There’s only one time I ever spanked either of my children (one boy one girl). Both of them around 5 years old went through a phase where they started dealing

There’s only one time I ever spanked either of my children (one boy one girl). Both of them around 5 years old went through a phase where they started dealing with anger/upset by hitting. In particular mom would enforce some limit or positive discipline or be telling them to do something and an argument would escalate to the child starting to pummel my wife. At first this was dealt with separating them, carrying the child to their room and putting them on their bed and telling them to stay there until they have calmed down. Many discussions around better ways to respond, how to use their voice, how to manage that fire that builds up in their belly, what to do with their hands when they feel that urge to just hit, etc. At some point you hit a wall with these strategies. It’s like telling a child “don’t run down the stairs” a hundred times but until they come crashing down and get a nasty bruise they won’t stop doing it. So for both kids eventually there came a day when they were causing real physical harm to my wife (a small child can actually still hurt you) and it crossed a line. “What you are doing is hurting your mom. Not just her heart but her body. It’s OK to be angry. Sometimes if you have to yell it’s OK to yell. It’s never OK to hit, kick, bite or scratch in anger. In the world if you hit someone do you know what happens? Besides getting in big trouble? You get hit back. The next time you hit your mom you’re getting a spanking.” And then I proceeded to explain how in some houses children who misbehave get spanked, and that’s not how we choose to do it. But this has gotten to the point where we’re going to try that if it happens again. Sure enough several days later another tantrum lead to my child starting to punch and kick. I think in the end actually spanking my child was more memorable for me than it was for them. But I could see it clicked immediately for them. For both of them it was a last resort, and for both of them it was necessary to finally crystallize that meltdowns can happen, but a violent meltdown is truly unacceptable. In both cases I wished I hadn’t waited as long to finally resort to corporeal punishment because frankly the emotional distress to my wife in the meantime was a big cost to pay to avoid using it. It’s so easy to gloss over the true grit involved in day-to-day parenting. Shit can get real, and spanking or not spanking both can carry consequences. It’s easy to demonize the parent who resorts to spanking their child as an outlet for their own frustration. I think the modern attitude of shocked outrage to any spanking is itself damaging (even if many instances of spanking are indeed shocking and outrageous) But it is also possible that not all children can learn all lessons aurally, and some lessons/boundaries are absolutely crucial to be established for the health and safety of the child, or the rest of the family.