4 ms·

Small asks first

30 points by joshfraser 16y ago

TamDenholm 16y ago
The problem with this is, at least from my perspective, is i hate people that pussyfoot around, if you want something, please just come out and say so. A lot of the people that want to "build a relationship" are extremely annoying because of this, i dont want to build a relationship with you, if you just get down to doing something then a relationship just happens naturally.
- pavel_lishin 16y ago
  This is relevant to your interests: http://ask.metafilter.com/55153/Whats-the-middle-ground-between-FU-and-Welcome#830421 http://ask.metafilter.com/55153/Whats-the-middle-ground-betw... Also, the article didn't seem to suggest pussy-footing to me - rather, it seems to suggest that if you don't know someone very well, it's rude to ask/demand them for a large investment of time in order to help you. Sending a short e-mail vs. asking for a phone call isn't pussy footing around, it actually sounds a lot more direct to me.
redwoods 16y ago
Really easy to forget this stuff so thank you. When I feel the answer to my success lies with other people I tend to overask. When I am confident my success lies with me my perspiration andinspiration, and a little luck, then I'm less likely to over-reach a relationship.
microcentury 16y ago
Off-topic: I despise this use of the word 'ask' more than I could ever fully explain, common as it is. It's a 'request'. Even for business speak, this one is a particularly brutal torturing of the language. Other than that, very helpful article.
brandnewlow 16y ago
I was expecting an article about how people who ask instead of just taking end up "small"
- hugh3 16y ago
  And I was expecting an article about how in any transaction or relationship with a power differential it is the less powerful (smaller) party who makes the first request.
rdrimmie 16y ago
I don't think it's just a function of time. 3-5 questions could easily take 30 minutes to answer. A phone call is just such a larger imposition than email (for many). No time to think a solid response through, research your answer, start after supper finish after the kids are asleep, etc. Email lets the respondent control the conversation, rather than the requestor.
- pavel_lishin 16y ago
  All in all, the problem is that it requires instant latency. You have to schedule a call, and be ready then.
dinkumthinkum 16y ago
Can we go back to the real world where "ask" is a verb? I had trouble getting through this. Isn't this sort of something we all learn growing up? I dunno, seems like "don't be pushy." Maybe the rubrik for small - huge is useful. Please stop using "ask" this way though. If it makes you feel better, I will be ok if you want to start every sentence with "so."

30 points by joshfraser 16y ago

The problem with this is, at least from my perspective, is i hate people that pussyfoot around, if you want something, please just come out and say so. A lot of the people that want to "build a relationship" are extremely annoying because of this, i dont want to build a relationship with you, if you just get down to doing something then a relationship just happens naturally.

pavel_lishin 16y ago
This is relevant to your interests: http://ask.metafilter.com/55153/Whats-the-middle-ground-between-FU-and-Welcome#830421 http://ask.metafilter.com/55153/Whats-the-middle-ground-betw... Also, the article didn't seem to suggest pussy-footing to me - rather, it seems to suggest that if you don't know someone very well, it's rude to ask/demand them for a large investment of time in order to help you. Sending a short e-mail vs. asking for a phone call isn't pussy footing around, it actually sounds a lot more direct to me.

redwoods 16y ago

Really easy to forget this stuff so thank you. When I feel the answer to my success lies with other people I tend to overask. When I am confident my success lies with me my perspiration andinspiration, and a little luck, then I'm less likely to over-reach a relationship.

microcentury 16y ago

Off-topic: I despise this use of the word 'ask' more than I could ever fully explain, common as it is. It's a 'request'. Even for business speak, this one is a particularly brutal torturing of the language. Other than that, very helpful article.

brandnewlow 16y ago

I was expecting an article about how people who ask instead of just taking end up "small"

hugh3 16y ago
And I was expecting an article about how in any transaction or relationship with a power differential it is the less powerful (smaller) party who makes the first request.

rdrimmie 16y ago

I don't think it's just a function of time. 3-5 questions could easily take 30 minutes to answer. A phone call is just such a larger imposition than email (for many). No time to think a solid response through, research your answer, start after supper finish after the kids are asleep, etc. Email lets the respondent control the conversation, rather than the requestor.

pavel_lishin 16y ago
All in all, the problem is that it requires instant latency. You have to schedule a call, and be ready then.

dinkumthinkum 16y ago

Can we go back to the real world where "ask" is a verb? I had trouble getting through this. Isn't this sort of something we all learn growing up? I dunno, seems like "don't be pushy." Maybe the rubrik for small - huge is useful. Please stop using "ask" this way though. If it makes you feel better, I will be ok if you want to start every sentence with "so."