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I was diagnosed with Major Depression when I was 14 (but I self-diagnosed at age 9 and probably first showed signs at age 6) and over the last ~20 years have ha

I was diagnosed with Major Depression when I was 14 (but I self-diagnosed at age 9 and probably first showed signs at age 6) and over the last ~20 years have had the distinct displeasure of trying dozens of different types of antidepressants over the years, with varrying levels of withdrawal. I can't remember the name of the first anti-depressant I ever took -- but I do remember the migraine headache so bad it woke me from sleep and the inability to open my eyes -- and when I was able to open my eyes, the inability to see anything but black splotches because the pain was so intense. And I remember the first real withdrawal I had, when coming off of Paxil. I was 14 and I was hot and cold at the same time, nauseated, and utterly unwell. Most of the time, my withdrawals were staged and designed to taper off -- but that didn't make them all go away. Some drugs didn't have any withdrawal symptoms at all -- though in my teenage years as I searched for a workable medication, that was more often than not NOT that case. There were drugs that had short half-lives (Effexor being one), where I would start to feel the symptoms of withdrawal if I took a pill even an hour or two later than expected. There were others that would sink in only after a day or two, but be truly terrible. As a teenager and then college student, withdrawals were terrible -- but in some ways, survivable. I missed six and a half weeks of school my sophomore year of high school because of acute depresssion (which was most certainly not helped by the various withdrawals and side-effects of the drugs my various psychiatrists were trying on me) and had to take time off in college too. But at least I had that luxury. Four years ago, I got into a depression, and stupidly stopped talking to my shrink, and let my medication prescriptions lapse. I had to go through cold-turkey Effexor withdrawal, and aside from being 21 and coming off of a tricylic, it was the worst experience of my life. But this time, I didn't have the luxury of taking time off of school. I had to go into work each day. Last year, when I reconnected with my shrink and got back on meds, he was legitimately shocked I got through the withdrawal. In retrospect, I am too. I had a boss who was not understanding (I was told "everyone has problems") and clinicians have compared the type of withdrawal I was going through with opiates or cocaine detox. I went back on the Effexor last year but earlier this year, decided to switch to something else. It took MONTHS to actually come off of it -- even at its lowest dose. I honestly cannot believe I did it cold-turkey last time. The worst part? As terrible as the withdrawal is and can be -- for me, it's still better than the alternative -- which is not be on a medication that works and to suffer a debilitating depression, which is honestly, even worse.

loceng 8y ago
Thank you for sharing that. I feel it's important more people share their stories. I am planning to write a book to share my experiences including the solutions I found that helped me, the problems with the healthcare system that I have encountered along the way, and my proposed solutions for that as well. I am grateful to be able to say I survived and learned my lesson regarding medications in my early 20s (35 now), after an SSRI caused me to develop severe hyperacusis (hypersensitivity to sound) - where I could hear at -14 Dbs at different frequencies, could hear through a soundproof sound room, etc. I was in what I considered a torture state for 8 months, after which I had years of post-traumatic stress from the experience to try to deal with - which is mostly what got me into yoga. Prior to that a different medication had given me intense burning sensation through my body, however the doctor to counter that (not believing me either) just put me on 4mg of benzodiazepine per day - which eventually the burning sensation caught up and surpassed the numbing of the benzos. I had other very negative experiences from medications. They all made everything worse - with doctors not listening, while essentially lying and continuing the medication experiment on me - until I stopped trusting doctors. There is a very real problem of indoctrination and of industrial complex influencing the healthcare system including inherently being integrated into the education system. The first medication I was put on was at 17, it's always shocking to hear about children and young teenagers being medicated - and I know it's common that medications are the first thing tried without even much basic testing other than to do blood work to see if nutrient levels et al are within a normal range. I have a complex history more than relating to depression. I had been diagnosed with depression - though I later learned from my own research and seeking answers/solutions - my depression was caused by a disconnect to emotion/a developmental block likely caused by painful childhood ear infections, and that was only unblocked through a sound therapy called Auditory Integration Training; at 1,000 Hz frequency if a person has an imbalance showing there then they 100% will be depressed: medication won't help them, talk therapy won't help - they're just stuck in that state. There's a book called "Hearing Equals Behaviour: Updated and Expanded" that shares the science, case studies, research on it all. The neat part is you can do a diagnostic through an audiogram and get concrete evidence of the imbalance before actually doing the sound therapy - and it's non-invasive and it will help development continue properly for at least 6 months - so you continue to get improvement. There were also food sensitivity issues that caused some of my problems, one of those foods being wheat - where interestingly there is also an association to wheat and ear infections. Wheat fully acts like an opiate for me, where if I had even a single slice of bread made with wheat within 20 minutes I'd start to feel relaxed/almost euphoric - and then within 45 minutes I'd start going through withdrawal, irritated/irritable; imagine eating wheat (hits of an opiate) 2-3 times per day during your body-brain development, and how that could impact development of your nervous system/brain. It was in fact the audiologist who helped me with the hyperacusis who told me to stop eating wheat, and so eventually once I was healthy enough and not eating it - I could really notice the impact of when I would accidentally eat it. My journey of pain and suffering unfortunately didn't end there though with medications. Fast forward to about 3 years ago, skipping plenty of details: as I did more and more holistic health practices I eventually stumbled into Ayahuasca ceremonies. Ayahuasca is considered a plant medicine and my overall experience is that it is healing. Many people describe a single ceremony as to being the equivalent to 100 therapy sessions - for how much emotion you process in a single night, the insights you can gain about yourself, your environment, the universe; Ayahuasca's main mechanism is breaking down the ego mind, meaning that it can breakdown layers of coping - suppressed/repressed memories - while having you in an environment and state that allows you to process those emotions/experiences that at the time of the suppression/repression the person wasn't able to process them for whatever reason. I had emotional benefit from the ceremonies - among giving me clarity on , unfortunately I wasn't only exposed to emotional pain - however I was also exposed to physical pain from a series of old injuries throughout my life - starting at the age of 5 or 6. The past few years I have been slowly healing the pain mostly through stem cell injections. It's been a slow process for a few reasons, partly that regenerative medicine is relatively new - and because my case seems to be quite unique and how debilitating/disruptive the amount of physical pain I had severely impacted my executive function. I'm normally in Toronto and area, though currently in San Francisco to pass some time and be in a warmer climate, needing to wait another 2 months for the next stem cell treatment in Colorado; it's hard to quantify though the last treatment I had ~2 months ago reduced the pain overall by ~60%. It looks like we already follow each other on Twitter - can't remember where we know each other - maybe through AVC or where we would have met? I remember your name though! Maybe it was at a Mashable conference many years back..

loceng 8y ago

Thank you for sharing that. I feel it's important more people share their stories. I am planning to write a book to share my experiences including the solutions I found that helped me, the problems with the healthcare system that I have encountered along the way, and my proposed solutions for that as well. I am grateful to be able to say I survived and learned my lesson regarding medications in my early 20s (35 now), after an SSRI caused me to develop severe hyperacusis (hypersensitivity to sound) - where I could hear at -14 Dbs at different frequencies, could hear through a soundproof sound room, etc. I was in what I considered a torture state for 8 months, after which I had years of post-traumatic stress from the experience to try to deal with - which is mostly what got me into yoga. Prior to that a different medication had given me intense burning sensation through my body, however the doctor to counter that (not believing me either) just put me on 4mg of benzodiazepine per day - which eventually the burning sensation caught up and surpassed the numbing of the benzos. I had other very negative experiences from medications. They all made everything worse - with doctors not listening, while essentially lying and continuing the medication experiment on me - until I stopped trusting doctors. There is a very real problem of indoctrination and of industrial complex influencing the healthcare system including inherently being integrated into the education system. The first medication I was put on was at 17, it's always shocking to hear about children and young teenagers being medicated - and I know it's common that medications are the first thing tried without even much basic testing other than to do blood work to see if nutrient levels et al are within a normal range. I have a complex history more than relating to depression. I had been diagnosed with depression - though I later learned from my own research and seeking answers/solutions - my depression was caused by a disconnect to emotion/a developmental block likely caused by painful childhood ear infections, and that was only unblocked through a sound therapy called Auditory Integration Training; at 1,000 Hz frequency if a person has an imbalance showing there then they 100% will be depressed: medication won't help them, talk therapy won't help - they're just stuck in that state. There's a book called "Hearing Equals Behaviour: Updated and Expanded" that shares the science, case studies, research on it all. The neat part is you can do a diagnostic through an audiogram and get concrete evidence of the imbalance before actually doing the sound therapy - and it's non-invasive and it will help development continue properly for at least 6 months - so you continue to get improvement. There were also food sensitivity issues that caused some of my problems, one of those foods being wheat - where interestingly there is also an association to wheat and ear infections. Wheat fully acts like an opiate for me, where if I had even a single slice of bread made with wheat within 20 minutes I'd start to feel relaxed/almost euphoric - and then within 45 minutes I'd start going through withdrawal, irritated/irritable; imagine eating wheat (hits of an opiate) 2-3 times per day during your body-brain development, and how that could impact development of your nervous system/brain. It was in fact the audiologist who helped me with the hyperacusis who told me to stop eating wheat, and so eventually once I was healthy enough and not eating it - I could really notice the impact of when I would accidentally eat it. My journey of pain and suffering unfortunately didn't end there though with medications. Fast forward to about 3 years ago, skipping plenty of details: as I did more and more holistic health practices I eventually stumbled into Ayahuasca ceremonies. Ayahuasca is considered a plant medicine and my overall experience is that it is healing. Many people describe a single ceremony as to being the equivalent to 100 therapy sessions - for how much emotion you process in a single night, the insights you can gain about yourself, your environment, the universe; Ayahuasca's main mechanism is breaking down the ego mind, meaning that it can breakdown layers of coping - suppressed/repressed memories - while having you in an environment and state that allows you to process those emotions/experiences that at the time of the suppression/repression the person wasn't able to process them for whatever reason. I had emotional benefit from the ceremonies - among giving me clarity on , unfortunately I wasn't only exposed to emotional pain - however I was also exposed to physical pain from a series of old injuries throughout my life - starting at the age of 5 or 6. The past few years I have been slowly healing the pain mostly through stem cell injections. It's been a slow process for a few reasons, partly that regenerative medicine is relatively new - and because my case seems to be quite unique and how debilitating/disruptive the amount of physical pain I had severely impacted my executive function. I'm normally in Toronto and area, though currently in San Francisco to pass some time and be in a warmer climate, needing to wait another 2 months for the next stem cell treatment in Colorado; it's hard to quantify though the last treatment I had ~2 months ago reduced the pain overall by ~60%. It looks like we already follow each other on Twitter - can't remember where we know each other - maybe through AVC or where we would have met? I remember your name though! Maybe it was at a Mashable conference many years back..