4 ms·

What do you recommend as an alternative? I prefer the phrasing, “what matters to you” or “what are you currently excited about”, but it’s the same basic thing.

What do you recommend as an alternative? I prefer the phrasing, “what matters to you” or “what are you currently excited about”, but it’s the same basic thing. I like being asked such questions because they let me guide the conversation and decide how much I want to disclose, which is the reverse of how many people here interpret these questions. Beats getting stuck in a shallow conversation that neither party really cares about. You have to actually be interested though and open for any response. I’ve had great conversations about everything from Warcraft to politics to medical school just by being interested in what the other person is saying

hashwithrice 8y ago
I think a good alternative is to ask "Where are you from originally?" then that naturally leads to how the person got to be here and what they are spending their time doing here. The person can decide to tell their whole life story or just give a one-word answer, no pressure
johnchristopher 8y ago
It really does depend on the setting (a party, a brunch, an after work drink). I'd go with the flow of the setting and let conversations unfold. Normally the host or others should kick-off the conversation and include you at some point. No matter what they shouldn't disclose sensible things about you to jump start the conversation (and certainly not a "Tell me about yourself"). Now if you are digging for stories, I find that listening to conversations and going from there with a question about a specific does the trick. Also, you could very well be there for the humane experience of being in a group, not necessarily disclosing yourself or trading interesting stories. Sometimes shallow conversations are OK for the mind because maybe you just wanted a casual stress-free interaction with a human being you don't want to sell anything to.

hashwithrice 8y ago

I think a good alternative is to ask "Where are you from originally?" then that naturally leads to how the person got to be here and what they are spending their time doing here. The person can decide to tell their whole life story or just give a one-word answer, no pressure

johnchristopher 8y ago

It really does depend on the setting (a party, a brunch, an after work drink). I'd go with the flow of the setting and let conversations unfold. Normally the host or others should kick-off the conversation and include you at some point. No matter what they shouldn't disclose sensible things about you to jump start the conversation (and certainly not a "Tell me about yourself"). Now if you are digging for stories, I find that listening to conversations and going from there with a question about a specific does the trick. Also, you could very well be there for the humane experience of being in a group, not necessarily disclosing yourself or trading interesting stories. Sometimes shallow conversations are OK for the mind because maybe you just wanted a casual stress-free interaction with a human being you don't want to sell anything to.