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I'm positive if I died no one would notice for at least 2-3 months, maybe more I live abroad. I have no truly close friends. The closest friend has 2 kids so I

I'm positive if I died no one would notice for at least 2-3 months, maybe more I live abroad. I have no truly close friends. The closest friend has 2 kids so I see him maybe once every 2 months. My family is 7000+ miles away. I talk to them about once every 3-8 months. The biggest issue is the time difference. Those times when I think "I feel like calling" it's always the wrong time so it's usually only when I'm up at 3am and instead of going to sleep I tell myself "Ok, I guess I should stay up another hour to call". I'm self employed. 80% of my expenses are automated. (should be 100% really) So, if I died a couple of friends might think I was rude for not answering their messages on slack or fb messenger but it would be quite a while before someone came and checked. Unless there was a smell or something coming from the apartment there really is no one I can think of that would check up on me. Yes, I want to fix this situation. Stupidly I don't know how. I'm > 50yrs old. When I go out most people are < 40yrs old. Of course we get along but being in different places in your life can make it hard to relate the same way that people in the same place in life relate. I go to meetups and know a few people's names but haven't made any "friends".

scythe 8y ago
>My family is 7000+ miles away. I talk to them about once every 3-8 months. The biggest issue is the time difference. Those times when I think "I feel like calling" it's always the wrong time It's not actually natural for humans to choose to experience social interaction every time it happens (historically, we didn't). It can help if you pick a time in advance and then call no matter what. It will almost always be easier than you thought after you start talking.
justaguyhere 8y ago
Stupidly I don't know how If you like, we can become email friends, just to keep in touch. I may or may be able to relate to you, but I promise to try sincerely. I see myself going the same route, so... On a meta level: Do you have any ideas on how to think about situations like this? Surely, there must be millions of people who feel the same?
- uberlonely 8y ago
  I actually don't have any ideas but I do think there are at least 2 opportunities. 1. A better meetup.com I have no idea if there is a way to make a better one so maybe there is no solution. What I find though is few meetups are actually that good. I have no idea how to make them better. Sponsor them? Hire organizers? I know this is a hard problem. For example there was that "dinewithus.com" service and I guess the biggest issue is odds are low that the people you end up dinning with are actually people you want to be around. 2. A better dating service I see 2 problems with dating services today. (a) too many women get scared away from too many DTF messages which reduces the pool greatly (b) too many people not trying hard enough or not putting in the effort or unsure how to get the fire started. Examples are profiles with no info. Profiles with no pictures. Profiles with generic info "I like dining and travel". When matching bad messages "Hi!" etc.. I think there are creative ideas that might help with both a and b issues. It might be impossible but I think it would be interesting to try.
  - justaguyhere 8y ago
    Hmmm. With dating services, there is a higher level of expectation than just a site for friends. I kinda wish there is a way to just meet people and talk - no other high expectations to begin with at least. After all, the first step in dating is becoming a friend, isn't it?
    - scarejunba 8y ago
      Bumble Friends/BFF is that.
  - jpster 8y ago
    Re 1, Hire organizers who have provable matchmaking skills at scale.
  - mrhappyunhappy 8y ago
    What about group dating? 6-10 people having food drinks, discussions, playing games? No awkwardness associated with 1-1 dating, no need to commit or reject. No need to write up a profile or anything- just go and see how it goes, see if you make any connections with someone.
kilroy123 8y ago
You're more than welcome to email me to chat. I too live abroad and have for several years. I absolutely get what you mean. My email is my username at gmail.
arandr0x 8y ago
It's super common for women in your age range to be somewhat lonely (although usually they have kids, but they will be grown kids who are off feeling invincible). Do you date at all? Even if it doesn't work out with some it could be a way to meet potential friends?

scythe 8y ago

>My family is 7000+ miles away. I talk to them about once every 3-8 months. The biggest issue is the time difference. Those times when I think "I feel like calling" it's always the wrong time It's not actually natural for humans to choose to experience social interaction every time it happens (historically, we didn't). It can help if you pick a time in advance and then call no matter what. It will almost always be easier than you thought after you start talking.

justaguyhere 8y ago

Stupidly I don't know how If you like, we can become email friends, just to keep in touch. I may or may be able to relate to you, but I promise to try sincerely. I see myself going the same route, so... On a meta level: Do you have any ideas on how to think about situations like this? Surely, there must be millions of people who feel the same?

uberlonely 8y ago
I actually don't have any ideas but I do think there are at least 2 opportunities. 1. A better meetup.com I have no idea if there is a way to make a better one so maybe there is no solution. What I find though is few meetups are actually that good. I have no idea how to make them better. Sponsor them? Hire organizers? I know this is a hard problem. For example there was that "dinewithus.com" service and I guess the biggest issue is odds are low that the people you end up dinning with are actually people you want to be around. 2. A better dating service I see 2 problems with dating services today. (a) too many women get scared away from too many DTF messages which reduces the pool greatly (b) too many people not trying hard enough or not putting in the effort or unsure how to get the fire started. Examples are profiles with no info. Profiles with no pictures. Profiles with generic info "I like dining and travel". When matching bad messages "Hi!" etc.. I think there are creative ideas that might help with both a and b issues. It might be impossible but I think it would be interesting to try.
- justaguyhere 8y ago
  Hmmm. With dating services, there is a higher level of expectation than just a site for friends. I kinda wish there is a way to just meet people and talk - no other high expectations to begin with at least. After all, the first step in dating is becoming a friend, isn't it?
  - scarejunba 8y ago
    Bumble Friends/BFF is that.
- jpster 8y ago
  Re 1, Hire organizers who have provable matchmaking skills at scale.
- mrhappyunhappy 8y ago
  What about group dating? 6-10 people having food drinks, discussions, playing games? No awkwardness associated with 1-1 dating, no need to commit or reject. No need to write up a profile or anything- just go and see how it goes, see if you make any connections with someone.

kilroy123 8y ago

You're more than welcome to email me to chat. I too live abroad and have for several years. I absolutely get what you mean. My email is my username at gmail.

arandr0x 8y ago

It's super common for women in your age range to be somewhat lonely (although usually they have kids, but they will be grown kids who are off feeling invincible). Do you date at all? Even if it doesn't work out with some it could be a way to meet potential friends?