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Can you have a baby and a startup? (not easily)

inspired by yesterday's thread of babies, i posted this to my email list.

vyrotek 16y ago
Its definitely possible. My 2nd child was born just months before I quit my job to work full-time on my startup. My co-founder also had his first kid at the same time. We worked like crazy this last summer and just recently closed our first round of funding. Perhaps we were crazy (our wives definitely thought so) but we pulled it off. We're also only in our late 20's :)
- ryanelkins 16y ago
  As the co-founder mentioned above, I'll just add that it's important to have the support of your spouse. It works for us because my wife understands that I'm only going to see the baby for an hour or two if at all during the week (I help more on the weekends). My wife doesn't work and she feels lucky to be able to spend all day with our son. I think it might be harder as a baby turns into a child and wants a little more attention from both parents. With the proper support - definitely possible. I think doing a startup as a single parent with a baby would be near impossible.
jswinghammer 16y ago
I hear you but I disagree about not being able to pull off your first startup with a baby. I'm in the beginning stages of my first startup and I find that having children has inspired me to use my time as wisely as possible. I'm better with money now and because my daughter doesn't ever seem to want to stop moving I'm much more active than I was. I don't really find myself needing to work a lot of hours to make things happen so I'm able to spend plenty of time with my daughter. I have another kid on the way and while I've scaled back my feature list slightly for my next release I'm not terribly concerned about the impact to the business for a few months while I wait for things to settle down. I might be the exception to this though but so far it's been good. You're 100% correct about how great children are. Children are totally amazing. My daughter is the happiest person I've ever met. She has no idea what I'm doing or why but she loves having me around. Part of why I started this company was to (eventually) spend a lot of time with her as she gets older. I remind myself of that whenever I get discouraged.
- joemak26 16y ago
  Thats great you are much more focused. I have 3 under the age of 2 and I am still learning to be more focused. How are you able to support you and your daughter? Is your startup already profitable?
justinchen 16y ago
I'm in year 4 of my startup(s) and I just had my first child earlier this year. It's been very doable for me, but maybe it's because we're profitable. I can definitely see how it would have been tough in the beginning when it was all night coding marathons though.
RBr 16y ago
I think that the real answer to this lies in the support one has. If you don't have a strong support network, can't afford for your partner (wife, husband, whatever) to stay home, can't afford a full-time nanny, or don't have any other form of dedicated help (parents, etc), the chances of launching a successful startup decreases with a baby in the mix. Nothing is impossible. However, your chances of startup success go down if you're trying to juggle a newborn person with a newborn company. If you don't have help, I could see it being nearly impossible.
pshapiro 16y ago
What if your startup is your baby?
spoiledtechie 16y ago
Thanks for this all. As a scared soon to be father, I don't know how I will ever fit my Hobby (coding time) in with kids and my girl. Its hard enough to make her happy. hah
azeemazhar2 16y ago
Happen to agree with Jason on this one. So startups prior to marriage, working on my third when my first child was born. Moved to big corporate jobs with big perks for three years, then back to startups. We are at 3 kids (one of six weeks), and clearly the ability to work all night is constrained. And I am more tired. However, I can guarantee on most days to have 90 minutes to 120 minutes of complete joy with my kids, and weekends that take me away from 'office work'. And, that 36 hour weekend break is a weekly opportunity I have to review, contemplate, reprioritise--mostly holding this stuff in my head for the weekend. It was hard work at first and now it's something that I look forward to. On the downside the costs of failure are disproportionately higher. But that said - focus counts for a lot.
hendler 16y ago
Right now, I'm typing with a 4 month old on my lap. I'm into a second year of my latest startup. My wife works part time. I babysit 20 hours and work 60. Agree with other comments that fewer all night sprints, some support, and profitability are more of a prerequisite though. Maybe YCombinator and a baby are not possible? (Unless you are pg)
yayo 16y ago
I think it is possible but is really hard, even if you are a dad. 2 years ago i started my startup here in Chile, but in that time things didn't work and i had to return to a regular job, i married and had a beautiful little girl 2 days after the Big earthquake here in Talcahuano. This lasts months i have been constantly trying to go back with my "old" startup, but is difficult. A lot of time i struggle with the ideas give to my family a better future or a better present, because as long as my experience says you have to take a lot of family time in order to success in your dreams and projects, specially when you are in a "regular" job. Thanks god, now with the help of my wife we are getting back to work.
wyclif 16y ago
I'm a few years older than Jason, learning Python, and just had my first child 2 weeks ago. Calacanis is right about this much: having a kid is not overrated. It's amazing. However, I would echo another commenter here and suggest that what I've observed is that I waste less time than I did before the baby. Over the past few weeks I've been more focused and "in the moment" when I am working, because I know once my allotted work time is over, it's baby and Mommy time and rightly so. I've also, in general, been suffering fools less gladly. My time is worth more now. The one thing I would disagree with Jason about is waiting until a specific time (he says 30-something). I think it's a mistake to reduce it all to a matter of age; it really does depend on the personalities and circumstances of the parents. Some people are not going to have the energy at age 40 that they had when they were 20, especially if you didn't take care of your physical and mental health when you were young. He's right to add that they use up a lot of your energy. Another reason to consider starting a family early. I'll be 60 when my son turns 18 and presumably starts college. Not everyone wants to do that, or can!
- dennisgorelik 16y ago
  I'd recommend to have children early too: 1) The wisdom that comes with age does not really help much dealing with kids, but that wisdom would definitely help to run successful startup. 2) With age it's harder to have healthier babies. Especially for women. So it's better to slow your start-up development (or even postpone it if necessary) and have kids first.
  - wyclif 16y ago
    I'd modify those slightly: 1) I'd say that age-induced wisdom does help you parent well. Years of watching other parents have their mistakes and successes and the vicissitudes of your own life add perspective on human nature and parenthood. But it's not the be-all, end-all of parenting. 2) It is harder for women, and that's a major consideration, maybe the biggest one. For men, not so much. One of the benefits of being male is that you can keep having children (disclosure: my wife is significantly younger than me).
    - 16y ago
theDoug 16y ago
It has to be difficult, but everything in life is a choice about your division of dedication, time, and attention. Cyril Connolly said “There is no more sombre enemy of good art than the pram in the hall.”
hugh3 16y ago
The weird thing about this article is that he doesn't mention his wife at all. The only mention of wives in general comes at the end ("if you don't do this you'll have a spouse who is not happy"). It seems to me that whether you can have a baby and a startup depends almost entirely on what your wife is like. There's no reason your wife can't take care of the baby on her own with you popping in every now and then to put the bread on the table; it just depends on how supportive she is. (Yes, this post is horrendously sexist, no I don't feel like discussing that aspect of it, so if you feel compelled to stand up for the notion that men and women are entirely alike then just move on. For the case of a female entrepreneur I'd say no, you probably shouldn't have a baby and a startup at the same time.)
- steilpass 16y ago
  I second that. But it's about the time you have for your whole family including your wife.
- dolinsky 16y ago
  My reaction to your post wasn't one of sexism, but that I don't believe you are a parent yourself. Once you are a parent, the most important thing in the world is (or at least should be) your child. You're asking the wrong question (and probably not in the right mindset to be a parent yet, which is totally OK) if you're thinking "Why can't I have my wife be the mom and I can just show up for dinner?". As a new parent myself for the first time, I find myself every day thinking "What can I get done in X amount of time so I can go be a daddy".
  - davidw 16y ago
    Yes and no. It's complicated... and it's important to find the right balance for everyone. Perhaps the woman is happy to be a stay at home mom and dedicate herself to that. Perhaps she wants to do that for a year or two and then go back to work. Or perhaps she has aspirations of her own that, to be brutally honest, conflict with having a child to some degree, especially if dad wants to dedicate as much time as possible to a startup or his career. Of course, you can talk about this stuff beforehand, but once the baby arrives, everything can change in any case. It's not easy, but hugh3 is right, if nothing else, about the fact that the woman plays a huge role in things (duh:-) and not mentioning that is leaving out some of the story.
ThomPete 16y ago
As a parent myself I would like to turn it around a little. The question is not whether you should or shouldn't pull of your first startup after you have a kid, but what you want your kid to know you as. Many parent's cocoon once they become parents and become very risk averse. But there is no more risk doing a startup than there is keeping your job. There is no jobs that are safe. No certain income. By forcing yourself to become more risk averse (which starting a company perception wise would be) you are actually making yourself and your family a favor IMHO. You grab the bull by the horns and build a situation were risk is an active part of the game instead of being the pink elephant in the room. Living in Denmark we obviously have many more safety measures than in the US (and also rather high taxes) but as I said at the end of the day you are not more secure in a job than you are in a startup.
steilpass 16y ago
As not a side note: Thanks to my wife (and all the other wifes/husbands/friends) for your support!
dxjones 16y ago
Can you have a puppy and a startup?
- jasonmcalacanis 16y ago
  Yes, of this I know what I speak! http://cache.gawker.com/assets/resources/2007/09/jasonheartbulldogs.png http://cache.gawker.com/assets/resources/2007/09/jasonheartb...
  - dxjones 16y ago
    super cute!
tlrobinson 16y ago
A lot of people are saying "no, it's possible", but as far as I can tell none have already built a successful company (by Silicon Valley standards) while raising a baby; they are all "in-progress". Has anyone actually done it and care to share their experiences?
- TheSOB88 16y ago
  Jeff Vogel's been building computer games for 16 years, and his kids are younger than that. He runs his own company, but it's probably different than the companies people around here imagine themselves making. Anyways, http://jeff-vogel.blogspot.com/ http://jeff-vogel.blogspot.com/ . He has a bunch of baby stories (which are quite hilarious) http://www.ironycentral.com/babymain.html http://www.ironycentral.com/babymain.html .
- ryanelkins 16y ago
  I think those of us saying it's possible mean that it isn't impacting what we do in such a negative way that we feel it is altering our chances. I don't think my journey would be drastically different without kids. If you want a concrete example though, I know both the founders of Omniture had kids on the way to their IPO and eventual $1.6 billion acquisition.
- dbrannan 16y ago
  I have three kids (ages 4, 6, and 10) and built examprofessor.com which launched in 2006. The company is profitable, but not wildly successful by Silicon Valley standards. I am not the sole founder, but I venture to say I have done (and continue to do) my fair share of the work. I work on the design, sales, the user interface, programming, support, server maintenance, maintenance, accounting - nearly everything. The key to success? I try to make the product a little better each day, even if the changes are tiny (code comments, etc.). I am not able to sit down and bang out code all day due to family obligations, but persistence, focus, and making smart, calculated changes, over a longer period of time can make for a pretty fantastic product. Also, doing your own support + programming puts you in a unique position to listen, work on, and fix issues that cause the most problems. Rome wasn't built over night, so they say.
- 16y ago
mmastrac 16y ago
As the father of a four-year-old and the founder of two post-child startups, I can say that it's still possible to work on a startup and have a kid. The biggest change you'll find is that there's basically zero time left for your personal coding and hacking interests: setting up that home Samba server or writing an open-source project that isn't startup-related just never seem to have time to happen. I highly recommend finding a way to work from home as much as possible for the early years. The hours you lose on your commute are valuable time. Both startups (dotspots.com and gri.pe) are both zero-office affairs which meshed reasonably well with my family life. It also helps to be a Canadian: the expenses to cover food, utilities and mortgage aren't that hard to meet.
k7d 16y ago
"I've found I'm much more efficient than I was pre-baby" this is exactly what happend with me too http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1537811 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1537811
shawnzizzo 16y ago
I'm a new Dad, in my late 30's and I'm starting up a new business. It's not easy, but I have support. Although my wife and I are a team, she's taking on most of the work during the day (and in the night). She believes in me and wants to make sure that I have the bandwidth to do the things that I need to do. When I'm not working, I do my part to help with my son. We try and give each other "me time" breaks as much as possible. It's still early, but things are working out. The article definitely touches on one thing that is definitely true. Time is now no longer a luxury, it's a gift. So, you must make the most of it. This is driving me to be as efficient as possible. Which is something that I really need and I think it's going to benefit me. I think the one thing that actually drives me more so than before is that now when I'm working on my business, I feel a lot more motivated to get things done and being successful. My calculated risks are a little more calculated than before. I feel as though this is going to be one of the secrets to my success. Bottom line: I see this as an advantage...as long as you have that support.
maxawaytoolong 16y ago
This is a SWPL problem. Just take some of the weblogs inc money and hire a nanny.
sudonim 16y ago
Brandon, the founder at ChallengePost (I work there. @jason is an investor in us) has 3 young kids... yes, 3! I honestly don't know how he does it, but it works.
- jasonmcalacanis 16y ago
  Brandon is a force and the exception to the rule. ... the man doesn't sleep!
abstractbill 16y ago
I hate to be this negative, but the parenting threads on Hacker News have been almost uniformly useless to me. The one comment that stood out was: "Most of the advice you hear will work for everyone else's kids, but not yours". Only you are the expert on your life. Reading other peoples' anecdotes is fun, but at the end of the day not often very helpful. The one piece of advice I would give is to read this book: http://www.amazon.com/When-Partners-Become-Parents-Couples/dp/0805835598/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1288286365&sr=8-1 http://www.amazon.com/When-Partners-Become-Parents-Couples/d... It's an account of a study that looked at enough couples for actual trends to emerge. My wife and I found it incredibly useful.
jread 16y ago
4 kids and 1 year into a startup here. It is not easy. If you don't have the support of your wife (and you want to stay married), don't even try. You have to prioritize very well, and force yourself to take breaks for your family. You don't want to be absent for a year or more of your kids life, you'll never get that time back. You'll also need a more income or savings to cover basic expenses. It is a very difficult balancing act.
Mistone 16y ago
def agree with Jason's bottom line comments: 1. kids + no resources + first startup = #fail 2. kids + resources/support + second or third startup = totally fine/you’ll be inspired." For me its all about having resources and support, Jason is quite fortunate because he is wealthy and can afford all the extras like nanny's, night nurses, etc, so the load on his spouse is much manageable. On the flip side if your not wealthy its going to be much harder and puts you in the position that you need to take a decent salary if your going to go full time on your startup, which means you need traction and funding or a profitable business. Parenting is a fabulous example of bootstrapping - you get much craftier, less wasteful, and in fact may have more time on your hands because your at home more. Once the kids go to sleep - start hacking away at your projects. I would also say that when you have kids you appreciate some of the perks of normal job more like vacation time, steady income and health care benefits etc. We've been bootstrapping our company for 2 years now and I have 2 kids (4 and 2 yrs) and it has somehow worked but not without a lot of extra challenges. I'm hoping that at this point we have enough traction to take it to an Angel/VC and get some funding so I can digg in 150%.
Swoopey 16y ago
To answer the question outright, yes. Popular topic these days on HN. I am a 29 year-old female founder expecting my first child soon, based in Tokyo and I applied to YC recently. I have been blessed with an incredible support system. My husband and I both worked hard and saved over the last four years, my technical co-founder is an experienced parent of two in his 40s, the community here in Tokyo has been unbelievably supportive and, not to mention my family and close friends who are all aware of my YC application and have agreed to help us in both relocating to the valley and helping us on a rotating schedule to support us and help with our baby, if we are indeed selected. We have the resources and the support, as Jason has suggested is most critical. I personally think this is a perfect time for me to pursue my start-up, especially in Japan. Women in the workplace and policies here are still significantly behind those in the US. I've always taken huge risks and gone after what I wanted. This is no exception. http://takara.posterous.com/resigned-from-my-job-having-a-baby-and-foundi http://takara.posterous.com/resigned-from-my-job-having-a-ba...
marcamillion 16y ago
Jason has an interesting style. He takes his experiences and assumes that they can apply to everybody else that goes through similar situations with the same results. I had my first child while I was still working + studying, and yes I agree that if I was doing my startup then I would have probably gone through major shock. Having already had my first child, with the birth of my second and doing my startup, I knew what to kinda expect for the first few months + delivery. One of the first things I did, and realized, was that in order to have a good balance between the two, I had to get rid of the data plan on my phone. Otherwise, I wouldn't be 'in the moment' with my kids when I needed to be. The result has been phenomenal. When I only have a few hours to get everything done that I need to do, I get a lot done. Still could achieve more, but am much more productive for myself with two kids than I was working for someone else with one kid. I have also realized that it is better to do this while they are young enough to not remember these years too much. While I spend as much time with them as I can, the reality is that I will have to spend a lot of time working. But the trade-off is that if I do this now, in the first 5 - 10 years of their lives, then we can all enjoy more time and life in a different way when I am in my 30s and they are 8+. Please do NOT interpret that as me neglecting them. I am lucky enough to be in a situation where there is a lot of support (in-laws live on the same property and we have a nanny - I live in Jamaica so the cost of living is much lower than the US, so it doesn't drain my bank account too much) for my wife and she is VERY supportive. She is being mom full-time, which significantly helps. That being said, I make sure to bathe them a few evenings for the week and usually end up putting my eldest to bed 3/7 nights for the week (if not more, depending on what's happening with the family). Bedtime includes about 1 - 2 hours of dedicated them time - including stories, etc. I have also agreed, with my wife, that I will take the night shift on our 7 week old. That usually means that I am up until anywhere between 5 - 7am with her, feeding her and putting her back to sleep in intervals. So I try to do as much work as I can while she sleeps during the nights. As a result of that, I wake up about midday everyday and get straight to work. Usually work until 6pm, where I transition into evening routine. I don't know how long this will be sustainable for, but my wife is very flexible and supportive. Some people might say I am crazy for doing a startup now (with 2 young kids), while many of my friends are working at bigshot jobs in the corporate world, but I think this is the more prudent route for the security and stability of my family in the long term.

inspired by yesterday's thread of babies, i posted this to my email list.

Its definitely possible. My 2nd child was born just months before I quit my job to work full-time on my startup. My co-founder also had his first kid at the same time. We worked like crazy this last summer and just recently closed our first round of funding. Perhaps we were crazy (our wives definitely thought so) but we pulled it off. We're also only in our late 20's :)

ryanelkins 16y ago
As the co-founder mentioned above, I'll just add that it's important to have the support of your spouse. It works for us because my wife understands that I'm only going to see the baby for an hour or two if at all during the week (I help more on the weekends). My wife doesn't work and she feels lucky to be able to spend all day with our son. I think it might be harder as a baby turns into a child and wants a little more attention from both parents. With the proper support - definitely possible. I think doing a startup as a single parent with a baby would be near impossible.

jswinghammer 16y ago

I hear you but I disagree about not being able to pull off your first startup with a baby. I'm in the beginning stages of my first startup and I find that having children has inspired me to use my time as wisely as possible. I'm better with money now and because my daughter doesn't ever seem to want to stop moving I'm much more active than I was. I don't really find myself needing to work a lot of hours to make things happen so I'm able to spend plenty of time with my daughter. I have another kid on the way and while I've scaled back my feature list slightly for my next release I'm not terribly concerned about the impact to the business for a few months while I wait for things to settle down. I might be the exception to this though but so far it's been good. You're 100% correct about how great children are. Children are totally amazing. My daughter is the happiest person I've ever met. She has no idea what I'm doing or why but she loves having me around. Part of why I started this company was to (eventually) spend a lot of time with her as she gets older. I remind myself of that whenever I get discouraged.

joemak26 16y ago
Thats great you are much more focused. I have 3 under the age of 2 and I am still learning to be more focused. How are you able to support you and your daughter? Is your startup already profitable?

justinchen 16y ago

I'm in year 4 of my startup(s) and I just had my first child earlier this year. It's been very doable for me, but maybe it's because we're profitable. I can definitely see how it would have been tough in the beginning when it was all night coding marathons though.

RBr 16y ago

I think that the real answer to this lies in the support one has. If you don't have a strong support network, can't afford for your partner (wife, husband, whatever) to stay home, can't afford a full-time nanny, or don't have any other form of dedicated help (parents, etc), the chances of launching a successful startup decreases with a baby in the mix. Nothing is impossible. However, your chances of startup success go down if you're trying to juggle a newborn person with a newborn company. If you don't have help, I could see it being nearly impossible.

pshapiro 16y ago

What if your startup is your baby?

spoiledtechie 16y ago

Thanks for this all. As a scared soon to be father, I don't know how I will ever fit my Hobby (coding time) in with kids and my girl. Its hard enough to make her happy. hah

azeemazhar2 16y ago

Happen to agree with Jason on this one. So startups prior to marriage, working on my third when my first child was born. Moved to big corporate jobs with big perks for three years, then back to startups. We are at 3 kids (one of six weeks), and clearly the ability to work all night is constrained. And I am more tired. However, I can guarantee on most days to have 90 minutes to 120 minutes of complete joy with my kids, and weekends that take me away from 'office work'. And, that 36 hour weekend break is a weekly opportunity I have to review, contemplate, reprioritise--mostly holding this stuff in my head for the weekend. It was hard work at first and now it's something that I look forward to. On the downside the costs of failure are disproportionately higher. But that said - focus counts for a lot.

hendler 16y ago

Right now, I'm typing with a 4 month old on my lap. I'm into a second year of my latest startup. My wife works part time. I babysit 20 hours and work 60. Agree with other comments that fewer all night sprints, some support, and profitability are more of a prerequisite though. Maybe YCombinator and a baby are not possible? (Unless you are pg)

yayo 16y ago

I think it is possible but is really hard, even if you are a dad. 2 years ago i started my startup here in Chile, but in that time things didn't work and i had to return to a regular job, i married and had a beautiful little girl 2 days after the Big earthquake here in Talcahuano. This lasts months i have been constantly trying to go back with my "old" startup, but is difficult. A lot of time i struggle with the ideas give to my family a better future or a better present, because as long as my experience says you have to take a lot of family time in order to success in your dreams and projects, specially when you are in a "regular" job. Thanks god, now with the help of my wife we are getting back to work.

wyclif 16y ago

I'm a few years older than Jason, learning Python, and just had my first child 2 weeks ago. Calacanis is right about this much: having a kid is not overrated. It's amazing. However, I would echo another commenter here and suggest that what I've observed is that I waste less time than I did before the baby. Over the past few weeks I've been more focused and "in the moment" when I am working, because I know once my allotted work time is over, it's baby and Mommy time and rightly so. I've also, in general, been suffering fools less gladly. My time is worth more now. The one thing I would disagree with Jason about is waiting until a specific time (he says 30-something). I think it's a mistake to reduce it all to a matter of age; it really does depend on the personalities and circumstances of the parents. Some people are not going to have the energy at age 40 that they had when they were 20, especially if you didn't take care of your physical and mental health when you were young. He's right to add that they use up a lot of your energy. Another reason to consider starting a family early. I'll be 60 when my son turns 18 and presumably starts college. Not everyone wants to do that, or can!

dennisgorelik 16y ago
I'd recommend to have children early too: 1) The wisdom that comes with age does not really help much dealing with kids, but that wisdom would definitely help to run successful startup. 2) With age it's harder to have healthier babies. Especially for women. So it's better to slow your start-up development (or even postpone it if necessary) and have kids first.
- wyclif 16y ago
  I'd modify those slightly: 1) I'd say that age-induced wisdom does help you parent well. Years of watching other parents have their mistakes and successes and the vicissitudes of your own life add perspective on human nature and parenthood. But it's not the be-all, end-all of parenting. 2) It is harder for women, and that's a major consideration, maybe the biggest one. For men, not so much. One of the benefits of being male is that you can keep having children (disclosure: my wife is significantly younger than me).
  - 16y ago

theDoug 16y ago

It has to be difficult, but everything in life is a choice about your division of dedication, time, and attention. Cyril Connolly said “There is no more sombre enemy of good art than the pram in the hall.”

hugh3 16y ago

The weird thing about this article is that he doesn't mention his wife at all. The only mention of wives in general comes at the end ("if you don't do this you'll have a spouse who is not happy"). It seems to me that whether you can have a baby and a startup depends almost entirely on what your wife is like. There's no reason your wife can't take care of the baby on her own with you popping in every now and then to put the bread on the table; it just depends on how supportive she is. (Yes, this post is horrendously sexist, no I don't feel like discussing that aspect of it, so if you feel compelled to stand up for the notion that men and women are entirely alike then just move on. For the case of a female entrepreneur I'd say no, you probably shouldn't have a baby and a startup at the same time.)

steilpass 16y ago
I second that. But it's about the time you have for your whole family including your wife.
dolinsky 16y ago
My reaction to your post wasn't one of sexism, but that I don't believe you are a parent yourself. Once you are a parent, the most important thing in the world is (or at least should be) your child. You're asking the wrong question (and probably not in the right mindset to be a parent yet, which is totally OK) if you're thinking "Why can't I have my wife be the mom and I can just show up for dinner?". As a new parent myself for the first time, I find myself every day thinking "What can I get done in X amount of time so I can go be a daddy".
- davidw 16y ago
  Yes and no. It's complicated... and it's important to find the right balance for everyone. Perhaps the woman is happy to be a stay at home mom and dedicate herself to that. Perhaps she wants to do that for a year or two and then go back to work. Or perhaps she has aspirations of her own that, to be brutally honest, conflict with having a child to some degree, especially if dad wants to dedicate as much time as possible to a startup or his career. Of course, you can talk about this stuff beforehand, but once the baby arrives, everything can change in any case. It's not easy, but hugh3 is right, if nothing else, about the fact that the woman plays a huge role in things (duh:-) and not mentioning that is leaving out some of the story.

ThomPete 16y ago

As a parent myself I would like to turn it around a little. The question is not whether you should or shouldn't pull of your first startup after you have a kid, but what you want your kid to know you as. Many parent's cocoon once they become parents and become very risk averse. But there is no more risk doing a startup than there is keeping your job. There is no jobs that are safe. No certain income. By forcing yourself to become more risk averse (which starting a company perception wise would be) you are actually making yourself and your family a favor IMHO. You grab the bull by the horns and build a situation were risk is an active part of the game instead of being the pink elephant in the room. Living in Denmark we obviously have many more safety measures than in the US (and also rather high taxes) but as I said at the end of the day you are not more secure in a job than you are in a startup.

steilpass 16y ago

As not a side note: Thanks to my wife (and all the other wifes/husbands/friends) for your support!

dxjones 16y ago

Can you have a puppy and a startup?

jasonmcalacanis 16y ago
Yes, of this I know what I speak! http://cache.gawker.com/assets/resources/2007/09/jasonheartbulldogs.png http://cache.gawker.com/assets/resources/2007/09/jasonheartb...
- dxjones 16y ago
  super cute!

tlrobinson 16y ago

A lot of people are saying "no, it's possible", but as far as I can tell none have already built a successful company (by Silicon Valley standards) while raising a baby; they are all "in-progress". Has anyone actually done it and care to share their experiences?

TheSOB88 16y ago
Jeff Vogel's been building computer games for 16 years, and his kids are younger than that. He runs his own company, but it's probably different than the companies people around here imagine themselves making. Anyways, http://jeff-vogel.blogspot.com/ http://jeff-vogel.blogspot.com/ . He has a bunch of baby stories (which are quite hilarious) http://www.ironycentral.com/babymain.html http://www.ironycentral.com/babymain.html .
ryanelkins 16y ago
I think those of us saying it's possible mean that it isn't impacting what we do in such a negative way that we feel it is altering our chances. I don't think my journey would be drastically different without kids. If you want a concrete example though, I know both the founders of Omniture had kids on the way to their IPO and eventual $1.6 billion acquisition.
dbrannan 16y ago
I have three kids (ages 4, 6, and 10) and built examprofessor.com which launched in 2006. The company is profitable, but not wildly successful by Silicon Valley standards. I am not the sole founder, but I venture to say I have done (and continue to do) my fair share of the work. I work on the design, sales, the user interface, programming, support, server maintenance, maintenance, accounting - nearly everything. The key to success? I try to make the product a little better each day, even if the changes are tiny (code comments, etc.). I am not able to sit down and bang out code all day due to family obligations, but persistence, focus, and making smart, calculated changes, over a longer period of time can make for a pretty fantastic product. Also, doing your own support + programming puts you in a unique position to listen, work on, and fix issues that cause the most problems. Rome wasn't built over night, so they say.
16y ago

mmastrac 16y ago

As the father of a four-year-old and the founder of two post-child startups, I can say that it's still possible to work on a startup and have a kid. The biggest change you'll find is that there's basically zero time left for your personal coding and hacking interests: setting up that home Samba server or writing an open-source project that isn't startup-related just never seem to have time to happen. I highly recommend finding a way to work from home as much as possible for the early years. The hours you lose on your commute are valuable time. Both startups (dotspots.com and gri.pe) are both zero-office affairs which meshed reasonably well with my family life. It also helps to be a Canadian: the expenses to cover food, utilities and mortgage aren't that hard to meet.

k7d 16y ago

"I've found I'm much more efficient than I was pre-baby" this is exactly what happend with me too http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1537811 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1537811

shawnzizzo 16y ago

I'm a new Dad, in my late 30's and I'm starting up a new business. It's not easy, but I have support. Although my wife and I are a team, she's taking on most of the work during the day (and in the night). She believes in me and wants to make sure that I have the bandwidth to do the things that I need to do. When I'm not working, I do my part to help with my son. We try and give each other "me time" breaks as much as possible. It's still early, but things are working out. The article definitely touches on one thing that is definitely true. Time is now no longer a luxury, it's a gift. So, you must make the most of it. This is driving me to be as efficient as possible. Which is something that I really need and I think it's going to benefit me. I think the one thing that actually drives me more so than before is that now when I'm working on my business, I feel a lot more motivated to get things done and being successful. My calculated risks are a little more calculated than before. I feel as though this is going to be one of the secrets to my success. Bottom line: I see this as an advantage...as long as you have that support.

maxawaytoolong 16y ago

This is a SWPL problem. Just take some of the weblogs inc money and hire a nanny.

sudonim 16y ago

Brandon, the founder at ChallengePost (I work there. @jason is an investor in us) has 3 young kids... yes, 3! I honestly don't know how he does it, but it works.

jasonmcalacanis 16y ago
Brandon is a force and the exception to the rule. ... the man doesn't sleep!

abstractbill 16y ago

I hate to be this negative, but the parenting threads on Hacker News have been almost uniformly useless to me. The one comment that stood out was: "Most of the advice you hear will work for everyone else's kids, but not yours". Only you are the expert on your life. Reading other peoples' anecdotes is fun, but at the end of the day not often very helpful. The one piece of advice I would give is to read this book: http://www.amazon.com/When-Partners-Become-Parents-Couples/dp/0805835598/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1288286365&sr=8-1 http://www.amazon.com/When-Partners-Become-Parents-Couples/d... It's an account of a study that looked at enough couples for actual trends to emerge. My wife and I found it incredibly useful.

jread 16y ago

4 kids and 1 year into a startup here. It is not easy. If you don't have the support of your wife (and you want to stay married), don't even try. You have to prioritize very well, and force yourself to take breaks for your family. You don't want to be absent for a year or more of your kids life, you'll never get that time back. You'll also need a more income or savings to cover basic expenses. It is a very difficult balancing act.

Mistone 16y ago

def agree with Jason's bottom line comments: 1. kids + no resources + first startup = #fail 2. kids + resources/support + second or third startup = totally fine/you’ll be inspired." For me its all about having resources and support, Jason is quite fortunate because he is wealthy and can afford all the extras like nanny's, night nurses, etc, so the load on his spouse is much manageable. On the flip side if your not wealthy its going to be much harder and puts you in the position that you need to take a decent salary if your going to go full time on your startup, which means you need traction and funding or a profitable business. Parenting is a fabulous example of bootstrapping - you get much craftier, less wasteful, and in fact may have more time on your hands because your at home more. Once the kids go to sleep - start hacking away at your projects. I would also say that when you have kids you appreciate some of the perks of normal job more like vacation time, steady income and health care benefits etc. We've been bootstrapping our company for 2 years now and I have 2 kids (4 and 2 yrs) and it has somehow worked but not without a lot of extra challenges. I'm hoping that at this point we have enough traction to take it to an Angel/VC and get some funding so I can digg in 150%.

Swoopey 16y ago

To answer the question outright, yes. Popular topic these days on HN. I am a 29 year-old female founder expecting my first child soon, based in Tokyo and I applied to YC recently. I have been blessed with an incredible support system. My husband and I both worked hard and saved over the last four years, my technical co-founder is an experienced parent of two in his 40s, the community here in Tokyo has been unbelievably supportive and, not to mention my family and close friends who are all aware of my YC application and have agreed to help us in both relocating to the valley and helping us on a rotating schedule to support us and help with our baby, if we are indeed selected. We have the resources and the support, as Jason has suggested is most critical. I personally think this is a perfect time for me to pursue my start-up, especially in Japan. Women in the workplace and policies here are still significantly behind those in the US. I've always taken huge risks and gone after what I wanted. This is no exception. http://takara.posterous.com/resigned-from-my-job-having-a-baby-and-foundi http://takara.posterous.com/resigned-from-my-job-having-a-ba...

marcamillion 16y ago

Jason has an interesting style. He takes his experiences and assumes that they can apply to everybody else that goes through similar situations with the same results. I had my first child while I was still working + studying, and yes I agree that if I was doing my startup then I would have probably gone through major shock. Having already had my first child, with the birth of my second and doing my startup, I knew what to kinda expect for the first few months + delivery. One of the first things I did, and realized, was that in order to have a good balance between the two, I had to get rid of the data plan on my phone. Otherwise, I wouldn't be 'in the moment' with my kids when I needed to be. The result has been phenomenal. When I only have a few hours to get everything done that I need to do, I get a lot done. Still could achieve more, but am much more productive for myself with two kids than I was working for someone else with one kid. I have also realized that it is better to do this while they are young enough to not remember these years too much. While I spend as much time with them as I can, the reality is that I will have to spend a lot of time working. But the trade-off is that if I do this now, in the first 5 - 10 years of their lives, then we can all enjoy more time and life in a different way when I am in my 30s and they are 8+. Please do NOT interpret that as me neglecting them. I am lucky enough to be in a situation where there is a lot of support (in-laws live on the same property and we have a nanny - I live in Jamaica so the cost of living is much lower than the US, so it doesn't drain my bank account too much) for my wife and she is VERY supportive. She is being mom full-time, which significantly helps. That being said, I make sure to bathe them a few evenings for the week and usually end up putting my eldest to bed 3/7 nights for the week (if not more, depending on what's happening with the family). Bedtime includes about 1 - 2 hours of dedicated them time - including stories, etc. I have also agreed, with my wife, that I will take the night shift on our 7 week old. That usually means that I am up until anywhere between 5 - 7am with her, feeding her and putting her back to sleep in intervals. So I try to do as much work as I can while she sleeps during the nights. As a result of that, I wake up about midday everyday and get straight to work. Usually work until 6pm, where I transition into evening routine. I don't know how long this will be sustainable for, but my wife is very flexible and supportive. Some people might say I am crazy for doing a startup now (with 2 young kids), while many of my friends are working at bigshot jobs in the corporate world, but I think this is the more prudent route for the security and stability of my family in the long term.