8 ms·

The average American spends too much time at work to not have some sort of social, not 100% related to work, activities and groups that they can be apart of. A

The average American spends too much time at work to not have some sort of social, not 100% related to work, activities and groups that they can be apart of. As a black employee I'm very plugged in the employee resource group for black employees at my organization. I've been able to give back to the local community through volunteering, develop mentee and mentor relationships through this network and develop a sense that there are folks who are not connected to my day to day work that 'have my back', it definitely helps with retention. A coworker of mine is very involved with the Indian ERG, and another sings choir with the Christian ERG on Wednesdays. These sorts of groups get a lot of flak from folks who don't think these groups should exist or that companies should not focus on "diversity", but at the end of the day they provide an infrastructure that communities can build on, and that's very important. Even when I'm having a terrible day, walking through the hallway and having a quick chat with someone who've I've met through these networks is extremely valuable. I'd recommend anyone who feels loneliness at work to take a look at what ERGs your company may have established, not all of them are tied to a racial, religious, or sexual identity. The maker group at my employer is pretty big and active last I checked.

atom-morgan 8y ago
> These sorts of groups get a lot of flak from folks who don't think these groups should exist or that companies should not focus on "diversity" Including myself (mixed race). I find the "hang out with people who look like me" mentality to be really weird and when a company's idea of diversity is basically this, it's more offensive than racial slurs to be honest.
- 40acres 8y ago
  I think of these groups as a shallow proxy for common interests, as mentioned I've seen ERG type groups at my company that don't have to deal with sexual, racial, gender, etc identity. These groups are similar to an ice breaker in a conversation with someone new, usually I try to find something common with a person I've just met that we can share experiences over. The ERGs at my org are not exclusive at all, the Latino, Women, and Black ERGs organize a yearly leadership conference that everyone is invited too and has a very diverse set of topics that can be discussed. The new grads at my company are automatically enrolled into the ERG mailing list and I've developed really tight bonds with folks I met there, there is a yearly ski trip with about 25 people that I'm apart of that started with folks who met through the new grad ERG.
- Raphmedia 8y ago
  I doubt it's "we share a skin color, let's hang out" for anyone. It's more of a "we share the same challenges and hardships, let's compare notes" mentality.
  - Raphmedia 8y ago
    Interesting how this comment went from very upvoted to downvoted. Must be a controversial topic. Anyone care to explain why the downvotes? I try to avoid repeating mistakes and I don't have a lot of comments in the negative. Pointers would be awesome. As per the site's rules: Instead of "you're doing it wrong", suggest alternatives. When someone is learning, help them learn more.
    - brokenmachine 8y ago
      Your post suggests that people with the same skin color share the same challenges and hardships, which just doesn't seem correct to me. I have no idea if that's why your post was downvoted but anecdotally, asking why you were downvoted only ever elicits more downvotes. Quoting site rules is definitely not going to help your case. They're just imaginary points. Best to just forget about it and move on.
      - Raphmedia 8y ago
        Based on personal experience, I strongly believe that people with the same nationality, religion or gender do share the same a lot of the same challenges and hardships. That's the entire point of those groups. That was my direct answer to atom-morgan's post who said: “I find the "hang out with people who look like me" mentality to be really weird”. As for the points themselves I don't care, it's how the post slowly rose to positive and then hit negative in an instant that made me confused. But then again, perhaps I should put away my tinfoil hat.
- maxxxxx 8y ago
  I am a white male and in my department we have a lower percentage than a lot of the groups who have an ERG. Sometimes I toy with the idea of opening up an ERG for white males. I wonder how this would come across. I don't really understand why all these groups are around race, sexuality or gender. This seems to me the opposite of diversity. In my view there should be groups around interests instead.
  - Spooky23 8y ago
    Usually it's about cultural or other shared affiliations. My dad was a big member of the "Emerald Society" at his employer, which was a group of Irish immigrants and mostly first-generation US born children. A great, non third-rail example of why this is relevant can be seen in the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". There's a shared cultural, religious and other heritage and story that holds the characters together. As a white guy, I would find a white-guy club really weird. I could see something like a dad group, baseball team or fan group, engineering society, a catholic religious/service group or something similar as something that I would potentially identify with. Maybe some sort of Irish heritage thing, but I don't know if that would be relevant to me, as there isn't really a shared experience there.
    - 1999 8y ago
      Also as a white guy, my ancestors have been in North America for quite a while, are mixed between and culturally disconnected from European identities since before the current NA countries were created, also since before some of the current European countries were created, and the ones that did exist back then have probably attacked us at one point or another. Even though I like them, adopting an European cultural identity would be fake and I absolutely hate fakeness. It is true that there are still lots of interesting groups to join, but none based on culture.
  - PhasmaFelis 8y ago
    When you've grown up facing a particular set of hardships that most of the people around you aren't familiar with, it's important for your mental health to be able to spend time with folks who get it. It doesn't mean you spend all your time together chatting about oppression, but it's easier to relax and let your guard down with someone when you know they won't lecture you for being nervous around police, or try to smother their dismay when you mention your boyfriend, or whatever. It's more of a support group than a hobby meetup. As a white male you haven't experienced any of that, which is fine! But you should try to put yourself in the shoes of people who weren't so lucky. EDIT: I was addressing the poster directly. As a white guy with autism, I'm well aware that white males in general can experience lifelong hardship for any number of traits. But anyone who says "I don't really understand why all these groups are around race, sexuality or gender" presumably hasn't experienced that, or they'd immediately understand why someone would want to associate with folks who've been through the same shit. (Or maybe I'm still giving him too much credit. But I try assume ignorance rather than malice.)
GauntletWizard 8y ago
I think your heart in the right place, but your solution is part of the problem - you don't have a community outside of work, because your community interactions are "tainted" by your ERG association.
- 40acres 8y ago
  These relationships can extend far beyond work. I've had dinner at the home of department heads where work related topics barely came up, I've played soccer and became work out buddies with folks. I know others who babysit each others kids and schedule vacations together based off of relationships established through these networks. As time goes on the fact you work for the same company can become just a footnote if you want it to.
  - scarejunba 8y ago
    It makes sense. Being in close proximity and constant contact helps with becoming friends. I have cultivated many friendships with people I've met with work and it's made my life so much better. Too small right now to have ERGs that don't apply to large groups but the soccer team, the basketball team, our running group, and those who cycle tend to form friendships that Grease the wheels of interaction at work, apart from it just being nice to have friends.
  - ams6110 8y ago
    That's all fine as long as you are interacting with peers. I would never consider visiting any supervisor socially outside of work, especially at their home, however. Office holiday parties are sort of a gray area, but I skip those too out of principle. > the fact you work for the same company can become just a footnote if you want it to ... until you have an HR complaint, or need to manage a layoff, etc.
  - eeZah7Ux 8y ago
    These relationship tend to be lost when people switch jobs.
- JimboOmega 8y ago
tapatio 8y ago
You are 100% correct. You gotta participate in your company's groups/clubs. Create one if one doesn't exist. We are social creatures.
- stronglikedan 8y ago
  Holy moly, no! Leaving work at work is the only way to stay sane for me! Except the occasional outing with the select few coworkers I can call friends, of course. I can't pretend to be something I'm not, and I'm not friends with 99% of the people I work with. It would only end badly if I pretended to be.
twoquestions 8y ago
What's an ERG? _Something _Something Group I'll take it?
- PenguinCoder 8y ago
  employee resource group
- lloyd-christmas 8y ago
  Employee Resource Group, I assume.
- mrec 8y ago
  > As a black employee I'm very plugged in the EMPLOYEE RESOURCE GROUP
  - twoquestions 8y ago
    I should learn to read, thanks!
jlawson 8y ago
I wish people of my color, gender, or belief were allowed to make a club, or join yours. It sounds great. Maybe something like this is why whites commit suicide so much more than blacks in America (per CDC [1]). Blacks suffer in many ways but at least they're allowed to make a community just about themselves, and that's valuable. [1] https://www.realclearscience.com/journal_club/2013/04/05/us_homicide__suicide_rates_in_whites__blacks_106500.html# https://www.realclearscience.com/journal_club/2013/04/05/us_...!
- thex10 8y ago
  My (black) spouse has talked with me about their thorough support of this idea. They think there ought to be white student unions, white history month, white studies courses, etc. I wouldn't mind seeing this happen, if white folks could do it without hate or exclusion of others (which probably requires acknowledging and destroying white supremacy).
  - pasabagi 8y ago
    I think the problem is, the conventional depiction of many events is already 'white'. I had no idea that there were large numbers of African and Indian soldiers on the western front, for instance, until quite recently.
    - jlawson 8y ago
      If you mean WW1, there weren't. There were three Africans (musicians in the German army). Yes, exactly three. Not four or five. Indians were involved as part of British forces, but numbered well under 1% of men deployed. I wouldn't take anything away from them (good men), but it's inaccurate to say they were significantly represented by numbers. You need to be careful about people (in this case video game developers) lying to you about history to uphold a moralistic narrative. The facts of history are not politically correct, they are actually correct (by definition), and this is a big difference. See also: Absurd BBC depictions of Roman-era Britain where there are random black characters all throughout the society at every level of power and influence. A pure lie. Basically what you get from media these days (95% progressive by survey) is comparable to what you'd get if the media was 95% evangelical Christians, but in another direction. Just keep the source in context.
youeseh 8y ago
Having been to schools and companies where I was the only member of my race and religion, a race or faith based group has not been an option more often than it has for me. I've also worked in organizations where I was sexually in the minority. This has made me learn how to build connections based on interest and experience. Doing so is easier than it seems. We share a lot with each other: most went to a school with hundreds, even thousands of students. Most have had family members that we dislike. Many of us deal with sickness, depression, and difficult experiences. Many of us are passionate about an activity of some sort. I encourage anyone - black, white, brown, woman, man, mixed, other - to seek connections based on common interests and experiences.
jjtheblunt 8y ago
excellent advice...gym classes on-site or off-site are great comaraderie builders too.
x220 8y ago
I'm very glad that you have found a sense of community and connection at work. Loneliness and alienation is serious, and fixing it is not easy. I do think that attending groups connected to your workplace is the wrong approach, even if it can benefit you. Perhaps people could join (or start) such groups which are oriented around professionals in an industry who share a certain background, but isn't tied to any specific company? That way if you get fired or need to switch jobs, you minimize that part of your life which is thrown into chaos.
opan 8y ago
Something about you calling yourself a black "employee" instead of black "person" made me think of how the Japanese refer to "black" companies. The ones that are corrupt and overwork their employees. As soon as I hit "Indian" I realized that was probably not what you had meant.

atom-morgan 8y ago

> These sorts of groups get a lot of flak from folks who don't think these groups should exist or that companies should not focus on "diversity" Including myself (mixed race). I find the "hang out with people who look like me" mentality to be really weird and when a company's idea of diversity is basically this, it's more offensive than racial slurs to be honest.

40acres 8y ago
I think of these groups as a shallow proxy for common interests, as mentioned I've seen ERG type groups at my company that don't have to deal with sexual, racial, gender, etc identity. These groups are similar to an ice breaker in a conversation with someone new, usually I try to find something common with a person I've just met that we can share experiences over. The ERGs at my org are not exclusive at all, the Latino, Women, and Black ERGs organize a yearly leadership conference that everyone is invited too and has a very diverse set of topics that can be discussed. The new grads at my company are automatically enrolled into the ERG mailing list and I've developed really tight bonds with folks I met there, there is a yearly ski trip with about 25 people that I'm apart of that started with folks who met through the new grad ERG.
Raphmedia 8y ago
I doubt it's "we share a skin color, let's hang out" for anyone. It's more of a "we share the same challenges and hardships, let's compare notes" mentality.
- Raphmedia 8y ago
  Interesting how this comment went from very upvoted to downvoted. Must be a controversial topic. Anyone care to explain why the downvotes? I try to avoid repeating mistakes and I don't have a lot of comments in the negative. Pointers would be awesome. As per the site's rules: Instead of "you're doing it wrong", suggest alternatives. When someone is learning, help them learn more.
  - brokenmachine 8y ago
    Your post suggests that people with the same skin color share the same challenges and hardships, which just doesn't seem correct to me. I have no idea if that's why your post was downvoted but anecdotally, asking why you were downvoted only ever elicits more downvotes. Quoting site rules is definitely not going to help your case. They're just imaginary points. Best to just forget about it and move on.
    - Raphmedia 8y ago
      Based on personal experience, I strongly believe that people with the same nationality, religion or gender do share the same a lot of the same challenges and hardships. That's the entire point of those groups. That was my direct answer to atom-morgan's post who said: “I find the "hang out with people who look like me" mentality to be really weird”. As for the points themselves I don't care, it's how the post slowly rose to positive and then hit negative in an instant that made me confused. But then again, perhaps I should put away my tinfoil hat.
maxxxxx 8y ago
I am a white male and in my department we have a lower percentage than a lot of the groups who have an ERG. Sometimes I toy with the idea of opening up an ERG for white males. I wonder how this would come across. I don't really understand why all these groups are around race, sexuality or gender. This seems to me the opposite of diversity. In my view there should be groups around interests instead.
- Spooky23 8y ago
  Usually it's about cultural or other shared affiliations. My dad was a big member of the "Emerald Society" at his employer, which was a group of Irish immigrants and mostly first-generation US born children. A great, non third-rail example of why this is relevant can be seen in the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". There's a shared cultural, religious and other heritage and story that holds the characters together. As a white guy, I would find a white-guy club really weird. I could see something like a dad group, baseball team or fan group, engineering society, a catholic religious/service group or something similar as something that I would potentially identify with. Maybe some sort of Irish heritage thing, but I don't know if that would be relevant to me, as there isn't really a shared experience there.
  - 1999 8y ago
    Also as a white guy, my ancestors have been in North America for quite a while, are mixed between and culturally disconnected from European identities since before the current NA countries were created, also since before some of the current European countries were created, and the ones that did exist back then have probably attacked us at one point or another. Even though I like them, adopting an European cultural identity would be fake and I absolutely hate fakeness. It is true that there are still lots of interesting groups to join, but none based on culture.
- PhasmaFelis 8y ago
  When you've grown up facing a particular set of hardships that most of the people around you aren't familiar with, it's important for your mental health to be able to spend time with folks who get it. It doesn't mean you spend all your time together chatting about oppression, but it's easier to relax and let your guard down with someone when you know they won't lecture you for being nervous around police, or try to smother their dismay when you mention your boyfriend, or whatever. It's more of a support group than a hobby meetup. As a white male you haven't experienced any of that, which is fine! But you should try to put yourself in the shoes of people who weren't so lucky. EDIT: I was addressing the poster directly. As a white guy with autism, I'm well aware that white males in general can experience lifelong hardship for any number of traits. But anyone who says "I don't really understand why all these groups are around race, sexuality or gender" presumably hasn't experienced that, or they'd immediately understand why someone would want to associate with folks who've been through the same shit. (Or maybe I'm still giving him too much credit. But I try assume ignorance rather than malice.)

GauntletWizard 8y ago

I think your heart in the right place, but your solution is part of the problem - you don't have a community outside of work, because your community interactions are "tainted" by your ERG association.

40acres 8y ago
These relationships can extend far beyond work. I've had dinner at the home of department heads where work related topics barely came up, I've played soccer and became work out buddies with folks. I know others who babysit each others kids and schedule vacations together based off of relationships established through these networks. As time goes on the fact you work for the same company can become just a footnote if you want it to.
- scarejunba 8y ago
  It makes sense. Being in close proximity and constant contact helps with becoming friends. I have cultivated many friendships with people I've met with work and it's made my life so much better. Too small right now to have ERGs that don't apply to large groups but the soccer team, the basketball team, our running group, and those who cycle tend to form friendships that Grease the wheels of interaction at work, apart from it just being nice to have friends.
- ams6110 8y ago
  That's all fine as long as you are interacting with peers. I would never consider visiting any supervisor socially outside of work, especially at their home, however. Office holiday parties are sort of a gray area, but I skip those too out of principle. > the fact you work for the same company can become just a footnote if you want it to ... until you have an HR complaint, or need to manage a layoff, etc.
- eeZah7Ux 8y ago
  These relationship tend to be lost when people switch jobs.
JimboOmega 8y ago

tapatio 8y ago

You are 100% correct. You gotta participate in your company's groups/clubs. Create one if one doesn't exist. We are social creatures.

stronglikedan 8y ago
Holy moly, no! Leaving work at work is the only way to stay sane for me! Except the occasional outing with the select few coworkers I can call friends, of course. I can't pretend to be something I'm not, and I'm not friends with 99% of the people I work with. It would only end badly if I pretended to be.

twoquestions 8y ago

What's an ERG? _Something _Something Group I'll take it?

PenguinCoder 8y ago
employee resource group
lloyd-christmas 8y ago
Employee Resource Group, I assume.
mrec 8y ago
> As a black employee I'm very plugged in the EMPLOYEE RESOURCE GROUP
- twoquestions 8y ago
  I should learn to read, thanks!

jlawson 8y ago

I wish people of my color, gender, or belief were allowed to make a club, or join yours. It sounds great. Maybe something like this is why whites commit suicide so much more than blacks in America (per CDC [1]). Blacks suffer in many ways but at least they're allowed to make a community just about themselves, and that's valuable. [1] https://www.realclearscience.com/journal_club/2013/04/05/us_homicide__suicide_rates_in_whites__blacks_106500.html# https://www.realclearscience.com/journal_club/2013/04/05/us_...!

thex10 8y ago
My (black) spouse has talked with me about their thorough support of this idea. They think there ought to be white student unions, white history month, white studies courses, etc. I wouldn't mind seeing this happen, if white folks could do it without hate or exclusion of others (which probably requires acknowledging and destroying white supremacy).
- pasabagi 8y ago
  I think the problem is, the conventional depiction of many events is already 'white'. I had no idea that there were large numbers of African and Indian soldiers on the western front, for instance, until quite recently.
  - jlawson 8y ago
    If you mean WW1, there weren't. There were three Africans (musicians in the German army). Yes, exactly three. Not four or five. Indians were involved as part of British forces, but numbered well under 1% of men deployed. I wouldn't take anything away from them (good men), but it's inaccurate to say they were significantly represented by numbers. You need to be careful about people (in this case video game developers) lying to you about history to uphold a moralistic narrative. The facts of history are not politically correct, they are actually correct (by definition), and this is a big difference. See also: Absurd BBC depictions of Roman-era Britain where there are random black characters all throughout the society at every level of power and influence. A pure lie. Basically what you get from media these days (95% progressive by survey) is comparable to what you'd get if the media was 95% evangelical Christians, but in another direction. Just keep the source in context.

youeseh 8y ago

Having been to schools and companies where I was the only member of my race and religion, a race or faith based group has not been an option more often than it has for me. I've also worked in organizations where I was sexually in the minority. This has made me learn how to build connections based on interest and experience. Doing so is easier than it seems. We share a lot with each other: most went to a school with hundreds, even thousands of students. Most have had family members that we dislike. Many of us deal with sickness, depression, and difficult experiences. Many of us are passionate about an activity of some sort. I encourage anyone - black, white, brown, woman, man, mixed, other - to seek connections based on common interests and experiences.

jjtheblunt 8y ago

excellent advice...gym classes on-site or off-site are great comaraderie builders too.

x220 8y ago

I'm very glad that you have found a sense of community and connection at work. Loneliness and alienation is serious, and fixing it is not easy. I do think that attending groups connected to your workplace is the wrong approach, even if it can benefit you. Perhaps people could join (or start) such groups which are oriented around professionals in an industry who share a certain background, but isn't tied to any specific company? That way if you get fired or need to switch jobs, you minimize that part of your life which is thrown into chaos.

opan 8y ago

Something about you calling yourself a black "employee" instead of black "person" made me think of how the Japanese refer to "black" companies. The ones that are corrupt and overwork their employees. As soon as I hit "Indian" I realized that was probably not what you had meant.