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I have 2 kids under 2. The first one was a shock in terms of the amount of work and sleep deprivation involved. The second wasn't as much of a shock just becaus
by ericb 16y ago
I have 2 kids under 2. The first one was a shock in terms of the amount of work and sleep deprivation involved. The second wasn't as much of a shock just because we new what to expect. I'm not going to sugar coat this--it more or less destroyed my productivity for quite a while (1st 9 months per child) and this is because of lost sleep, mostly. My children are not great sleepers. Also, my first child had some medical issues that we had to deal with that tied us up at first. I don't see my friends as much, and they are still in the single life which puts some distance between us.
The effect that having this amount, and type, of love in my life was not something I could have understood before I did it. It is truly wonderful, and awesome. As someone who sometimes found the love and loyalty of friends to be less than I would hope, having kids who love me this much is stunning.
Granted, not every dad is as attached as I am, or as involved, so ymmv. Having kids is one of those decisions that I think is hard to make in the sense of, you really don't know how you'll feel when you do it, and your imagination of what it is like is not representative of how you really feel once you have them.
- igravious 16y agoAs the father of a daughter of six-years-old, I know where you are coming from. The sleep deprivation, the feeling for the first time in your life that you would gladly give up your own life if it meant saving (God forgive me for saying it) the life of your child. Even though I've read The Selfish Gene by Dawkins and I know it is all biological evolutionary programming the feelings that are triggered after the birth of your kid are very difficult to put into words. It also made me realise why my parents made some of the choices they made in their lives. And parenthetically - not saying I agree with them but I didn't have the requisite empathy back then and having a kid gave that to me I think.
- Vivtek 16y agoYeah. Both of our kids had (still have) uncurable diseases. (One kidney, one Crohn's.) For five years we did nothing but health maintenance - and by God we succeeded in restoring their health. But you just don't have the option of saying, "No, this is too hard, I'm quitting now." Because by doing that, you're dooming your child - a person who depends on you completely. This meant that my wife, for example, took five years out of her career after getting her PhD in theoretical physics. She's just now getting reestablished, and that isn't an insignificant part of one's life. But ... you have no choice. So you man up and do it. Along the way, you think back to the older people you've known in your life - your parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts - and you suddenly realize why they were the way they were.
- jasonlotito 16y agoIt's not just the sleep. It's the attention. If your home, you have to give them attention. I won't go into all my details, but in a general way, the first kid, it's easier to find the extra time to work on projects. However, having the second really impacts that. Work all day, come home, dinner, and you have to spend time with the kids. Oh, I love that. But it's not until after 9 that you get a chance to sit down with the kids asleep. But even then, you have other things you have to do, day to day things. Regardless of the time I spend away from doing anything on the computer, I'm working on my best projects every at home. God, those two... something is in my eye.