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I am my own life-coach. What a terrible idea that is, let me tell you. You have to constantly be two people, wear two hats. And then, at some point every day y

by godDLL 8y ago

I am my own life-coach. What a terrible idea that is, let me tell you. You have to constantly be two people, wear two hats. And then, at some point every day you also get to wear the tally hat, to see how you did. A bit more about being two people - it's like when you do awareness meditation, you have to watch yourself go, but you also have to be there and do the work. I am getting good results in my last three years (tally hat on) but that's after six years of miserably failing to get any control whatsoever over my life. Lots of pain there, heaps of depression. No individual trick has done it for me, nothing stuck or moved the needle any. What I ended up doing is: new place/town, new job, new acquaintances. Some distance from older acquaintances. Did that twice, and both times got fantastic results, got progress. So, reset lead to progress. I fucked up the distancing the first time, didn't move far enough away, didn't change my cellphone habits. You really are the sum average of the people around you, that is true if you want it or not. You need to shut up and cut the noise to have a chance to hear yourself weep when you're miserable doing what you do, to feel yourself content and joyful when you do something that is you. Tally hat is not optional. Measuring progress, noting it down as you go, reflecting on what did and didn't work makes all the difference. Do, note, reflect, adjust, do again. Awareness is not optional. Sitting down to watch Youtube? Think about what it is you're going to do after that, before sitting down. Set a timer, so you won't find yourself with the sun down and nothing accomplished that day. Before you go to sleep, half an hour before, shut down everything, your phone, your computer; take a shower and think - if there is one thing I am to do tomorrow, what would that be? What would make the most difference? Write it down on a sticky note and put it on your monitor's top bezel. This is what you'll do in the morning, first thing. Then you get to do anything you want (set a timer), and proceed to tally-hat, then turn your phone on. This is when you'd get back to everybody and do household chores or what have you. Do four good days like that, in a week. You don't have to be good all week. Just most of the week. There are 52 of those in a year, set your phone and desktop dash to show you what week number you're at, and use that when putting on your tally hat. Where are you coming from, what are you to do right now, what's the immediate next thing? No point planning way ahead or keeping a todo list (do keep a backlog and review it weekly, do mark things on a calendar so as not to miss them). Don't make yourself do a list of things, you're not a machine, yet. Make yourself do 23 minutes of "I'll just start doing that, even though I don't feel like it, and then take a break". You will feel like it after 15 minutes, but never before you actually start. Or hire a boss/secretary and they will do your tallying for you (moderately well), and your awareness (works better if not remote). Cheers.

pferde 8y ago
No, it's not wearing two hats, it's simply being adult. Accepting responsibility, time planning, prioritizing, all that is - or should be - learned during "growing up", and strenghtened during early adulthood.
- hu3 8y ago
  Agreed. But some of us are a bit broken. We do have an adult mindset and good education. But mental problems, in my case ADHD, will still make it very hard to function as a normal adult without aid from drugs. Think like a beautiful airplane toy with a broken wing. It just needs some glue to fly again.
- godDLL 8y ago
  I think you're overly generous with your definition of adulthood. I mean, over 90% of adults are probably not on the same page with you. Just look at their finances. Or the amount of free time they get. The "should be learned" I agree with, but that's just not the world that we ended up with, is it?
bracobama 8y ago
Thanks for this! Can you be more specific with how the tally hat works? I admire the idea I just have a hard time implementing the reflecting part.
- godDLL 8y ago
  Sure mate. It is contextual though. You can look at what recurs and could be optimized, or optimized away, maybe delegated or nixed. You could take a measure of how you did whatever it is you did today, better or worse than expected? Were you unprepared? What could be improved? My work week should flutter around four days, so I keep an eye on that, see that I did enough work and didn't over-work myself. There are fixed costs to living, but then there are frivolous or unexpected expenses – there's a budget for that. I write invoices or tally up working days/hours what have you – to bill my clients or my employer, if I was contracting. There are people which should be contacted periodically, some more often, some less often – I make sure not to miss out on this. Forgetting to go over that list leads to not enough work, or not enough social interaction. I make sure I take care of my tools, housework, stock up on food and such. Take care of my body and mental state by stretching and breathing (that's Upa-yoga and Wim Hoff style pranayama). I cook my own food, which I sometimes need to do in advance. I note the things that I ended up doing but didn't plan to, and how they went and made me feel. I get follow up with whomever tried to reach me and didn't get to talk to me, and email (that's the very last thing). I note whether I got to do the things that I enjoy, and how that went and made me feel. If not – then why not? That is very much not OK and should immediately be taken care of, for fear of loss of will to live so to say. In general terms, "where am I coming from? Where am I going? Am I there yet, should I adjust direction/effort/approach?" Hope that gives you something to think about.

by godDLL 8y ago

pferde 8y ago

No, it's not wearing two hats, it's simply being adult. Accepting responsibility, time planning, prioritizing, all that is - or should be - learned during "growing up", and strenghtened during early adulthood.

hu3 8y ago
Agreed. But some of us are a bit broken. We do have an adult mindset and good education. But mental problems, in my case ADHD, will still make it very hard to function as a normal adult without aid from drugs. Think like a beautiful airplane toy with a broken wing. It just needs some glue to fly again.
godDLL 8y ago
I think you're overly generous with your definition of adulthood. I mean, over 90% of adults are probably not on the same page with you. Just look at their finances. Or the amount of free time they get. The "should be learned" I agree with, but that's just not the world that we ended up with, is it?

bracobama 8y ago

Thanks for this! Can you be more specific with how the tally hat works? I admire the idea I just have a hard time implementing the reflecting part.

godDLL 8y ago
Sure mate. It is contextual though. You can look at what recurs and could be optimized, or optimized away, maybe delegated or nixed. You could take a measure of how you did whatever it is you did today, better or worse than expected? Were you unprepared? What could be improved? My work week should flutter around four days, so I keep an eye on that, see that I did enough work and didn't over-work myself. There are fixed costs to living, but then there are frivolous or unexpected expenses – there's a budget for that. I write invoices or tally up working days/hours what have you – to bill my clients or my employer, if I was contracting. There are people which should be contacted periodically, some more often, some less often – I make sure not to miss out on this. Forgetting to go over that list leads to not enough work, or not enough social interaction. I make sure I take care of my tools, housework, stock up on food and such. Take care of my body and mental state by stretching and breathing (that's Upa-yoga and Wim Hoff style pranayama). I cook my own food, which I sometimes need to do in advance. I note the things that I ended up doing but didn't plan to, and how they went and made me feel. I get follow up with whomever tried to reach me and didn't get to talk to me, and email (that's the very last thing). I note whether I got to do the things that I enjoy, and how that went and made me feel. If not – then why not? That is very much not OK and should immediately be taken care of, for fear of loss of will to live so to say. In general terms, "where am I coming from? Where am I going? Am I there yet, should I adjust direction/effort/approach?" Hope that gives you something to think about.