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> As an Indian person you will have to probably over come a significant amount of resistance in order to even be allowed to attempt to chart your own path, but

by Arun2009 16y ago

> As an Indian person you will have to probably over come a significant amount of resistance in order to even be allowed to attempt to chart your own path, but even that permission is not theirs to give. It's... not that easy. Most people would agree that parents have a duty to take care of their children. India has a value system where children are expected to reciprocate when they grow up. Parents sacrifice a great deal for their children in India, and I'm not just speaking of financial aspects (though that can be substantial). In most families, the children, their education and their future success are the "grand projects" that the families' day to day lives revolve around. Even as a human unconditioned by any cultural idiosyncrasies, I think you do have a responsibility to treat them kindly. However, this doesn't mean that you have to blindly adopt their notions of success. In my case, I had to negotiate with them to redefine their ideas of a meaningful, fulfilling life so that I could be free.

zaidf 16y ago
The relationship you choose to have with your parentw and the career path you choose to take are two very different things. You guys seem to be confusing the two. The #1 concern of Indian parents is their values and their kids' success. Your career path is simply one value. Many Indian parents want their kids to be engineers and doctors. You can try explaining them you're not interested in that. And finally, you can tell them to f-off and go do your own thing. But does that mean you HAVE to abandon all your values? HELL no. I still believe that my parents have as much right to any wealth I created as I do. I still believe I need to care for my parents when they age. I still believe in many of our quirky customs. In fact, if you can reassure your parents that you still care for some of the values, it can lighten the air. Parents think that because you are going away from one of the values you are breaking away from all of them. It may be true. But not necessarily. In my case, I told my parents that I wanted to take time off from school and move to San Francisco after I finished our summer at YC. My Dad was well primed about this. And yet, he could not come to terms with me actually doing this. So he asked "why do you want to goto San Francisco?". I was already upset and the general tone on the dinner table was pretty heated. I carelessly replied "because I feel like it." At the time, it came across as rude though I didn't mean it that way. Over time, my family understood the innocent nature of those words. The next day and over time, it made a lot more sense to my family about where I was coming from. Likewise, at the time I did not understand my family's concerns. Over time, I did. I realized that I did not so much want to abandon all my values; that I still cared very deeply for my parents; and that my parents had some legit concerns. Just because I want a career different than what my family wants does not mean there are deeper value differences. Oh, and when you are broke and need money, you can mostly count on your Indian parents to bail you out if they are slightly capable to:) Time. And again. --Child of two Indian doctors
- stretchwithme 16y ago
  don't abandon ANY of your values. But make sure that they're YOUR values.

zaidf 16y ago

The relationship you choose to have with your parentw and the career path you choose to take are two very different things. You guys seem to be confusing the two. The #1 concern of Indian parents is their values and their kids' success. Your career path is simply one value. Many Indian parents want their kids to be engineers and doctors. You can try explaining them you're not interested in that. And finally, you can tell them to f-off and go do your own thing. But does that mean you HAVE to abandon all your values? HELL no. I still believe that my parents have as much right to any wealth I created as I do. I still believe I need to care for my parents when they age. I still believe in many of our quirky customs. In fact, if you can reassure your parents that you still care for some of the values, it can lighten the air. Parents think that because you are going away from one of the values you are breaking away from all of them. It may be true. But not necessarily. In my case, I told my parents that I wanted to take time off from school and move to San Francisco after I finished our summer at YC. My Dad was well primed about this. And yet, he could not come to terms with me actually doing this. So he asked "why do you want to goto San Francisco?". I was already upset and the general tone on the dinner table was pretty heated. I carelessly replied "because I feel like it." At the time, it came across as rude though I didn't mean it that way. Over time, my family understood the innocent nature of those words. The next day and over time, it made a lot more sense to my family about where I was coming from. Likewise, at the time I did not understand my family's concerns. Over time, I did. I realized that I did not so much want to abandon all my values; that I still cared very deeply for my parents; and that my parents had some legit concerns. Just because I want a career different than what my family wants does not mean there are deeper value differences. Oh, and when you are broke and need money, you can mostly count on your Indian parents to bail you out if they are slightly capable to:) Time. And again. --Child of two Indian doctors

stretchwithme 16y ago
don't abandon ANY of your values. But make sure that they're YOUR values.