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They probably shouldn’t though, being an old man when your kids are teenagers isn’t very fair on anyone.

by jf- 8y ago

manfredo 8y ago
I'm not sure this is always the case, starting a family later has a swath of benefits such as more life experience on on the part of parents, greater financial stability, and usually more ability to take time off. Both my parents quit their jobs and raised kids full time when my sister was born, and they were largely able to do so because they had kids later than average.
- jf- 8y ago
  Balanced vs. ill health due to old age and dying earlier in your child’s life. I’ll agree that having children somewhat later, circa thirties, is better due to stability than twenties, but pushing into the forties is too much for me.
- Konnstann 8y ago
  Don't forget higher chances your kid has a genetic disorder, and not being able to play sports with your kid because of bad joints. The situation you describe isn't one most people can relate to, given early retirement is not common.
radford-neal 8y ago
I had a kid at age 51. That was 11 years ago. My age has caused no problems whatsoever. I don't expect it to be a problem in the future. People who are no longer young should simply ignore this sort of advice. Unless you're in (seriously) poor health, just go for it.
- endtime 8y ago
  As a 32-year-old with 3 kids, my parents are still in their mid-50s and can watch our kids for a week while we go on vacation. My father-in-law passed away last in his mid-70s (my mother-in-law is amazing and is a huge help, but she can't watch 3 kids alone for a week). There's a good chance my parents will be at my kids' weddings. When you're 83 and your kid is my age, he'll probably wish there was anything he could do to make you 20 years younger. I'm not saying you shouldn't have had a kid, or anything like that, but I don't know how you can suggest that it will never be a problem that you are a relatively old father (versus if you had kids in your 30s, other things being equal, which obviously they aren't).
  - radford-neal 8y ago
    It's nice that your parents are able to help with your kids. But, you know, it's rather common nowadays for people with kids to have parents (whatever their age) that live thousands of miles away...
- jf- 8y ago
  I debated about whether to post this, because it’s rather emotive, even unsettling, but on the off chance it might actually sway someone, I will. The average life expectancy for a male in the USA is 76. All other things being equal, a 51 year old father will die when their offspring is 25 years old. This is too early to lose a parent. Think about how this would have effected you, reader of this post. This is also assuming that the father does not experience any debilitating illnesses prior to dying, such as dementia, which would place an inordinate burden on a young person, who would have far fewer resources and life experience to draw on during such an ordeal. These are not small potatoes. Think before you act, be responsible. You’re gambling with someone else’s life and wellbeing.
  - radford-neal 8y ago
    Oh? Would you like to tell when is a _good_ time for your father to die? He's going to die sometime, you know. And maybe taking care of a parent with dementia is actually more of a problem when you're older and have kids of your own? At my advanced age, I have the advantage of remembering things like the arguments you would hear back in the 1960's about why interracial marriage was a bad idea. Not because we're racist of course! But think of the practical difficulties. Like, the kids won't fit into either community! I'm sure you can think of more reasons too.
    - jf- 8y ago
      > Oh? Would you like to tell when is a _good_ time for your father to die? The later the better. > And maybe taking care of a parent with dementia is actually more of a problem when you're older and have kids of your own? It would certainly be easier to deal with when you have more stability in your life and are more emotionally mature. > At my advanced age, I have the advantage of remembering things like the arguments you would hear back in the 1960's about why interracial marriage was a bad idea. Not because we're racist of course! But think of the practical difficulties. Like, the kids won't fit into either community! I'm sure you can think of more reasons too. Do you really think this is a reasonable comparison? Of course you’ll say that you do. It’s not.

They probably shouldn’t though, being an old man when your kids are teenagers isn’t very fair on anyone.

by jf- 8y ago

They probably shouldn’t though, being an old man when your kids are teenagers isn’t very fair on anyone.

I'm not sure this is always the case, starting a family later has a swath of benefits such as more life experience on on the part of parents, greater financial stability, and usually more ability to take time off. Both my parents quit their jobs and raised kids full time when my sister was born, and they were largely able to do so because they had kids later than average.

jf- 8y ago
Balanced vs. ill health due to old age and dying earlier in your child’s life. I’ll agree that having children somewhat later, circa thirties, is better due to stability than twenties, but pushing into the forties is too much for me.
Konnstann 8y ago
Don't forget higher chances your kid has a genetic disorder, and not being able to play sports with your kid because of bad joints. The situation you describe isn't one most people can relate to, given early retirement is not common.

radford-neal 8y ago

I had a kid at age 51. That was 11 years ago. My age has caused no problems whatsoever. I don't expect it to be a problem in the future. People who are no longer young should simply ignore this sort of advice. Unless you're in (seriously) poor health, just go for it.

endtime 8y ago
As a 32-year-old with 3 kids, my parents are still in their mid-50s and can watch our kids for a week while we go on vacation. My father-in-law passed away last in his mid-70s (my mother-in-law is amazing and is a huge help, but she can't watch 3 kids alone for a week). There's a good chance my parents will be at my kids' weddings. When you're 83 and your kid is my age, he'll probably wish there was anything he could do to make you 20 years younger. I'm not saying you shouldn't have had a kid, or anything like that, but I don't know how you can suggest that it will never be a problem that you are a relatively old father (versus if you had kids in your 30s, other things being equal, which obviously they aren't).
- radford-neal 8y ago
  It's nice that your parents are able to help with your kids. But, you know, it's rather common nowadays for people with kids to have parents (whatever their age) that live thousands of miles away...
jf- 8y ago
I debated about whether to post this, because it’s rather emotive, even unsettling, but on the off chance it might actually sway someone, I will. The average life expectancy for a male in the USA is 76. All other things being equal, a 51 year old father will die when their offspring is 25 years old. This is too early to lose a parent. Think about how this would have effected you, reader of this post. This is also assuming that the father does not experience any debilitating illnesses prior to dying, such as dementia, which would place an inordinate burden on a young person, who would have far fewer resources and life experience to draw on during such an ordeal. These are not small potatoes. Think before you act, be responsible. You’re gambling with someone else’s life and wellbeing.
- radford-neal 8y ago
  Oh? Would you like to tell when is a _good_ time for your father to die? He's going to die sometime, you know. And maybe taking care of a parent with dementia is actually more of a problem when you're older and have kids of your own? At my advanced age, I have the advantage of remembering things like the arguments you would hear back in the 1960's about why interracial marriage was a bad idea. Not because we're racist of course! But think of the practical difficulties. Like, the kids won't fit into either community! I'm sure you can think of more reasons too.
  - jf- 8y ago
    > Oh? Would you like to tell when is a _good_ time for your father to die? The later the better. > And maybe taking care of a parent with dementia is actually more of a problem when you're older and have kids of your own? It would certainly be easier to deal with when you have more stability in your life and are more emotionally mature. > At my advanced age, I have the advantage of remembering things like the arguments you would hear back in the 1960's about why interracial marriage was a bad idea. Not because we're racist of course! But think of the practical difficulties. Like, the kids won't fit into either community! I'm sure you can think of more reasons too. Do you really think this is a reasonable comparison? Of course you’ll say that you do. It’s not.