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Could you elaborate more concretely about this campfire model? edit: Asking because I'm having a hard time visualizing the metaphor applied to reality. Do you

Could you elaborate more concretely about this campfire model? edit: Asking because I'm having a hard time visualizing the metaphor applied to reality. Do you find/make friends ("campers"?) differently? Would they consider you a friend, or are these relationships more broad with less depth? How does maintaining the fire relate to maintaining friendships? Are you just a support person handing out favors with little expectation of reciprocity? If so does that feel fulfilling compared to deeply investing in a smaller number of people?

barking 8y ago
Yes that was what I was wondering too.
modeless 8y ago
I have known several people who hosted regular casual Wednesday night dinner parties. They were very low-key and generally based around some activity like going to a farmer's market or watching a movie or playing board games. It was generally understood that anyone who was a regular attendee could invite their own guests. So while the parties started with a small group of friends from work, they grew to be a more diverse set of people over time. People would drift in and out and attendance would be different each week. Although I moved away and don't really keep in touch, I have fond memories of those get-togethers and still consider the people I met at those parties friends. I really like the analogy of a campfire for something like this. All it takes to start a little community is one person to provide a regular meeting place, something to do, and, crucially, some food.
- GeorgeTirebiter 8y ago
  Exactly. Here in SV, there is the Monday Night Pizza Klatch that is exactly that -- a group of geeks get together to be with like-minded geeks and eat pizza. It's been going for probably a decade or so now; and sometimes various famous and semi-famous SV geeks float in.
lgregg 8y ago
I much like u/modeless had a similar experience. I personally really like board games and would host or facilitate weekly board game nights. To be more specific: - Do you find/make friends ("campers"?) differently? No, I just have space and time during the week where people pass through or remain for a season of life (or more). I still make acquaintances doing other activities in my life which grow into friendships at varied depths. - Would they consider you a friend, or are these relationships more broad with less depth? I would say all of the above, it depends on what you're defining as a friend. If everyone that isn't a stranger is your friend. Yes, I imagine so. I personally would say that I have made several friends who bring in people who are friends of friends, so an acquaintance to me at least initially. I also have the occasional person whom I invite from another part of my life that I don't feel stranger-danger about being in my home. - How does maintaining the fire relate to maintaining friendships? If they're present, then it's a bonding activity. If they're not, it's something that they've bonded over. - Are you just a support person handing out favors with little expectation of reciprocity? I'm not the guy that pumps your gas, if that is what you're asking.
thinkharder 8y ago
I had a good friend who just had open "hang out" time every day after work in his garage. There was a group of about 30 friends who might stop by any time between 5 and 8 PM, have a beer, hang out and BS. Sometimes it was just Paul and 1 or 2 others, sometimes 15 people showed up, sometimes Paul wasn't even there, but the garage was always open (if you had the code). I used to go almost every day between work and home, it's how i made about half the friends I have now. It was also where weekend plans got made and many a hunting/fishing/camping trip got planned there. That's over now and I really miss it. Buddy had some health problems and ended up with an overwhelming opiate addiction and just stopped hanging out with anyone. Some of the friends still get together for a weekend poker game but it's not the same. It was so cool to have a place you could go hang out after work where you knew everyone was fun to be around and they liked having you around. You never know who would be there or what the conversation would be but it was always a good time. I've tried to get the same thing going myself, but have never been successful. I'm not sure how you get that started. Once it's going, it's self-sustaining, but you have to reach a critical mass of participants and has to occur really regularly, even daily. I think maybe it takes a very specific kind of person to be the host. Anyway, that's what the OP's campfire analogy made me think of. I really miss it...
- baddox 8y ago
  I have to imagine there are people who could offer the same “hang out” accommodations and have little or no turnout.
- johnchristopher 8y ago
  That sounds like a https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place but without any institution behind it.
  - toomanybeersies 8y ago
    Interesting, the list of attributes of a third place sums up the techno scene in my city almost exactly, except I'd say that conversation isn't necessarily the main activity. The scene is small enough that you always run into the same people every time you're out.

barking 8y ago

Yes that was what I was wondering too.

modeless 8y ago

I have known several people who hosted regular casual Wednesday night dinner parties. They were very low-key and generally based around some activity like going to a farmer's market or watching a movie or playing board games. It was generally understood that anyone who was a regular attendee could invite their own guests. So while the parties started with a small group of friends from work, they grew to be a more diverse set of people over time. People would drift in and out and attendance would be different each week. Although I moved away and don't really keep in touch, I have fond memories of those get-togethers and still consider the people I met at those parties friends. I really like the analogy of a campfire for something like this. All it takes to start a little community is one person to provide a regular meeting place, something to do, and, crucially, some food.

GeorgeTirebiter 8y ago
Exactly. Here in SV, there is the Monday Night Pizza Klatch that is exactly that -- a group of geeks get together to be with like-minded geeks and eat pizza. It's been going for probably a decade or so now; and sometimes various famous and semi-famous SV geeks float in.

lgregg 8y ago

I much like u/modeless had a similar experience. I personally really like board games and would host or facilitate weekly board game nights. To be more specific: - Do you find/make friends ("campers"?) differently? No, I just have space and time during the week where people pass through or remain for a season of life (or more). I still make acquaintances doing other activities in my life which grow into friendships at varied depths. - Would they consider you a friend, or are these relationships more broad with less depth? I would say all of the above, it depends on what you're defining as a friend. If everyone that isn't a stranger is your friend. Yes, I imagine so. I personally would say that I have made several friends who bring in people who are friends of friends, so an acquaintance to me at least initially. I also have the occasional person whom I invite from another part of my life that I don't feel stranger-danger about being in my home. - How does maintaining the fire relate to maintaining friendships? If they're present, then it's a bonding activity. If they're not, it's something that they've bonded over. - Are you just a support person handing out favors with little expectation of reciprocity? I'm not the guy that pumps your gas, if that is what you're asking.

thinkharder 8y ago

I had a good friend who just had open "hang out" time every day after work in his garage. There was a group of about 30 friends who might stop by any time between 5 and 8 PM, have a beer, hang out and BS. Sometimes it was just Paul and 1 or 2 others, sometimes 15 people showed up, sometimes Paul wasn't even there, but the garage was always open (if you had the code). I used to go almost every day between work and home, it's how i made about half the friends I have now. It was also where weekend plans got made and many a hunting/fishing/camping trip got planned there. That's over now and I really miss it. Buddy had some health problems and ended up with an overwhelming opiate addiction and just stopped hanging out with anyone. Some of the friends still get together for a weekend poker game but it's not the same. It was so cool to have a place you could go hang out after work where you knew everyone was fun to be around and they liked having you around. You never know who would be there or what the conversation would be but it was always a good time. I've tried to get the same thing going myself, but have never been successful. I'm not sure how you get that started. Once it's going, it's self-sustaining, but you have to reach a critical mass of participants and has to occur really regularly, even daily. I think maybe it takes a very specific kind of person to be the host. Anyway, that's what the OP's campfire analogy made me think of. I really miss it...

baddox 8y ago
I have to imagine there are people who could offer the same “hang out” accommodations and have little or no turnout.
johnchristopher 8y ago
That sounds like a https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place but without any institution behind it.
- toomanybeersies 8y ago
  Interesting, the list of attributes of a third place sums up the techno scene in my city almost exactly, except I'd say that conversation isn't necessarily the main activity. The scene is small enough that you always run into the same people every time you're out.