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Can you explain why do you think it’s garbage?

by klohto 8y ago

dgzl 8y ago
Within, you'll find both facts and my own opinions. I believe that, in the beginning, Tinder shocked women because they a) were reaffirmed that they were held in high value, and b) a subset of men will ruin a good chance (i.e. matching with someone) by sending unwanted dickpicks or just bring gross. Over time, women felt jaded while also being put on a pedestal, a confusing situation no doubt. Now it's women's responsibility to avoid that, and they do so by being very selective with who they swipe on. As another commenter said, only the top percentage of men will regularly get matches while majority of women will easily match. (Anecdotal experience of mine and friends I talk with) This leads to men having to liberally swipe right, while women can be very selective. At the same time, cultural standards say men have to be the first ones to message when a match occurs, which furthers the disadvantage, and requires even more work from men before a connection is even made. And if your message doesn't meet the usually high bar, then too bad sucker. Even if you do, there's a decent chance you'll get ghosted after a few messages. I won't even go into the societal norms of men having to pay for the dates. (mostly because this is slightly shifting) Not to mention some of the seriously rude things I've found from the experience: "I'll always Love my dog more than you", "queen of xyz", "you better be this tall with this size of d!@$", direct racism against both black and white folks, saying "you have to put in more work than just saying hi" but then gives minimal effort in return. I also see a lot of "I love honestly, respect, love, kindness", being virtuous essentially, but then interacting with them gives me the entirely opposite vibe. OKC is a different bag of nonsense. They've really screwed the messaging system recently. First you have to "like" someone before you can message them, then you get one message to send before their profile disappears from you -unless- they like/message you back. If you made an error or forgot something in your initial message, too bad. If you want to talk with someone without "liking" them, too bad. Further, the message you send doesn't even end up in their inbox- the message replaces your profile card when you're searching the general pool. (I.e. the recieving party didn't get an alert when they have a message, they have to stumble across it on the website) Essentially, it feels like women hold all the chips for interaction, but they're also not being considerate about how they play the game. Both application boundaries and social boundaries give women the winning favor in online and regular dating. I believe there's an art for men to matching with women in the modern day, but I also believe that's it's based on a lot of shallow crap that women shouldn't be looking for in the first place.
- scrollaway 8y ago
  I met a few friends and two ex-girlfriends on OKC and, after returning to online dating recently, I am shocked by how garbage it has become. It definitely used to be a community / social network where conversations were less casual and more in-depth. It wasn't even elitist or anything, it's just straight up you would actually talk with someone and find out a lot about them before meeting up. Now it's… ergh. Now it's Tinder with a couple of slightly different features. Does anything like the old OKC still exist? I remember there were a lot of alternatives even back then that were trying to be niche-oriented but AFAIK they all died to make room for OKC.
  - purerandomness 8y ago
    It went downhill since OKC sold out to eHarmony
- 121789 8y ago
  Have you tried hinge or bumble? They address a few you of the issues you outlined.
  - dgzl 8y ago
    I've had even less luck on bumble, actually, along with less women that I personally am interested in.
  - ardit33 8y ago
    Bumble is supposed to solve the problem, by allowing the women to make the first move, but 90% of first messages are: "Hi", "Hey", or "How is it going", and the ball is on you court again to keep the convo going. My friends using it are having the same experience.
    - dgzl 8y ago
      Honestly, this fits my experience as well.
    - Foivos 8y ago

Can you explain why do you think it’s garbage?

by klohto 8y ago

Can you explain why do you think it’s garbage?

dgzl 8y ago

Within, you'll find both facts and my own opinions. I believe that, in the beginning, Tinder shocked women because they a) were reaffirmed that they were held in high value, and b) a subset of men will ruin a good chance (i.e. matching with someone) by sending unwanted dickpicks or just bring gross. Over time, women felt jaded while also being put on a pedestal, a confusing situation no doubt. Now it's women's responsibility to avoid that, and they do so by being very selective with who they swipe on. As another commenter said, only the top percentage of men will regularly get matches while majority of women will easily match. (Anecdotal experience of mine and friends I talk with) This leads to men having to liberally swipe right, while women can be very selective. At the same time, cultural standards say men have to be the first ones to message when a match occurs, which furthers the disadvantage, and requires even more work from men before a connection is even made. And if your message doesn't meet the usually high bar, then too bad sucker. Even if you do, there's a decent chance you'll get ghosted after a few messages. I won't even go into the societal norms of men having to pay for the dates. (mostly because this is slightly shifting) Not to mention some of the seriously rude things I've found from the experience: "I'll always Love my dog more than you", "queen of xyz", "you better be this tall with this size of d!@$", direct racism against both black and white folks, saying "you have to put in more work than just saying hi" but then gives minimal effort in return. I also see a lot of "I love honestly, respect, love, kindness", being virtuous essentially, but then interacting with them gives me the entirely opposite vibe. OKC is a different bag of nonsense. They've really screwed the messaging system recently. First you have to "like" someone before you can message them, then you get one message to send before their profile disappears from you -unless- they like/message you back. If you made an error or forgot something in your initial message, too bad. If you want to talk with someone without "liking" them, too bad. Further, the message you send doesn't even end up in their inbox- the message replaces your profile card when you're searching the general pool. (I.e. the recieving party didn't get an alert when they have a message, they have to stumble across it on the website) Essentially, it feels like women hold all the chips for interaction, but they're also not being considerate about how they play the game. Both application boundaries and social boundaries give women the winning favor in online and regular dating. I believe there's an art for men to matching with women in the modern day, but I also believe that's it's based on a lot of shallow crap that women shouldn't be looking for in the first place.

scrollaway 8y ago
I met a few friends and two ex-girlfriends on OKC and, after returning to online dating recently, I am shocked by how garbage it has become. It definitely used to be a community / social network where conversations were less casual and more in-depth. It wasn't even elitist or anything, it's just straight up you would actually talk with someone and find out a lot about them before meeting up. Now it's… ergh. Now it's Tinder with a couple of slightly different features. Does anything like the old OKC still exist? I remember there were a lot of alternatives even back then that were trying to be niche-oriented but AFAIK they all died to make room for OKC.
- purerandomness 8y ago
  It went downhill since OKC sold out to eHarmony
121789 8y ago
Have you tried hinge or bumble? They address a few you of the issues you outlined.
- dgzl 8y ago
  I've had even less luck on bumble, actually, along with less women that I personally am interested in.
- ardit33 8y ago
  Bumble is supposed to solve the problem, by allowing the women to make the first move, but 90% of first messages are: "Hi", "Hey", or "How is it going", and the ball is on you court again to keep the convo going. My friends using it are having the same experience.
  - dgzl 8y ago
    Honestly, this fits my experience as well.
  - Foivos 8y ago