Consider reading Herman Hesse (Siddhartha) or Jiddu Krishnamurti (Think on These Things), and questioning your belief of an omnipotent god deciding things for y

Consider reading Herman Hesse (Siddhartha) or Jiddu Krishnamurti (Think on These Things), and questioning your belief of an omnipotent god deciding things for you, as you mention in your blog. Begin making decisions for yourself and following your own will. Don't be afraid of getting help from your parents or friends. You are a valuable individual in the world with a finite life. You are loved. Enjoy your life and do your best to make a living without harming others, but do what it takes to survive comfortably.