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Men don't have the same time pressure to start a family with many starting at 45+. The other thing is men often become more attractive to women as they age due

by MRD85 8y ago

Men don't have the same time pressure to start a family with many starting at 45+. The other thing is men often become more attractive to women as they age due to things like financial success while the same can't be said for women.

jf- 8y ago
They probably shouldn’t though, being an old man when your kids are teenagers isn’t very fair on anyone.
- manfredo 8y ago
  I'm not sure this is always the case, starting a family later has a swath of benefits such as more life experience on on the part of parents, greater financial stability, and usually more ability to take time off. Both my parents quit their jobs and raised kids full time when my sister was born, and they were largely able to do so because they had kids later than average.
  - jf- 8y ago
    Balanced vs. ill health due to old age and dying earlier in your child’s life. I’ll agree that having children somewhat later, circa thirties, is better due to stability than twenties, but pushing into the forties is too much for me.
  - Konnstann 8y ago
    Don't forget higher chances your kid has a genetic disorder, and not being able to play sports with your kid because of bad joints. The situation you describe isn't one most people can relate to, given early retirement is not common.
- radford-neal 8y ago
  I had a kid at age 51. That was 11 years ago. My age has caused no problems whatsoever. I don't expect it to be a problem in the future. People who are no longer young should simply ignore this sort of advice. Unless you're in (seriously) poor health, just go for it.
  - endtime 8y ago
    As a 32-year-old with 3 kids, my parents are still in their mid-50s and can watch our kids for a week while we go on vacation. My father-in-law passed away last in his mid-70s (my mother-in-law is amazing and is a huge help, but she can't watch 3 kids alone for a week). There's a good chance my parents will be at my kids' weddings. When you're 83 and your kid is my age, he'll probably wish there was anything he could do to make you 20 years younger. I'm not saying you shouldn't have had a kid, or anything like that, but I don't know how you can suggest that it will never be a problem that you are a relatively old father (versus if you had kids in your 30s, other things being equal, which obviously they aren't).
    - radford-neal 8y ago
      It's nice that your parents are able to help with your kids. But, you know, it's rather common nowadays for people with kids to have parents (whatever their age) that live thousands of miles away...
  - jf- 8y ago
    I debated about whether to post this, because it’s rather emotive, even unsettling, but on the off chance it might actually sway someone, I will. The average life expectancy for a male in the USA is 76. All other things being equal, a 51 year old father will die when their offspring is 25 years old. This is too early to lose a parent. Think about how this would have effected you, reader of this post. This is also assuming that the father does not experience any debilitating illnesses prior to dying, such as dementia, which would place an inordinate burden on a young person, who would have far fewer resources and life experience to draw on during such an ordeal. These are not small potatoes. Think before you act, be responsible. You’re gambling with someone else’s life and wellbeing.
    - radford-neal 8y ago
      Oh? Would you like to tell when is a _good_ time for your father to die? He's going to die sometime, you know. And maybe taking care of a parent with dementia is actually more of a problem when you're older and have kids of your own? At my advanced age, I have the advantage of remembering things like the arguments you would hear back in the 1960's about why interracial marriage was a bad idea. Not because we're racist of course! But think of the practical difficulties. Like, the kids won't fit into either community! I'm sure you can think of more reasons too.
amyjess 8y ago
Sorry, I wasn't clear. I meant that women who don't become interested in having a long-term committed relationship until later in life have the option of dating men who followed the same path as them, as well as the option of dating divorced men.
- sheepmullet 8y ago
  > option of dating men who followed the same path as them No they don’t. A 35 year old man can date a 25 year old woman whereas the reverse is a lot less common. As such the 35 year old man has a lot more options than a 35 year old woman. > as well as the option of dating divorced men. Divorced men tend to have very different life goals and expectations than early 30s women.
  - JimboOmega 8y ago
    I would hope that as they mature, at least some men realize there is more value in a partner than youthful good looks. That others who have led winding and complex paths in life are often more mature, supportive, and all around better partners than someone whose world view is, essentially, "I'm attractive so people do what I want". Perhaps a lot of 35 year old women have realized that the value of a young attractive partner isn't very high and have realized that a committed relationship can bring happiness? Imagine how a man might pick a woman if attractiness was completely off the table - an older woman is generally more mature, more sure of herself, simply had more life experiences and knows how to handle more situations. A 21 year old has barely spent any time supporting herself; a 35 year old has moore than a decade of life. Perhaps women value men this way; with physical attractiveness less important than emotional maturity? Which tends to increase with age?
    - sheepmullet 8y ago
      > Imagine how a man might pick a woman if attractiness was completely off the table Loyalty, playfulness, flexibility, kindness, intelligence, high energy levels, ability to have kids, doesn’t already have kids, etc. None of which are positively correlated with a woman’s age.
brootstrap 8y ago
women like aging white men because of our sweet dad bods, lawn mowing skills, and obsession with sports.
- Dirlewanger 8y ago
  They like them because they see them as non-threatening providers; women didn't flock to the dad bod guys during college.
  - MRD85 8y ago
    They never see the dad bod as a sexual thing, it's more a symbol of other traits that the man brings to a relationship. Traits that are very important to a woman looking to start a family. The 'hot body' will still be their sexual choice but it's a trade-off.
dominotw 8y ago
> Men don't have the same time pressure to start a family with many starting at 45+. not sure if many men can partner up with someone 15 yrs younger.

by MRD85 8y ago

jf- 8y ago

They probably shouldn’t though, being an old man when your kids are teenagers isn’t very fair on anyone.

manfredo 8y ago
I'm not sure this is always the case, starting a family later has a swath of benefits such as more life experience on on the part of parents, greater financial stability, and usually more ability to take time off. Both my parents quit their jobs and raised kids full time when my sister was born, and they were largely able to do so because they had kids later than average.
- jf- 8y ago
  Balanced vs. ill health due to old age and dying earlier in your child’s life. I’ll agree that having children somewhat later, circa thirties, is better due to stability than twenties, but pushing into the forties is too much for me.
- Konnstann 8y ago
  Don't forget higher chances your kid has a genetic disorder, and not being able to play sports with your kid because of bad joints. The situation you describe isn't one most people can relate to, given early retirement is not common.
radford-neal 8y ago
I had a kid at age 51. That was 11 years ago. My age has caused no problems whatsoever. I don't expect it to be a problem in the future. People who are no longer young should simply ignore this sort of advice. Unless you're in (seriously) poor health, just go for it.
- endtime 8y ago
  As a 32-year-old with 3 kids, my parents are still in their mid-50s and can watch our kids for a week while we go on vacation. My father-in-law passed away last in his mid-70s (my mother-in-law is amazing and is a huge help, but she can't watch 3 kids alone for a week). There's a good chance my parents will be at my kids' weddings. When you're 83 and your kid is my age, he'll probably wish there was anything he could do to make you 20 years younger. I'm not saying you shouldn't have had a kid, or anything like that, but I don't know how you can suggest that it will never be a problem that you are a relatively old father (versus if you had kids in your 30s, other things being equal, which obviously they aren't).
  - radford-neal 8y ago
    It's nice that your parents are able to help with your kids. But, you know, it's rather common nowadays for people with kids to have parents (whatever their age) that live thousands of miles away...
- jf- 8y ago
  I debated about whether to post this, because it’s rather emotive, even unsettling, but on the off chance it might actually sway someone, I will. The average life expectancy for a male in the USA is 76. All other things being equal, a 51 year old father will die when their offspring is 25 years old. This is too early to lose a parent. Think about how this would have effected you, reader of this post. This is also assuming that the father does not experience any debilitating illnesses prior to dying, such as dementia, which would place an inordinate burden on a young person, who would have far fewer resources and life experience to draw on during such an ordeal. These are not small potatoes. Think before you act, be responsible. You’re gambling with someone else’s life and wellbeing.
  - radford-neal 8y ago
    Oh? Would you like to tell when is a _good_ time for your father to die? He's going to die sometime, you know. And maybe taking care of a parent with dementia is actually more of a problem when you're older and have kids of your own? At my advanced age, I have the advantage of remembering things like the arguments you would hear back in the 1960's about why interracial marriage was a bad idea. Not because we're racist of course! But think of the practical difficulties. Like, the kids won't fit into either community! I'm sure you can think of more reasons too.

amyjess 8y ago

Sorry, I wasn't clear. I meant that women who don't become interested in having a long-term committed relationship until later in life have the option of dating men who followed the same path as them, as well as the option of dating divorced men.

sheepmullet 8y ago
> option of dating men who followed the same path as them No they don’t. A 35 year old man can date a 25 year old woman whereas the reverse is a lot less common. As such the 35 year old man has a lot more options than a 35 year old woman. > as well as the option of dating divorced men. Divorced men tend to have very different life goals and expectations than early 30s women.
- JimboOmega 8y ago
  I would hope that as they mature, at least some men realize there is more value in a partner than youthful good looks. That others who have led winding and complex paths in life are often more mature, supportive, and all around better partners than someone whose world view is, essentially, "I'm attractive so people do what I want". Perhaps a lot of 35 year old women have realized that the value of a young attractive partner isn't very high and have realized that a committed relationship can bring happiness? Imagine how a man might pick a woman if attractiness was completely off the table - an older woman is generally more mature, more sure of herself, simply had more life experiences and knows how to handle more situations. A 21 year old has barely spent any time supporting herself; a 35 year old has moore than a decade of life. Perhaps women value men this way; with physical attractiveness less important than emotional maturity? Which tends to increase with age?
  - sheepmullet 8y ago
    > Imagine how a man might pick a woman if attractiness was completely off the table Loyalty, playfulness, flexibility, kindness, intelligence, high energy levels, ability to have kids, doesn’t already have kids, etc. None of which are positively correlated with a woman’s age.

brootstrap 8y ago

women like aging white men because of our sweet dad bods, lawn mowing skills, and obsession with sports.

Dirlewanger 8y ago
They like them because they see them as non-threatening providers; women didn't flock to the dad bod guys during college.
- MRD85 8y ago
  They never see the dad bod as a sexual thing, it's more a symbol of other traits that the man brings to a relationship. Traits that are very important to a woman looking to start a family. The 'hot body' will still be their sexual choice but it's a trade-off.

dominotw 8y ago

> Men don't have the same time pressure to start a family with many starting at 45+. not sure if many men can partner up with someone 15 yrs younger.