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The problem I have with this answer is it basically denies the problem exists. Sure, in a sense, everything is subjective. All suffering is caused by the lens

The problem I have with this answer is it basically denies the problem exists. Sure, in a sense, everything is subjective. All suffering is caused by the lens through which we filter reality. I believe Viktor Frankl writes persuasively on this topic after his experience in a concentration camp. But that’s a non answer in any practical terms, and telling someone their suffering is all in their head is rarely a solution for anything. This person made a series of choices over many years that has led to being 35, with no partner, no kids, no career, and no artistic pursuits. This legitimately sucks and is a hard problem that can’t be fixed overnight. It’s certainly not going to go away by denying that it sucks and all you need is an attitude adjustment. The person who wrote this response has a husband, kids, a prominent column and a book deal. She should be ashamed for her response. The person writing in can change their life, and all those awesome experiences will be of use and enrich the future. But the change toward the life they want will probably require small, incremental, consistent steps, hard work, and honesty. Anyway, that’s what I think.

rifung 8y ago
> But that’s a non answer in any practical terms, and telling someone their suffering is all in their head is rarely a solution for anything. Hm I disagree with this but am open to be shown why I'm wrong. > This person made a series of choices over many years that has led to being 35, with no partner, no kids, no career, and no artistic pursuits. This legitimately sucks and is a hard problem that can’t be fixed overnight. It’s certainly not going to go away by denying that it sucks and all you need is an attitude adjustment. You are assuming that this sucks but I would then ask why does it suck? I imagine there are people who also have no partner, kids, career, or artistic pursuits and are happy living their lives that way. My understanding is that the unhappiness stems from her own expectations. She's unhappy because she wanted something and doesn't have it. But the reality is that even if she gets all the things she talks about, she may still be unhappy because she wants other things. It is like people who continue to make more money but also continue to strive to have fancier and fancier things. So I guess I disagree because I think an attitude adjustment is indeed the right thing to do here. Don't get me wrong, there are very real problems that this person is facing like her finances or lack of close friends. But things like having a career, artistic pursuits, and arguably kids, are not things that are required for living.

rifung 8y ago

> But that’s a non answer in any practical terms, and telling someone their suffering is all in their head is rarely a solution for anything. Hm I disagree with this but am open to be shown why I'm wrong. > This person made a series of choices over many years that has led to being 35, with no partner, no kids, no career, and no artistic pursuits. This legitimately sucks and is a hard problem that can’t be fixed overnight. It’s certainly not going to go away by denying that it sucks and all you need is an attitude adjustment. You are assuming that this sucks but I would then ask why does it suck? I imagine there are people who also have no partner, kids, career, or artistic pursuits and are happy living their lives that way. My understanding is that the unhappiness stems from her own expectations. She's unhappy because she wanted something and doesn't have it. But the reality is that even if she gets all the things she talks about, she may still be unhappy because she wants other things. It is like people who continue to make more money but also continue to strive to have fancier and fancier things. So I guess I disagree because I think an attitude adjustment is indeed the right thing to do here. Don't get me wrong, there are very real problems that this person is facing like her finances or lack of close friends. But things like having a career, artistic pursuits, and arguably kids, are not things that are required for living.