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“Tell me about yourself” is not a question it’s an order/request. You can only say that if you have the upper hand already, ie. if the person wants you to know

“Tell me about yourself” is not a question it’s an order/request. You can only say that if you have the upper hand already, ie. if the person wants you to know about them for some reason. It’s arrogant and belittling, unless you are in a position of power (like a famous interviewer). Even then it’s rude. Don’t say it unless you know the person a little already or are interviewing them and literally giving them a platform to tell the world about themselves.

hliyan 8y ago
I agree. You simply shouldn't ask this of an equal or someone whose relative social status you're currently unsure about.
- wavefunction 8y ago
  It's of course a cultural thing rather than a single unifiying rule. In the South of the United States strangers strike up conversations and I can ask people about themselves without it being weird. In the North of the United States, I wouldn't bother unless I already knew someone well and if I know them well why am I asking them for? Wouldn't do it in Japan, Germany or Scandinavia; would do it many other countries.
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ewjordan 8y ago
I 100% disagree. Have had extremely interesting conversations out of essentially this question regardless of my status relative to the person I'm asking (plus or minus 3 levels in the management chain), except in the rare case that the person is so super shy that they can't come up with anything to say even with coaxing. People that don't give a shit about me are even more interesting when they answer. With a person who is higher status than you, they invariably have a life story that they are practiced at and enjoy telling, and know how to answer this question in a really satisfying and engaging manner because it's been asked so many times. That's the easy one, and pretty much no high level person will be upset if you ask. It's toughest with someone not used to answering this question, or someone who thinks of you as higher status - in those cases, you can't just say "tell me about you", you have to make them comfortable and coax them into getting excited to tell you about things they care about. That requires active attention and listening, and is not necessarily easy. Asking people to tell you about themselves is never rude, in any case. If your conception of "rude" includes that, then you're gonna have a rough time in all but the most wonky parts of business.
- goto11 8y ago
  > they invariably have a life story that they are practiced at and enjoy telling, and know how to answer this question in a really satisfying and engaging manner because it's been asked so many times. Yeah the point is you have prepared and practiced an engaging "sales pitch" for yourself. If you are experienced in networking or interviewing this is second nature to you. But it would be pretty rude to ask outside of a professional or networking setting IMHO. You are challenging the person to "sell themselves" to you, which is highly inappropriate outside of business.
- watwut 8y ago
  "Tell me about yourself" is not question, it is instruction. You give instructions and expect other one to obey them. The discussions where the other person don't expect me to be the one who has to reveal all details or where I get to ask questions too are more comfortable.
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  - cyberpunk0 8y ago
    " it's a command". Oh please... Stop hanging yourself on petty trivialities and learn to have a damn conversation you basement dweller -_- this community is so inept
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- everdrive 8y ago
  Looks like we found the introvert and extrovert here.
- hyperpape 8y ago
  I wonder if there's a difference of social context here. I feel like "tell me about yourself" would come off as very pretentious to a lot of people. That said, I've never really tried. Do you literally say "tell me about yourself"?
switch007 8y ago
I prefer "tell me more about that" when you have already touched on a topic briefly that you are genuinely interested in knowing more about. Less abrubt when it's mid conversation and sounds less like an order.
nstj 8y ago
Now that is how to get people on side when you’re looking to start a good conversation.
flavor8 8y ago
It's certainly forward, but it's a much more interesting proposition than "what do you do for work?" It assumes you've already broken the ice with some banter, and you're at a fork in the road - you can talk about something deeper or you can move onto the next person at the party. People like to talk about themselves, and this gives them the option to pick whatever they want to emphasize about their life, i.e. lets them put their best foot forward.
fouc 8y ago
You can vary it a bit if you wish. "Hi!!! Tell me about yourself :)" "Heya, nice to meet you. Can you tell me about yourself?"
toxik 8y ago
It depends on how and when you ask, of course. If you’re on a date I think it’s a great question - many people love talking about themselves. It’s perhaps a cultural thing too, Western society is very individualist and so asking a question like that makes sense. Other cultures may have different values, and it could be seen as conceited to up-talk yourself.
- paulie_a 8y ago
  Exactly, forming it as an open ended, permission based question is far better. "Hey would you mind telling me a little about yourself?" Is much more comfortable. It is more conversational.
Zak 8y ago
> “Tell me about yourself” is not a question it’s an order/request. In every question, there's an implied order to deliver the answer. Some people might perceive "What would you like my audience to know about you?" as less demanding, but it's fundamentally the same thing. This kind of open-ended request for information isn't a good fit for a lot of conversations, but it's a good fit for a biographical interview and similar situations like a job interview or a blind date. I don't think it's rude in these contexts, as the purpose of those kinds of encounters is to get to know a lot about the person in a short time. It might be too intrusive in other contexts.
WhompingWindows 8y ago
Just ask it politely, softly, with a smile and a genuine interest. Only Ron Swanson-esque people who see an order/demand in a friendly request would get offended. And if someone gets offended and thinks this is arrogant/belittling by such a polite request as this, then it's a bad sign that they aren't going to be able to handle conversations with me where I encourage non-PC exploration of tough issues. How fragile is someone's sense of self and ego if that is a powerful trigger? It's a great weed-out for PC individuals honestly, if you think that's belittling then I probably don't want to talk further with you.
crispyambulance 8y ago
I think for most social demographics in the USA, "Tell me about yourself?" is a perfectly acceptable question. It can be seen as intrusive, however, for Europeans. In fact even a question like "tell me about <x>" is not taken well by Europeans. They see it as a demand to be entertained and is considered lazy and thoughtless. On the other hand, Terry Gross is a spectacular interviewer. SHE could get away with asking almost anything to anyone and even it is a disastrous question is able to recover from it. I think someone who is able to read cues and think on their feet has much more latitude in what they can get away with as far as questions go.
- JumpCrisscross 8y ago
  > even a question like "tell me about <x>" is not taken well by Europeans It phrases in the form of “what’s your story” in most European languages. Same thing, though. The question does seem to be one which separates high-status and low-status people in many societies.

hliyan 8y ago

I agree. You simply shouldn't ask this of an equal or someone whose relative social status you're currently unsure about.

wavefunction 8y ago
It's of course a cultural thing rather than a single unifiying rule. In the South of the United States strangers strike up conversations and I can ask people about themselves without it being weird. In the North of the United States, I wouldn't bother unless I already knew someone well and if I know them well why am I asking them for? Wouldn't do it in Japan, Germany or Scandinavia; would do it many other countries.
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ewjordan 8y ago

I 100% disagree. Have had extremely interesting conversations out of essentially this question regardless of my status relative to the person I'm asking (plus or minus 3 levels in the management chain), except in the rare case that the person is so super shy that they can't come up with anything to say even with coaxing. People that don't give a shit about me are even more interesting when they answer. With a person who is higher status than you, they invariably have a life story that they are practiced at and enjoy telling, and know how to answer this question in a really satisfying and engaging manner because it's been asked so many times. That's the easy one, and pretty much no high level person will be upset if you ask. It's toughest with someone not used to answering this question, or someone who thinks of you as higher status - in those cases, you can't just say "tell me about you", you have to make them comfortable and coax them into getting excited to tell you about things they care about. That requires active attention and listening, and is not necessarily easy. Asking people to tell you about themselves is never rude, in any case. If your conception of "rude" includes that, then you're gonna have a rough time in all but the most wonky parts of business.

goto11 8y ago
> they invariably have a life story that they are practiced at and enjoy telling, and know how to answer this question in a really satisfying and engaging manner because it's been asked so many times. Yeah the point is you have prepared and practiced an engaging "sales pitch" for yourself. If you are experienced in networking or interviewing this is second nature to you. But it would be pretty rude to ask outside of a professional or networking setting IMHO. You are challenging the person to "sell themselves" to you, which is highly inappropriate outside of business.
watwut 8y ago
"Tell me about yourself" is not question, it is instruction. You give instructions and expect other one to obey them. The discussions where the other person don't expect me to be the one who has to reveal all details or where I get to ask questions too are more comfortable.
- deleted 8y ago
  [deleted]
- cyberpunk0 8y ago
  " it's a command". Oh please... Stop hanging yourself on petty trivialities and learn to have a damn conversation you basement dweller -_- this community is so inept
deleted 8y ago
[deleted]
everdrive 8y ago
Looks like we found the introvert and extrovert here.
hyperpape 8y ago
I wonder if there's a difference of social context here. I feel like "tell me about yourself" would come off as very pretentious to a lot of people. That said, I've never really tried. Do you literally say "tell me about yourself"?

switch007 8y ago

I prefer "tell me more about that" when you have already touched on a topic briefly that you are genuinely interested in knowing more about. Less abrubt when it's mid conversation and sounds less like an order.

nstj 8y ago

Now that is how to get people on side when you’re looking to start a good conversation.

flavor8 8y ago

It's certainly forward, but it's a much more interesting proposition than "what do you do for work?" It assumes you've already broken the ice with some banter, and you're at a fork in the road - you can talk about something deeper or you can move onto the next person at the party. People like to talk about themselves, and this gives them the option to pick whatever they want to emphasize about their life, i.e. lets them put their best foot forward.

fouc 8y ago

You can vary it a bit if you wish. "Hi!!! Tell me about yourself :)" "Heya, nice to meet you. Can you tell me about yourself?"

toxik 8y ago

It depends on how and when you ask, of course. If you’re on a date I think it’s a great question - many people love talking about themselves. It’s perhaps a cultural thing too, Western society is very individualist and so asking a question like that makes sense. Other cultures may have different values, and it could be seen as conceited to up-talk yourself.

paulie_a 8y ago
Exactly, forming it as an open ended, permission based question is far better. "Hey would you mind telling me a little about yourself?" Is much more comfortable. It is more conversational.

Zak 8y ago

> “Tell me about yourself” is not a question it’s an order/request. In every question, there's an implied order to deliver the answer. Some people might perceive "What would you like my audience to know about you?" as less demanding, but it's fundamentally the same thing. This kind of open-ended request for information isn't a good fit for a lot of conversations, but it's a good fit for a biographical interview and similar situations like a job interview or a blind date. I don't think it's rude in these contexts, as the purpose of those kinds of encounters is to get to know a lot about the person in a short time. It might be too intrusive in other contexts.

WhompingWindows 8y ago

Just ask it politely, softly, with a smile and a genuine interest. Only Ron Swanson-esque people who see an order/demand in a friendly request would get offended. And if someone gets offended and thinks this is arrogant/belittling by such a polite request as this, then it's a bad sign that they aren't going to be able to handle conversations with me where I encourage non-PC exploration of tough issues. How fragile is someone's sense of self and ego if that is a powerful trigger? It's a great weed-out for PC individuals honestly, if you think that's belittling then I probably don't want to talk further with you.

crispyambulance 8y ago

I think for most social demographics in the USA, "Tell me about yourself?" is a perfectly acceptable question. It can be seen as intrusive, however, for Europeans. In fact even a question like "tell me about <x>" is not taken well by Europeans. They see it as a demand to be entertained and is considered lazy and thoughtless. On the other hand, Terry Gross is a spectacular interviewer. SHE could get away with asking almost anything to anyone and even it is a disastrous question is able to recover from it. I think someone who is able to read cues and think on their feet has much more latitude in what they can get away with as far as questions go.

JumpCrisscross 8y ago
> even a question like "tell me about <x>" is not taken well by Europeans It phrases in the form of “what’s your story” in most European languages. Same thing, though. The question does seem to be one which separates high-status and low-status people in many societies.