3 ms·

My friend you need professional help. We are not psychologists nor psychiatrists. For starters the only way to meet friends is to be outgoing, being an introve

by sp4rki 16y ago

My friend you need professional help. We are not psychologists nor psychiatrists. For starters the only way to meet friends is to be outgoing, being an introvert makes this very hard, but if you really want to make friends you are going to have to deal with your issues and talk to people. Believe it or not, it gets better with time and as you grow. On the other part, grades don't mean a thing, and you really need to stop looking at things as if it was the professors fault. If you really feel that college was lacking in some way you need to either change college or make the best of your situation and study by yourself what you think your your classes are missing. In a way is as much your fault as the professors. That being said, the past is the past and there is no point dwelling on it. The reality of your situation is very simple actually. You want to become more extroverted to make friends? Build something where you have to interact with people. You want to become better at 'python programming'? Buy a few books and build something in python, and when you're done reread the books and build something in python (this is a recursive sentence!). You feel like college is full of people that don't care about you learning? You're right, because the only person that cares about that is yourself, and unless you're Will Hunting you really need to take responsibility for your life. Also, go see a psychologist, or a psychiatrist if the situation is worse and will require medication.

dholowiski 16y ago
+1 professional help. A good psychiatrist can really help you with social anxiety disorder, or whatever they're calling it these days. I also recommend the book dying of embarrassment, which has many of the things a good psychiatrist will take you through. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d.html/ref=redir_mdp_mobile/176-5806319-1608762?a=1879237237 http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d.html/ref=redir_mdp_mobile/176-...
frossie 16y ago
the only way to meet friends is to be outgoing, being an introvert makes this very hard Argh. An introvert is not defined as somebody who cannot make friends, it's somebody who doesn't feel the need to make many friends. If you want friends and can't make them, your problem is not introversion (which is not a problem, it is a natural personality state) - it's shyness, or something worse. To the OP I would say this: it's never too late to turn your life around. Seek help if you can (I do think the level of anxiety you report sounds worse than the average cage of college-itis) but don't think that your past needs to determine your future. Set yourself small achievable goals, and do them. Getting things done is easier for some than others, but it is a habit that anyone healthy can learn.
- sp4rki 16y ago
  Since the advise was directed to the OP and he labels himself as a "shy, kind of an introvert" person I was kind of directing my response at that specifically, though an introvert that's also a person who want's to make friends is a total oxymoron. You're totally right in that the OP is probably not an introvert, but I found it easier to use the term loosely for my advice. Should have known better since I am actually an introvert, but I have boatloads of friends and good social skills. In any case, great advice. Hope the OP reads it also.
swombat 16y ago
I thoroughly disagree with this advice. He doesn't need to get professional help to get over the kind of hump that every shy and introverted 21 year old has to get over (and does). I see no evidence in this post of anything more than the typical emo-angst and self-pity stuff that affects pretty much any intelligent introvert at some point during university. He just needs a good kick in the arse. If anyone knows who this is (hard with an anonymous account, I know), drag him out to some kind of social event and force him to meet some people. That's all the therapy he needs.
- hnhg 16y ago
  It can be quite hard without a social circle. When you quit being so macho about this, why not think there are people in circumstances different to your own and try empathising with them?
- sp4rki 16y ago
  Most intelligent introverts have friends in University though. The fact that the person is probably not into socializing as it's known to most college kids, generally means that they form a group within a section of the 'intelligent introverts' at the school. In any case I would agree with you that he just needs to get out more if it weren't for the case that 1) he's making a pity case out of his situation 2) he is not only not happy with his current situation, but seems to be entering a phase of self loathing which can easily be an entry phase into depression. He does need professional help, which type we can't tell because we don't really know the person, but the fact that he not only acknowledges that he is unhappy with his current social situation but also speaks illy about his situation with college and professors and thinks he needs some magic pill to actually improve his life (as if we in HN were in the position to give him any advice that will change his life that easily). It's most probable that he only needs to man up and take control of his life, but maybe his problem is not only the lack of will power to do so, and he needs a therapist to help him from a positive idea of what his life is supposed to be. At the most extreme it might even be a serious problem, perhaps a hormonal imbalance or a mental problem caused because of his environment, in which case a therapist might not even be enough and might need to seek a psychiatrist and start medication. As you said he might just need a kick in the arse, and what I recommended to him actually gets him on this path, but if that is not enough (which is just as probable as per his situation) he might really need someone to tighten the screws in his head that are loose or maybe even missing. Of course, I'm not saying he's crazy, but something isn't clicking right now and he really needs to get it fixed asap.
apl 16y ago
Buy a few books and build something in python, and when you're done reread the books and build something in python (this is a recursive sentence!). Well, no, it's not. But never mind. Still reasonably good advice...
- pjscott 16y ago
  It's an iterative sentence, but of course iteration and recursion are equivalent unless you're using a compiler that doesn't have the good sense to perform space-efficient tail call optimization. (Java, I'm looking at you.) Seriously, though, it might be worth the OP's time to go light on classes, and look for some programming task that's fun. Find something cool. I've been really enjoying node.js, for example, because the community feels like a city full of still-under-construction buildings, with oddly dressed people smiling and lurching around spasmodically, occasionally making something amazing. If you optimize for fun, you'll learn a lot faster than you would in most regular classes.
- sp4rki 16y ago
  Actually you're right, I realized later that I had not written it like I wanted it to come out. I kind of wanted to say something more like "Read books, build something, and while you're at it read more books and build stuff". Thanks for pointing that out in a respectful manner instead of being a douche though. Last time I made a mistake on the internet all hell got loose and bunnies where probably run over because of it.

by sp4rki 16y ago

dholowiski 16y ago

+1 professional help. A good psychiatrist can really help you with social anxiety disorder, or whatever they're calling it these days. I also recommend the book dying of embarrassment, which has many of the things a good psychiatrist will take you through. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d.html/ref=redir_mdp_mobile/176-5806319-1608762?a=1879237237 http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d.html/ref=redir_mdp_mobile/176-...

frossie 16y ago

the only way to meet friends is to be outgoing, being an introvert makes this very hard Argh. An introvert is not defined as somebody who cannot make friends, it's somebody who doesn't feel the need to make many friends. If you want friends and can't make them, your problem is not introversion (which is not a problem, it is a natural personality state) - it's shyness, or something worse. To the OP I would say this: it's never too late to turn your life around. Seek help if you can (I do think the level of anxiety you report sounds worse than the average cage of college-itis) but don't think that your past needs to determine your future. Set yourself small achievable goals, and do them. Getting things done is easier for some than others, but it is a habit that anyone healthy can learn.

sp4rki 16y ago
Since the advise was directed to the OP and he labels himself as a "shy, kind of an introvert" person I was kind of directing my response at that specifically, though an introvert that's also a person who want's to make friends is a total oxymoron. You're totally right in that the OP is probably not an introvert, but I found it easier to use the term loosely for my advice. Should have known better since I am actually an introvert, but I have boatloads of friends and good social skills. In any case, great advice. Hope the OP reads it also.

swombat 16y ago

I thoroughly disagree with this advice. He doesn't need to get professional help to get over the kind of hump that every shy and introverted 21 year old has to get over (and does). I see no evidence in this post of anything more than the typical emo-angst and self-pity stuff that affects pretty much any intelligent introvert at some point during university. He just needs a good kick in the arse. If anyone knows who this is (hard with an anonymous account, I know), drag him out to some kind of social event and force him to meet some people. That's all the therapy he needs.

hnhg 16y ago
It can be quite hard without a social circle. When you quit being so macho about this, why not think there are people in circumstances different to your own and try empathising with them?
sp4rki 16y ago
Most intelligent introverts have friends in University though. The fact that the person is probably not into socializing as it's known to most college kids, generally means that they form a group within a section of the 'intelligent introverts' at the school. In any case I would agree with you that he just needs to get out more if it weren't for the case that 1) he's making a pity case out of his situation 2) he is not only not happy with his current situation, but seems to be entering a phase of self loathing which can easily be an entry phase into depression. He does need professional help, which type we can't tell because we don't really know the person, but the fact that he not only acknowledges that he is unhappy with his current social situation but also speaks illy about his situation with college and professors and thinks he needs some magic pill to actually improve his life (as if we in HN were in the position to give him any advice that will change his life that easily). It's most probable that he only needs to man up and take control of his life, but maybe his problem is not only the lack of will power to do so, and he needs a therapist to help him from a positive idea of what his life is supposed to be. At the most extreme it might even be a serious problem, perhaps a hormonal imbalance or a mental problem caused because of his environment, in which case a therapist might not even be enough and might need to seek a psychiatrist and start medication. As you said he might just need a kick in the arse, and what I recommended to him actually gets him on this path, but if that is not enough (which is just as probable as per his situation) he might really need someone to tighten the screws in his head that are loose or maybe even missing. Of course, I'm not saying he's crazy, but something isn't clicking right now and he really needs to get it fixed asap.

apl 16y ago

Buy a few books and build something in python, and when you're done reread the books and build something in python (this is a recursive sentence!). Well, no, it's not. But never mind. Still reasonably good advice...

pjscott 16y ago
It's an iterative sentence, but of course iteration and recursion are equivalent unless you're using a compiler that doesn't have the good sense to perform space-efficient tail call optimization. (Java, I'm looking at you.) Seriously, though, it might be worth the OP's time to go light on classes, and look for some programming task that's fun. Find something cool. I've been really enjoying node.js, for example, because the community feels like a city full of still-under-construction buildings, with oddly dressed people smiling and lurching around spasmodically, occasionally making something amazing. If you optimize for fun, you'll learn a lot faster than you would in most regular classes.
sp4rki 16y ago
Actually you're right, I realized later that I had not written it like I wanted it to come out. I kind of wanted to say something more like "Read books, build something, and while you're at it read more books and build stuff". Thanks for pointing that out in a respectful manner instead of being a douche though. Last time I made a mistake on the internet all hell got loose and bunnies where probably run over because of it.