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They fuck you up, your mom and dad They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you. But they

They fuck you up, your mom and dad They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you. But they were fucked up in their turn By fools in old-style hats and coats, Who half the time were soppy-stern And half at one another's throats. Man hands on misery to man It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can And don't have any kids yourself. -- Philip Larkin

B1FF_PSUVM 8y ago
The lament of an entitled little jerk, who does not feel an iota of gratitude for all that he was given, and is not in the mood to give anything to anyone.
- rbg246 8y ago
  Not sure how you are a self-entitled jerk to note that your parents give you their good and their bad qualities.
- yesbabyyes 8y ago
  I don't know; I'm not at all familiar with Larkin, or his other work. Honestly, when I first came across this I was at a bad place, and your comment would be a mean, but not entirely misplaced description of my disposition at the time. During this time, I was living very close to my mother, and working for my father. Today, I read it with some black humor; I can't take it at face value at all. It's obvious to me that it's not the whole truth, but perhaps it's a perspective that it's ok to bring out once in a while. I guess, what I mean is, it's common to feel resentment towards your parents at times, and that feeling, too, has a place in the arts. I came across this analysis of the poem[0]; not least interesting is that Larkin may well have written it while living with his own mother. To stay too close to your parents in adulthood can be _very_ hard, in ways that aren't always easily seen from outside. Not from malice, but I felt it exactly the same way (the second verse is not a bad description of my grand-parents--in their worst moments; I knew them and I love them very much, but they were no saints). Anyway, I think you have to read it with a good sense of dark humor. As the linked article says, they do, literally, fuck us up into this world, our parents. ;) There is a response to Larkin's "This Be The Verse", by Richard Kell. While I agree with the spirit of it, I just think it's bad poetry. Not least that it starts with a moral commandment. It's like, "if you were born to 'bad' parents, they were 'bad' parents". Well, no shit. This Be The Converse They buck you up, your mum and dad, Or if they don't they clearly should. No decent parents let the bad They've handed on defeat the good. Forebears you reckon daft old farts, Bucked up in their turn by a creed Whose homely mixture warmed their hearts, Were just the counsellors you need. Life is no continental shelf: It lifts and falls as mountains do. So, if you have some kids yourself, They could reach higher ground than you. [0] https://interestingliterature.com/2016/06/24/a-short-analysis-of-philip-larkins-this-be-the-verse/ https://interestingliterature.com/2016/06/24/a-short-analysi...
taneq 8y ago
Honestly I think it's the other way around. Yes, we inherit some issues from our parents, both through genetics and through the way we're raised. But you don't have to go many generations back (at least in my family) to see a massive upwards trend in how well we were raised and cared for. I look back at my parents and see flaws in them from the ways they were raised, which I don't have because they worked so hard to make my childhood better. And then from them back to my grandparents, who despite their own flaws and challenges, mostly did far better than their parents.
- de_watcher 8y ago
  Of course it is. As for everybody on HN. That's the survivalship bias.

B1FF_PSUVM 8y ago

The lament of an entitled little jerk, who does not feel an iota of gratitude for all that he was given, and is not in the mood to give anything to anyone.

rbg246 8y ago
Not sure how you are a self-entitled jerk to note that your parents give you their good and their bad qualities.
yesbabyyes 8y ago
I don't know; I'm not at all familiar with Larkin, or his other work. Honestly, when I first came across this I was at a bad place, and your comment would be a mean, but not entirely misplaced description of my disposition at the time. During this time, I was living very close to my mother, and working for my father. Today, I read it with some black humor; I can't take it at face value at all. It's obvious to me that it's not the whole truth, but perhaps it's a perspective that it's ok to bring out once in a while. I guess, what I mean is, it's common to feel resentment towards your parents at times, and that feeling, too, has a place in the arts. I came across this analysis of the poem[0]; not least interesting is that Larkin may well have written it while living with his own mother. To stay too close to your parents in adulthood can be _very_ hard, in ways that aren't always easily seen from outside. Not from malice, but I felt it exactly the same way (the second verse is not a bad description of my grand-parents--in their worst moments; I knew them and I love them very much, but they were no saints). Anyway, I think you have to read it with a good sense of dark humor. As the linked article says, they do, literally, fuck us up into this world, our parents. ;) There is a response to Larkin's "This Be The Verse", by Richard Kell. While I agree with the spirit of it, I just think it's bad poetry. Not least that it starts with a moral commandment. It's like, "if you were born to 'bad' parents, they were 'bad' parents". Well, no shit. This Be The Converse They buck you up, your mum and dad, Or if they don't they clearly should. No decent parents let the bad They've handed on defeat the good. Forebears you reckon daft old farts, Bucked up in their turn by a creed Whose homely mixture warmed their hearts, Were just the counsellors you need. Life is no continental shelf: It lifts and falls as mountains do. So, if you have some kids yourself, They could reach higher ground than you. [0] https://interestingliterature.com/2016/06/24/a-short-analysis-of-philip-larkins-this-be-the-verse/ https://interestingliterature.com/2016/06/24/a-short-analysi...

taneq 8y ago

Honestly I think it's the other way around. Yes, we inherit some issues from our parents, both through genetics and through the way we're raised. But you don't have to go many generations back (at least in my family) to see a massive upwards trend in how well we were raised and cared for. I look back at my parents and see flaws in them from the ways they were raised, which I don't have because they worked so hard to make my childhood better. And then from them back to my grandparents, who despite their own flaws and challenges, mostly did far better than their parents.

de_watcher 8y ago
Of course it is. As for everybody on HN. That's the survivalship bias.