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I used to do a lot of online dating and the worst dates were with recent grads. Usually, they would be either about to graduate, or else they had graduated a c

I used to do a lot of online dating and the worst dates were with recent grads. Usually, they would be either about to graduate, or else they had graduated a couple of years earlier and had just worked steadily since then. They would have zero hobbies. They would listen to top 40s music but couldn't name a band, sometimes watch a movie (but didn't care much what movie), didn't have opinions on things, had almost no stories to tell. They didn't have ideas about what to do on a date. They were awkward. Our date would almost always be the first they had been on in a long time. It was like they postponed becoming real people in order to become excellent students and professionals. I get that - their programs are HARD. What a high cost though.

choot 8y ago
How about asking them what they know? If people aren't sharing these things with you on first date doesn't mean they are blank and have no life experience. Every passing moment gives you experience. Some experiences might be more interesting to you while others might not be. They didn't open up to you because they sensed something. Awkward could be new normal. Can you share what you did to make them less awkward and more comfortable?
- jammygit 8y ago
  Joke around a bit and tell some stories for the first while. You create opportunities for them to comment, or to share a story of their own, but you take the pressure off them 'needing' to respond by having another story or whatever ready to talk about. Its really important to make them feel like there is almost no pressure on them - its the best way to get anyone to loosen up I find. They eventually open up a lot and start talking freely, it ends up being a fun night, but if you want to hear a good story its just harder to get out of a recent student. I think they were just too busy to go out and do wacky things they could talk about later.
geezerjay 8y ago
> It was like they postponed becoming real people in order to become excellent students and professionals. Has it crossed your mind that some people simply don't care about the generic mass consumption pop culture you follow, and instead have other interests thay have nothing in common with yours? After all, your complain boils down to criticising others for not liking the bands you like or having other experiences that you enjoy.
- derialstrazus 8y ago
  But he's complaining about them only listening to top 40s music. And nothing else he's said implies that only generic mass consumption pop culture matters. Naming a band doesn't imply naming mainstream band, it just implies name A band, ANY band, and have a bit of preference or taste. Same for movies. Nothing jammygit has said implies that they need to like the same things he does. He is, however, implying that they don't like ANYTHING.
- burger_moon 8y ago
  >They would have zero hobbies, ..., didn't have opinions on things, had almost no stories to tell. I believe it did cross their mind based on what they wrote above.

choot 8y ago

How about asking them what they know? If people aren't sharing these things with you on first date doesn't mean they are blank and have no life experience. Every passing moment gives you experience. Some experiences might be more interesting to you while others might not be. They didn't open up to you because they sensed something. Awkward could be new normal. Can you share what you did to make them less awkward and more comfortable?

jammygit 8y ago
Joke around a bit and tell some stories for the first while. You create opportunities for them to comment, or to share a story of their own, but you take the pressure off them 'needing' to respond by having another story or whatever ready to talk about. Its really important to make them feel like there is almost no pressure on them - its the best way to get anyone to loosen up I find. They eventually open up a lot and start talking freely, it ends up being a fun night, but if you want to hear a good story its just harder to get out of a recent student. I think they were just too busy to go out and do wacky things they could talk about later.

geezerjay 8y ago

> It was like they postponed becoming real people in order to become excellent students and professionals. Has it crossed your mind that some people simply don't care about the generic mass consumption pop culture you follow, and instead have other interests thay have nothing in common with yours? After all, your complain boils down to criticising others for not liking the bands you like or having other experiences that you enjoy.

derialstrazus 8y ago
But he's complaining about them only listening to top 40s music. And nothing else he's said implies that only generic mass consumption pop culture matters. Naming a band doesn't imply naming mainstream band, it just implies name A band, ANY band, and have a bit of preference or taste. Same for movies. Nothing jammygit has said implies that they need to like the same things he does. He is, however, implying that they don't like ANYTHING.
burger_moon 8y ago
>They would have zero hobbies, ..., didn't have opinions on things, had almost no stories to tell. I believe it did cross their mind based on what they wrote above.