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I find it strange that I have friends, but I'm always feel alone. I live in a huge city, work has good people that are genuine friends outside of work, but I al

by tekla 8y ago

I find it strange that I have friends, but I'm always feel alone. I live in a huge city, work has good people that are genuine friends outside of work, but I always feel alone. Everyone talks about meetups and conferences, but I find them to be extremely superficial interactions. I also only ever see people outside work for social purposes about once a month or two. I've tried going out more, but nothing really ever happens. I don't get being social/

astura 8y ago
I think most "friendships" with people you work with feel like this. Try spending time with people you don't work with.
- tekla 8y ago
  I have friends by the sheer fact that we went to HS together and ended up in the city. If I didn't have that, I would have no friends at all. How the hell do people make them?
  - SolaceQuantum 8y ago
    Personally, I went consistently to specific social groups regularly (for months at a time). Eventually you get to know other regulars and one or two or more will become a bond with you. Then invite them out for lunches or dinners. Suddenly you unofficially have a lunch with them weekly or every other week. Maybe group chats over coffee. Texting about work. Etc.
  - badpun 8y ago
    I made my lifelong friends playing competitive magic the gathering in college. It was thousands of hours together, playtesting, improving our game, trading, going to tournments across Europe... All done on a tiny budget, which created hardship, which helped the bonding. It would be impossible to expend anywhere near this level of time commitment while holding a full-time job BTW.
  - tnecniv 8y ago
    Find some way to engage with your hobbies publicly. Hell, even go to a (preferably small) bar you like alone and talk to people. All my friends moved out of the city I was in and that's how I supplemented my social life until it was time for me to move on as well.
clarry 8y ago
> Everyone talks about meetups and conferences, but I find them to be extremely superficial interactions. Even here people mention finding meetups in a city. I'm with you here.. I used to visit conventions and such as well as had other random meetups with people who have similar hobbies and interests and even though I had a decent time, I always felt out of place and like an outsider. So these interactions never felt particularly meaningful, and there was no deeper connection going on. Often these events just left me more depressed than I was before going.

by tekla 8y ago

astura 8y ago

I think most "friendships" with people you work with feel like this. Try spending time with people you don't work with.

tekla 8y ago
I have friends by the sheer fact that we went to HS together and ended up in the city. If I didn't have that, I would have no friends at all. How the hell do people make them?
- SolaceQuantum 8y ago
  Personally, I went consistently to specific social groups regularly (for months at a time). Eventually you get to know other regulars and one or two or more will become a bond with you. Then invite them out for lunches or dinners. Suddenly you unofficially have a lunch with them weekly or every other week. Maybe group chats over coffee. Texting about work. Etc.
- badpun 8y ago
  I made my lifelong friends playing competitive magic the gathering in college. It was thousands of hours together, playtesting, improving our game, trading, going to tournments across Europe... All done on a tiny budget, which created hardship, which helped the bonding. It would be impossible to expend anywhere near this level of time commitment while holding a full-time job BTW.
- tnecniv 8y ago
  Find some way to engage with your hobbies publicly. Hell, even go to a (preferably small) bar you like alone and talk to people. All my friends moved out of the city I was in and that's how I supplemented my social life until it was time for me to move on as well.

clarry 8y ago

> Everyone talks about meetups and conferences, but I find them to be extremely superficial interactions. Even here people mention finding meetups in a city. I'm with you here.. I used to visit conventions and such as well as had other random meetups with people who have similar hobbies and interests and even though I had a decent time, I always felt out of place and like an outsider. So these interactions never felt particularly meaningful, and there was no deeper connection going on. Often these events just left me more depressed than I was before going.