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My reaction to your post wasn't one of sexism, but that I don't believe you are a parent yourself. Once you are a parent, the most important thing in the world

My reaction to your post wasn't one of sexism, but that I don't believe you are a parent yourself. Once you are a parent, the most important thing in the world is (or at least should be) your child. You're asking the wrong question (and probably not in the right mindset to be a parent yet, which is totally OK) if you're thinking "Why can't I have my wife be the mom and I can just show up for dinner?". As a new parent myself for the first time, I find myself every day thinking "What can I get done in X amount of time so I can go be a daddy".

davidw 16y ago
Yes and no. It's complicated... and it's important to find the right balance for everyone. Perhaps the woman is happy to be a stay at home mom and dedicate herself to that. Perhaps she wants to do that for a year or two and then go back to work. Or perhaps she has aspirations of her own that, to be brutally honest, conflict with having a child to some degree, especially if dad wants to dedicate as much time as possible to a startup or his career. Of course, you can talk about this stuff beforehand, but once the baby arrives, everything can change in any case. It's not easy, but hugh3 is right, if nothing else, about the fact that the woman plays a huge role in things (duh:-) and not mentioning that is leaving out some of the story.
- dolinsky 16y ago
  Indeed, there is no rulebook to follow when it comes to life matters, and I agree that a proper balance (which is a very individual item) is important. My reply to hugh3 was solely around what I perceive to be a statement made by someone who is yet to be a parent. It's misguided to place any kind of gender stereotype on who plays what role, and it only takes away from the larger message that once a child is brought into this world, the most important and influential job you can have is one of being a parent.
ThomPete 16y ago
It's not that easy. Being a daddy means many things. In the early years obviously your kid will need nothing but your attention. You could be banging cucumbers on your head and you would be bonding. But as your child grow older shouldn't you also stand for something? Be someone they can look up to be inspired by? My kid is the most important think in the world, but exactly for that reason I am not stopping everything I have build up so far. I want that to be an inspiration, not just someone he can play hide and seek with.
dennisgorelik 16y ago
I don't think that considering your child the most important thing in the world is good for anybody (including your child): 1) Your wife is probably more important, than your child: in 20 years your child would be gone (to have separate life), but you would stay with your wife longer than that. 2) You can have several children. Would you name one of them as "the most important"? 3) If you consider you child the most important -- it may spoil the child. That said -- children are definitely important part of your life.
- deleted 16y ago
  [deleted]
  - abstractbill 16y ago
    Once you have kids ... They are more important than anything. Nope. Not for my wife and I. Our marriage comes first, our children a very close second. ...your children should mean absolutely everything to you. Nothing else should matter in the world. A lot of other things matter in my world. My daughter is just one aspect of my life (albeit one of the most awesome aspects!). I grew up with parents who sacrificed way too much of their own lives "for the children", with horrible consequences (they fought constantly, and I grew up wishing they would get a divorce).
- araneae 16y ago
  This could be true for humans in general, if humans weren't products of evolution. Ever notice that anyone who writes blog posts about babies on HN are absurdly pro-baby? It's because we wouldn't pass on our genes if we weren't. It's possible for a father, perhaps, to consider the wife more important (after all, she can produce more babies!) but I doubt most mothers would agree that the husband is more important than the child, especially since a growing number of them don't even have one. Re: 3, thinking that your child is the most important thing in your life has little bearing on how you raise them, except perhaps on the tail end where parents do not care at all and the child ends up being taken away by the DSS.
  - dennisgorelik 16y ago
dolinsky 16y ago
@dennisgorelik && @ThomPete I used 'child', but I did mean 'children'. Not going to travel down the road of semantics there. I also don't believe I advocated, nor did Jason in his post, the stopping of everything else in one's life so that they can be a parent. "Most" important implies that there are other things of importance in ones life, and having accomplishments that can be shared with or serve as inspiration to our children is a wonderful gift to give. As Einstein said, "Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile."
- ThomPete 16y ago
  But what is your point of saying "most" important then? To most parent's their children is the most important so I don't think you need to spell that out, we know. Therefore I can only assume that you meant something different. If not then fine, then I just don't understand the purpose of your post.

davidw 16y ago

Yes and no. It's complicated... and it's important to find the right balance for everyone. Perhaps the woman is happy to be a stay at home mom and dedicate herself to that. Perhaps she wants to do that for a year or two and then go back to work. Or perhaps she has aspirations of her own that, to be brutally honest, conflict with having a child to some degree, especially if dad wants to dedicate as much time as possible to a startup or his career. Of course, you can talk about this stuff beforehand, but once the baby arrives, everything can change in any case. It's not easy, but hugh3 is right, if nothing else, about the fact that the woman plays a huge role in things (duh:-) and not mentioning that is leaving out some of the story.

dolinsky 16y ago
Indeed, there is no rulebook to follow when it comes to life matters, and I agree that a proper balance (which is a very individual item) is important. My reply to hugh3 was solely around what I perceive to be a statement made by someone who is yet to be a parent. It's misguided to place any kind of gender stereotype on who plays what role, and it only takes away from the larger message that once a child is brought into this world, the most important and influential job you can have is one of being a parent.

ThomPete 16y ago

It's not that easy. Being a daddy means many things. In the early years obviously your kid will need nothing but your attention. You could be banging cucumbers on your head and you would be bonding. But as your child grow older shouldn't you also stand for something? Be someone they can look up to be inspired by? My kid is the most important think in the world, but exactly for that reason I am not stopping everything I have build up so far. I want that to be an inspiration, not just someone he can play hide and seek with.

dennisgorelik 16y ago

I don't think that considering your child the most important thing in the world is good for anybody (including your child): 1) Your wife is probably more important, than your child: in 20 years your child would be gone (to have separate life), but you would stay with your wife longer than that. 2) You can have several children. Would you name one of them as "the most important"? 3) If you consider you child the most important -- it may spoil the child. That said -- children are definitely important part of your life.

deleted 16y ago
[deleted]
- abstractbill 16y ago
  Once you have kids ... They are more important than anything. Nope. Not for my wife and I. Our marriage comes first, our children a very close second. ...your children should mean absolutely everything to you. Nothing else should matter in the world. A lot of other things matter in my world. My daughter is just one aspect of my life (albeit one of the most awesome aspects!). I grew up with parents who sacrificed way too much of their own lives "for the children", with horrible consequences (they fought constantly, and I grew up wishing they would get a divorce).
araneae 16y ago
This could be true for humans in general, if humans weren't products of evolution. Ever notice that anyone who writes blog posts about babies on HN are absurdly pro-baby? It's because we wouldn't pass on our genes if we weren't. It's possible for a father, perhaps, to consider the wife more important (after all, she can produce more babies!) but I doubt most mothers would agree that the husband is more important than the child, especially since a growing number of them don't even have one. Re: 3, thinking that your child is the most important thing in your life has little bearing on how you raise them, except perhaps on the tail end where parents do not care at all and the child ends up being taken away by the DSS.
- dennisgorelik 16y ago

dolinsky 16y ago

@dennisgorelik && @ThomPete I used 'child', but I did mean 'children'. Not going to travel down the road of semantics there. I also don't believe I advocated, nor did Jason in his post, the stopping of everything else in one's life so that they can be a parent. "Most" important implies that there are other things of importance in ones life, and having accomplishments that can be shared with or serve as inspiration to our children is a wonderful gift to give. As Einstein said, "Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile."

ThomPete 16y ago
But what is your point of saying "most" important then? To most parent's their children is the most important so I don't think you need to spell that out, we know. Therefore I can only assume that you meant something different. If not then fine, then I just don't understand the purpose of your post.