I am about to give you the loving advice you need: Fuck that shit. You asked for help. You got excellent advice from many people here. Then you came up with

I am about to give you the loving advice you need: Fuck that shit. You asked for help. You got excellent advice from many people here. Then you came up with excuses for not taking that advice. Forget "social stigma". Forget the past. Forget your perceived weaknesses. Forget your excuses. You are obviously smart and want to help yourself, otherwise you wouldn't have posted here to begin with. You need someone qualified to talk to (in person, not here). Do it and recapture your life. Things are never as bad as they seem when you're at a low point. You will soon discover that once you take action. Do it now. Best wishes.