Usually, I just read HN, but I signed up to ask HN about this. I really hope I'm not a crackpot, and would love to get my view changed. I've been thinking tha

Usually, I just read HN, but I signed up to ask HN about this. I really hope I'm not a crackpot, and would love to get my view changed. I've been thinking that marriage and relationship-seeking as a man is just a bad bet if you aren't a "top tier" man in terms of looks, income, charisma - the "full package". I'm objectively at the middle of the bell curve (run-of-the-mill software engineer, got good grades at an average school, not short but not tall, not fat but not fit, face a "6") but with a hint of (diagnosed as a child) Aspergers that dings my "full package" rating, and I've only had one good relationship. Statistics like this show that premarital sex and divorce are correlated. Anecdotally, it seems the U.S. judicial system heavily favors the woman in a man-woman divorce. My father, my uncle, 2 of my coworkers - much of their assets completely wiped. I have read research indicating that this is true in general i.e. divorces tend to be a greater loss for the man. I believe premarital (and extramarital) sex is far more easily found in these times due to the profileration of dating apps, and as a consequence of internet-scale, the sheer number of options for women (who are typically the ones with choice) are exponentially greater than any other time before this. As another commenter mentioned, people are only as faithful as their knowledge of their options. It's now common knowledge that you have an INCREDIBLE amount of options, if you're desired. So, with the onus of choice and the economy of scale, it seems like a woman will always be able to find a superior replacement to an average or below-average man - even if only for one night. I can't make myself smarter or more beautiful (I can and do work out, but those improvements only do so much). I already have enough problems socially that dating is an uphill battle. Why should I try when there is a charismatic 9/10 a "swipe" away? Cards on the table - after finally seeing romantic success after 20 years of life, saving my paychecks for a ring and marriage, and then having it all come crashing down early this year really broke me, and I found myself easily trapped into reading and studying "incel" and "red pill" ideologies to try and provide the right model to be viewing the world of human romantic relationships, and it was a good deal of work to rise out of that trap, but I'm left with wondering what parts of "the black pill" are very real and what parts are useless. It really seems like given the premises 1) as a living organism, I should be in the business of making my species survive another generation and 2) Others in my species deem me unfit to reproduce, then I can only accomplish (1) by increasing the amount of resources in the world available to those who ARE fit to reproduce, which can be done in 2 different ways...