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Interesting. I can't imagine that working at a dinner conversation. Starting with neutral guaranteed points of commonality are likely to be more successful in m

Interesting. I can't imagine that working at a dinner conversation. Starting with neutral guaranteed points of commonality are likely to be more successful in my experience (in observation and in practice). The neutral small-talk intros (travel-to-venue, number-of-people, weather) segueing rapidly to how-you-know-host, and then on to learning about the person without asking them to come up with a narrative usually does well in that setting. The key is to induce load on your conversational partner at the level that they are willing to accept and not to put a disproportionate load on them. "Tell me about yourself" is high load IMHO. They need to figure out what aspect of themselves they wish to represent. Then again, perhaps I inhabit different social circles from that of a top-flight radio host and things are different there. In an interview, I like "tell me about yourself" as a starter but not with passive listening for the most part.

khazhoux 8y ago
I've been trying the Terry Gross approach at dinner parties, and I can tell you it's usually pretty awkward. In fairness, I probably shouldn't start every interaction with "So what was it like collaborating with Philip Glass?"
wenc 8y ago
> The key is to induce load on your conversational partner at the level that they are willing to accept and not to put a disproportionate load on them. "Tell me about yourself" is high load IMHO. They need to figure out what aspect of themselves they wish to represent. This tracks with my experience as well. Many nerds and introverts (myself included) detest small talk and want to jump into deep conversation straight away. But life experience has taught me that guiding the conversation from shallow to deep produces a much better effect in most cases, even with other nerds and introverts. (except at conferences, where there is already a shared assumption of interest/knowledge)

khazhoux 8y ago

I've been trying the Terry Gross approach at dinner parties, and I can tell you it's usually pretty awkward. In fairness, I probably shouldn't start every interaction with "So what was it like collaborating with Philip Glass?"

wenc 8y ago

> The key is to induce load on your conversational partner at the level that they are willing to accept and not to put a disproportionate load on them. "Tell me about yourself" is high load IMHO. They need to figure out what aspect of themselves they wish to represent. This tracks with my experience as well. Many nerds and introverts (myself included) detest small talk and want to jump into deep conversation straight away. But life experience has taught me that guiding the conversation from shallow to deep produces a much better effect in most cases, even with other nerds and introverts. (except at conferences, where there is already a shared assumption of interest/knowledge)