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Improving yourself is only painful if you lack humility. If you have an honest and realistic idea of how ordinary you currently are, and honest and realistic id

Improving yourself is only painful if you lack humility. If you have an honest and realistic idea of how ordinary you currently are, and honest and realistic idea of what you can actually achieve in 5 years, then the gradual self-improvement process is pretty damn satisfying. The problem isn't self-improvement. The problem is typically you get deluded about your own magnificence, and you refuse to pop this delusion. Rip the band-aid off, once and for all. Here and now. Recognize you are not the special person you thought you were. Really see how incredible all the people around you are. And I mean locally. I don't mean people on the internet. I just mean the ordinary people around you scratching themselves out lives that seem to satisfy them. Become one of them. If you have it, keep all the ambition you have. But become satisfied with the process of becoming what you want to be. Find someone, or something to pay you to become who you want to be. This will not be easy, and the work will not be easy, but the pain will be growing pain, and not decaying pain. Decaying pain is what kills you. Most of the work will be unpaid, this is okay. A happy little flow of money is enough, because some money is really damn useful. Some food, some shelter, some freedom. But there is much less in life that money will buy you than people think there is. And there is much more in life that money robs you of than people realize. Again, rip the band-aid off. Right here and now. If you do it slowly like most people do, you'll mistake the slow process of becoming wise to your own ordinariness for decay. Rip it off, and then you can improve yourself without pain.

mysterydip 8y ago
A related quote I read in a book recently: "You're in trouble when you start believing you're as good as people tell you you are."
- thewizardofaus 8y ago
  I really like this quote!
- wallace_f 8y ago
  Not just in trouble, but it can really turn you into a terrible person in some cases where you end up with a lot of praise and luck, like the Zuckerburgs, Pol Pots, an inordinate amount of people working on Wall St, etc.
internet555 8y ago
I agree. Many view self improvement as being a jacked millionaire genius or whatever. Self improvement for me is if I managed to do some small stretching routine to keep my legs a bit more flexible that day, did a small walk, had good oral hygiene, and maybe read the newspaper a bit in the evening. I was never in the running to be a jacked millionaire genius or whatever the fantasy is.
jniedrauer 8y ago
> Really see how incredible all the people around you are. And I mean locally. ...the ordinary people around you scratching themselves out lives that seem to satisfy them. Become one of them. This sentiment has very little actual substance to it. I'm dissatisfied because I want to do something meaningful. I want to leave behind tools that will better my species. I don't want my legacy to be solving a few bugs in obscure proprietary software. Why would I want to emulate people who are satisfied with a meaningless existence? I would much rather rage against the dying of the light. > Most of the work will be unpaid, this is okay. A happy little flow of money is enough, because some money is really damn useful. In a very literal sense, we trade life force for money. Money is life force. Telling people to work for free is doing them a disservice. What exactly are you saying? Rip off the band-aid of ambition and stop trying?
- jonnybgood 8y ago
  What you find meaningful, others may not. It should in no way imply others are living a meaningless existence.
- Tomminn 8y ago
  When you try to do something ambitious, generally you spend the vast majority of the time as a stumbling amateur who is totally confused about the right thing to do. If you don't accept this is what you are, then the day that reality spits in your face the truth that you are stumbling amateur who has been totally confused about the right thing to do, you will be crushed. If you accept this is what you are, then the day that reality spits in your face the truth that you are a stumbling amateur who has been totally confused about the right thing to do, you will laugh and make the proper adjustments.
- teekert 8y ago
  I guess the question is: When will you be truly happy? Will you be happy when you have helped humanity forward in any significant way? Or, will you be happy when you have good relations with the people around you and a generally fun existence? Few people actually help humanity forward in any significant way and thus you are likely setting yourself up for disappointment. I'd even argue that setting more realistic goals makes you more happy and this simple fact increases your odds of helping humanity significantly forward. Think about it, when is your energy level highest? When do you wake up with that sense of wonder and awe and motivation? What are you telling yourself every day, is it truly constructive or just demotivating?
InclinedPlane 8y ago
People want instant gratification, they want to compete, they want to crush everyone else with how awesome they are (especially in America). None of which is necessary or desirable for most self improvement. Just consistently getting out there and doing the thing. Being mindful, being present, taking the effort to be introspective and thoughtful, and consistently making a habit of something will lead to become expert at it. Whether it's running, swimming, backpacking, sailing, biking, yoga, drawing, playing the guitar, speaking another language, cooking, or even just being able to process and deal with your own emotions in a healthy and mature fashion.
- saiya-jin 8y ago
  Good comment but for me this goes deeper. Somewhere on very basic existential level, people are either content with who they are, or they are not. Those they are need to be in properly miserable place to feel long term bad about themselves, and those who aren't are exact opposite - they can't reach proper long-term happiness no matter how much they achieve. Tons of people that are ridiculously successful and achieved a lot on the outside are deeply dissatisfied inside, and so far I haven't heard about a single case where this can be really fixed and they can just sit back and enjoy the life (for more than a passing moment). I would feel bad about those unfortunate souls with this constant drive, but that would require ignoring much worse things in this world. So thank you all of you crazy overachievers. And go take a break and enjoy the sun and the breeze for a moment.
erik14th 8y ago
It is also incredibly painful when your conscience and your actual means to achieve what you can conceive are way too far apart, and one of your addictions is to actualize your conscience further neglecting whatever little improvements you could be doing, because not only your end but also your midgame seems hopelessly far away. Life is way too short to actualize all the improvements you can learn, the speed disparity between learning and executing can be just downright atrocious. Unpaid work is not ok for a vast majority of humanity, lest we forget that what still kill most of us is not disillusion pain but the lack of basic needs, and that kind of stuff kills you way faster, yes money robs most of us of life, and most of us simply do not have the time or mental space to ever come close to realize it, since we're either strangled by basic needs or entangled in a web of distraction/disinformation. While information has been made widely available to almost half of humanity, the power to act on most said information is still in the hands of a pretty darn small minority. Sorry for the rant :E
Vinnl 8y ago
> Recognize you are not the special person you thought you were. Really see how incredible all the people around you are. What helped for me (though I'm not sure how realistic I currently am - but surely more than before) is not to realise how amazing the people around me are, but how ordinary the people I look up to are - specifically, not locally. For example, I'd like to be a good programmer. There are a few "big names" online that people listen to; that I listen to. At a certain point, you realise they too make mistakes, they too don't know things that you do, and they have sacrificed some things to get where they are that I am simply not willing to sacrifice - but if I were, I might make it to the same place. But I'm not, and that's fine - now I know what I get back for not being where they are.
edna314 8y ago
Improvement is always a matter of judgement. Of course, if you are super humble everything will seem like an improvement. But isn’t that kind of cheating ?

mysterydip 8y ago

A related quote I read in a book recently: "You're in trouble when you start believing you're as good as people tell you you are."

thewizardofaus 8y ago
I really like this quote!
wallace_f 8y ago
Not just in trouble, but it can really turn you into a terrible person in some cases where you end up with a lot of praise and luck, like the Zuckerburgs, Pol Pots, an inordinate amount of people working on Wall St, etc.

internet555 8y ago

I agree. Many view self improvement as being a jacked millionaire genius or whatever. Self improvement for me is if I managed to do some small stretching routine to keep my legs a bit more flexible that day, did a small walk, had good oral hygiene, and maybe read the newspaper a bit in the evening. I was never in the running to be a jacked millionaire genius or whatever the fantasy is.

jniedrauer 8y ago

> Really see how incredible all the people around you are. And I mean locally. ...the ordinary people around you scratching themselves out lives that seem to satisfy them. Become one of them. This sentiment has very little actual substance to it. I'm dissatisfied because I want to do something meaningful. I want to leave behind tools that will better my species. I don't want my legacy to be solving a few bugs in obscure proprietary software. Why would I want to emulate people who are satisfied with a meaningless existence? I would much rather rage against the dying of the light. > Most of the work will be unpaid, this is okay. A happy little flow of money is enough, because some money is really damn useful. In a very literal sense, we trade life force for money. Money is life force. Telling people to work for free is doing them a disservice. What exactly are you saying? Rip off the band-aid of ambition and stop trying?

jonnybgood 8y ago
What you find meaningful, others may not. It should in no way imply others are living a meaningless existence.
Tomminn 8y ago
When you try to do something ambitious, generally you spend the vast majority of the time as a stumbling amateur who is totally confused about the right thing to do. If you don't accept this is what you are, then the day that reality spits in your face the truth that you are stumbling amateur who has been totally confused about the right thing to do, you will be crushed. If you accept this is what you are, then the day that reality spits in your face the truth that you are a stumbling amateur who has been totally confused about the right thing to do, you will laugh and make the proper adjustments.
teekert 8y ago
I guess the question is: When will you be truly happy? Will you be happy when you have helped humanity forward in any significant way? Or, will you be happy when you have good relations with the people around you and a generally fun existence? Few people actually help humanity forward in any significant way and thus you are likely setting yourself up for disappointment. I'd even argue that setting more realistic goals makes you more happy and this simple fact increases your odds of helping humanity significantly forward. Think about it, when is your energy level highest? When do you wake up with that sense of wonder and awe and motivation? What are you telling yourself every day, is it truly constructive or just demotivating?

InclinedPlane 8y ago

People want instant gratification, they want to compete, they want to crush everyone else with how awesome they are (especially in America). None of which is necessary or desirable for most self improvement. Just consistently getting out there and doing the thing. Being mindful, being present, taking the effort to be introspective and thoughtful, and consistently making a habit of something will lead to become expert at it. Whether it's running, swimming, backpacking, sailing, biking, yoga, drawing, playing the guitar, speaking another language, cooking, or even just being able to process and deal with your own emotions in a healthy and mature fashion.

saiya-jin 8y ago
Good comment but for me this goes deeper. Somewhere on very basic existential level, people are either content with who they are, or they are not. Those they are need to be in properly miserable place to feel long term bad about themselves, and those who aren't are exact opposite - they can't reach proper long-term happiness no matter how much they achieve. Tons of people that are ridiculously successful and achieved a lot on the outside are deeply dissatisfied inside, and so far I haven't heard about a single case where this can be really fixed and they can just sit back and enjoy the life (for more than a passing moment). I would feel bad about those unfortunate souls with this constant drive, but that would require ignoring much worse things in this world. So thank you all of you crazy overachievers. And go take a break and enjoy the sun and the breeze for a moment.

erik14th 8y ago

It is also incredibly painful when your conscience and your actual means to achieve what you can conceive are way too far apart, and one of your addictions is to actualize your conscience further neglecting whatever little improvements you could be doing, because not only your end but also your midgame seems hopelessly far away. Life is way too short to actualize all the improvements you can learn, the speed disparity between learning and executing can be just downright atrocious. Unpaid work is not ok for a vast majority of humanity, lest we forget that what still kill most of us is not disillusion pain but the lack of basic needs, and that kind of stuff kills you way faster, yes money robs most of us of life, and most of us simply do not have the time or mental space to ever come close to realize it, since we're either strangled by basic needs or entangled in a web of distraction/disinformation. While information has been made widely available to almost half of humanity, the power to act on most said information is still in the hands of a pretty darn small minority. Sorry for the rant :E

Vinnl 8y ago

> Recognize you are not the special person you thought you were. Really see how incredible all the people around you are. What helped for me (though I'm not sure how realistic I currently am - but surely more than before) is not to realise how amazing the people around me are, but how ordinary the people I look up to are - specifically, not locally. For example, I'd like to be a good programmer. There are a few "big names" online that people listen to; that I listen to. At a certain point, you realise they too make mistakes, they too don't know things that you do, and they have sacrificed some things to get where they are that I am simply not willing to sacrifice - but if I were, I might make it to the same place. But I'm not, and that's fine - now I know what I get back for not being where they are.

edna314 8y ago

Improvement is always a matter of judgement. Of course, if you are super humble everything will seem like an improvement. But isn’t that kind of cheating ?