress me somewhat. For example, what I find attractive in a woman: - good sense of humor - being nice and constructive - intelligence and wisdom - adventurousness and a sense of wonder - creativity - good sex and a sense of intimacy ...contrasts pretty sharply with what women want in men: - assertiveness and dominance - always puts himself in the best light - money and good clothes - adherence to tradition / gender roles - perceived aura of success Well, it may be polemic, but you can see the different qualities at work here. The worst thing is, I'm beginning to see my past relationships through that lens and I honestly cannot tell anymore if it's just the resignation talking or if this is actually how the world worked the whole time.