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I don't think that any traits are inherently negative. For example I have some autistic or Asperger's traits. I had spent many years being confused that I wasn

I don't think that any traits are inherently negative. For example I have some autistic or Asperger's traits. I had spent many years being confused that I wasn't able to do some things socially that were super easy for others. After learning about this I just felt relief. These traits are part of me like my height and hair color. Not negative, not positive.

neotrope 8y ago
You’re confusing disorders from personalities.
- maxxxxx 8y ago
  What's the difference? Why would I try treat autistic tendencies differently from being introvert? I don't want to live my life feeling defective.
  - ionised 8y ago
    because introversion isn't a defect anymore than extraversion is. It certainly isn't a disorder like autism, though they may come in pairs.
    - creep 8y ago
      Gender dysphoria was a "disorder" back in the day. Disorders are defined by the society in which the trait (or "symptoms") arise. In South America, people who hear voices and have visions are recognized as having the potential to become a shaman. Shamans are seen as the protectors and healers of a village-- lauded and respected. In North America they are called schizophrenics. We distrust schizophrenics here and don't really know at all how to "help" them. They don't have a place here. I have autism and I don't see myself as being disordered. I have trouble sometimes in North America, but any help I need is due to my non-alignment with the culture, not due to myself inherently. Extroversion could be a disorder in a place like Japan, where personal space, privacy, subtlety, boundaries between strangers, and silence are highly valued. In America extroversion is often a huge advantage. Nothing is a defect in the right context, just like anything could be in another.
analog31 8y ago
Unfortunately, a lot of people harbor negative stereotypes about some traits, such as introversion and anti-authoritarianism. People may also believe that they have a better chance of manipulating you, if they know something special about you. And "there are no wrong answers" may just be a deceit, to encourage you to reveal those traits. Of course there are wrong answers.
njarboe 8y ago
Depends what you want out of life. Your height is what it is, so best not to dwell on it, but, if you are a man, being 6'1 instead of 5'6 will change how most people view you. If the words have any meaning, it would be a negative to be that short compared to being tall.
scythe 8y ago
I disagree. I consider some parts of my personality to be unambiguously bad and prefer they would change. I prefer this kind of self-image to the current vogue of never seeing the negatives.
- maxxxxx 8y ago
  If you are able to change them, then view them as negative and change them. But others can't be changed or at least they are difficult to change. I have spent almost 50 years trying to figure out how to behave correctly in certain social situations but never found a way to do so. Now I just say "f..k it" and don't even try. Instead I focus on things I can change. I don't beat myself up anymore over things I can't change. I find this much more productive.
  - creep 8y ago
    100% agree with you. It's the difference between self-improvement and attempting to squeeze a square peg through a round hole. I can't change the autism any more than I can make myself taller, so why bother?
  - faceplanted 8y ago
    If you don't mind my asking, could you give a few examples of these social situations and what troubles you had? I only ask because I went through rather an opposite path of believing from a young age that because I couldn't manage certain social situations that I must be on the spectrum in some way^[1], and once I changed who I was in those situations with I was able to relearn how to work in them. So it's interesting to me to hear what someone on other end experienced. ^[1] (even after my school sending me for analysis cleared me of that almost immediately, I assumed there must be something. Later it turned out I was in a very inhospitable environment growing up and had developed coping mechanisms for being around people that didn't express around psychologists or psychiatrists)
    - maxxxxx 8y ago
      For example I have never done well in group situations. I see other people having fun and bonding while I am on the sidelines, don't have fun and don't make connections. I have tried a lot of things but I never got comfortable. This contrasts to other things like public speaking or talking to women. There I took advice and could implement it with a lot of effort and eventual improvement. But there are situations where I simply don't improve despite other people handling them naturally without effort. I also can identify with some typical autistic traits. I would compare it to a dyslexic ex coworker. I can look at a sheet of paper and read it within seconds, understand it and spot spelling errors. He could stare at it for hours and only see a jumble of letters. I practiced a lot with him but he just didn't improve. On the other hand the same person could go to a bar, look at people, and immediately he knew who to talk to in what way. I go to a bar, see random people, but simply can't read the situation. Does this make sense? I have improved a lot from a miserable childhood up to my 30s to now being socially reasonable functioning but I have some hard limits I can't overcome no matter how I try. Now I am accepting this and feel liberated from pressure.

neotrope 8y ago

You’re confusing disorders from personalities.

maxxxxx 8y ago
What's the difference? Why would I try treat autistic tendencies differently from being introvert? I don't want to live my life feeling defective.
- ionised 8y ago
  because introversion isn't a defect anymore than extraversion is. It certainly isn't a disorder like autism, though they may come in pairs.
  - creep 8y ago
    Gender dysphoria was a "disorder" back in the day. Disorders are defined by the society in which the trait (or "symptoms") arise. In South America, people who hear voices and have visions are recognized as having the potential to become a shaman. Shamans are seen as the protectors and healers of a village-- lauded and respected. In North America they are called schizophrenics. We distrust schizophrenics here and don't really know at all how to "help" them. They don't have a place here. I have autism and I don't see myself as being disordered. I have trouble sometimes in North America, but any help I need is due to my non-alignment with the culture, not due to myself inherently. Extroversion could be a disorder in a place like Japan, where personal space, privacy, subtlety, boundaries between strangers, and silence are highly valued. In America extroversion is often a huge advantage. Nothing is a defect in the right context, just like anything could be in another.

analog31 8y ago

Unfortunately, a lot of people harbor negative stereotypes about some traits, such as introversion and anti-authoritarianism. People may also believe that they have a better chance of manipulating you, if they know something special about you. And "there are no wrong answers" may just be a deceit, to encourage you to reveal those traits. Of course there are wrong answers.

njarboe 8y ago

Depends what you want out of life. Your height is what it is, so best not to dwell on it, but, if you are a man, being 6'1 instead of 5'6 will change how most people view you. If the words have any meaning, it would be a negative to be that short compared to being tall.

scythe 8y ago

I disagree. I consider some parts of my personality to be unambiguously bad and prefer they would change. I prefer this kind of self-image to the current vogue of never seeing the negatives.

maxxxxx 8y ago
If you are able to change them, then view them as negative and change them. But others can't be changed or at least they are difficult to change. I have spent almost 50 years trying to figure out how to behave correctly in certain social situations but never found a way to do so. Now I just say "f..k it" and don't even try. Instead I focus on things I can change. I don't beat myself up anymore over things I can't change. I find this much more productive.
- creep 8y ago
  100% agree with you. It's the difference between self-improvement and attempting to squeeze a square peg through a round hole. I can't change the autism any more than I can make myself taller, so why bother?
- faceplanted 8y ago
  If you don't mind my asking, could you give a few examples of these social situations and what troubles you had? I only ask because I went through rather an opposite path of believing from a young age that because I couldn't manage certain social situations that I must be on the spectrum in some way^[1], and once I changed who I was in those situations with I was able to relearn how to work in them. So it's interesting to me to hear what someone on other end experienced. ^[1] (even after my school sending me for analysis cleared me of that almost immediately, I assumed there must be something. Later it turned out I was in a very inhospitable environment growing up and had developed coping mechanisms for being around people that didn't express around psychologists or psychiatrists)
  - maxxxxx 8y ago
    For example I have never done well in group situations. I see other people having fun and bonding while I am on the sidelines, don't have fun and don't make connections. I have tried a lot of things but I never got comfortable. This contrasts to other things like public speaking or talking to women. There I took advice and could implement it with a lot of effort and eventual improvement. But there are situations where I simply don't improve despite other people handling them naturally without effort. I also can identify with some typical autistic traits. I would compare it to a dyslexic ex coworker. I can look at a sheet of paper and read it within seconds, understand it and spot spelling errors. He could stare at it for hours and only see a jumble of letters. I practiced a lot with him but he just didn't improve. On the other hand the same person could go to a bar, look at people, and immediately he knew who to talk to in what way. I go to a bar, see random people, but simply can't read the situation. Does this make sense? I have improved a lot from a miserable childhood up to my 30s to now being socially reasonable functioning but I have some hard limits I can't overcome no matter how I try. Now I am accepting this and feel liberated from pressure.