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Honestly I think this is a good thing. If I knew what I knew now, from my own relationship after being married for 20 years, and observation of friends, I woul
by setquk 8y ago
Honestly I think this is a good thing.
If I knew what I knew now, from my own relationship after being married for 20 years, and observation of friends, I would not have got married. People can drift apart. Situations change. Health problems get between you. What can remain is obligation and legal difficulty for a lot of people and nothing more. And in some countries, such as the UK where I live, this is a massive problem because the law is predatory and unfair towards one or both parties. This is an inescapable risk as well.
I am extremely lucky with the respect that we are extremely good friends, but we go our own ways now and cross paths to look after our children together and share our advantage of working together to go forwards in life.
We are still bound by law however which makes it difficult to be independent once tied if you need to be and is also a situation which is expensive and difficult to change.
And the only reason we got married was it was seen as the done thing and a lot of peer pressure from the last generation. I've learned to think about things as calculated risks and not take advice from my parents now.
- Gibbon1 8y ago> the law is predatory and unfair towards one or both parties. When I got divorced 20 years ago some of my friends thought it was unfair that my ex took $20k (of $40k) out of savings, packed her stuff and left. When I tell that to men my age they're like HFS!!! fist bump Another fiend got divorces, wife got full custody, child support and alimony. The take was so much he and his two kids had to move back into his mom's two bedroom house. Friend of mines after she married her husband quit his job and started playing video games full time. Spoonged off her for ten years till she divorce him. And so now he's legally sponging off her using his partial custody as a lever. Currently I have a GF who's been unemployed for a year. Sort of typical in her industry. If we were married we'd be hosed because health insurance would cost me another $800/month. That aside, problem with the law is the law can't cover the myriad of ways people can get screwed over in relationships. My take is don't get married it either allows the other person to screw you or gives others the ability to screw you.
- stcredzero 8y agoSo no consummation and no open marriages, got it.
- setquk 8y agoThis is exactly it. The real issue is that even the couples who genuinely want to just walk away are sold the idea of financial justice.