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Having a baby changes everything. And it's weird how you can't even imagine it ahead of time. To answer some of your questions: - Your ability to produce will

by arn 16y ago

Having a baby changes everything. And it's weird how you can't even imagine it ahead of time. To answer some of your questions: - Your ability to produce will go down drastically - Your priorities will change. - You will be more tired, and your time will be at a premium. I think the time issue is the main one. Especially for those reading this. I feel like a lot of hackers like sitting down for hours during your free time to do stuff - personal projects, items of interest, startups. Your free time really disappears with children (at least at early ages). Not to say it's not rewarding in itself. It's just that it's like being in a cult. You can't understand until you're in it, and you can't imagine things any other way.

michael_dorfman 16y ago
It's just that it's like being in a cult. You can't understand until you're in it, and you can't imagine things any other way. This. I've got four daughters, ranging in age from 3 to 13, and even though the "baby years" are behind me (until the grandchildren come, presumably) things are still not "the other way"-- if I can even remember what that was like.
- Vivtek 16y ago
  Oh, goody. You have the teen years ahead of you then. Talk about sheer terror - they're busy learning to be separate adults and they will fail. Ugh. My daughter (16) is the most mature, cautious person I have ever known in my life, and it's still terrifying.
Yaggo 16y ago
So true. Before my kid was born (now 1½ years old), I optimistically thought I'll be able to work at home while baby caring, which turned out to be very naïve idea. It may work with a newborn, but definitely doesn't with a toddler.
- Tyrannosaurs 16y ago
  In the UK if you apply to your company to work from home it will certainly be dependent on you having separate childcare arrangements. You're absolutely right though. My daughter is 16 months old. On a day when I'm looking after her on my own I might get one 45 - 90 minute chunk during the day where I could do something approximating to work (when she sleeps - though you've probably got clearing up, catching your breath and other things in there depending on the mood they've been in). Other than that you might be able to read and reply to the odd e-mail, check the odd thing or make a quick call or two (so long as you're happy with the possibility of a child shouting in the background) but nothing that could be classified as productive - certainly don't even think about coding being something that might happen. That all runs from 7am to 7pm. Once they've gone to bed you have to eat, clear up and get ready for the next day before you start thinking about what you want to do. On a good day where they're behaving you can clear up as you go and you're set by 7.30pm, have eaten by 8pm and you're good to go. On a bad day you've eaten by 9pm and you're dead on your feet. Looking after young kids is full time and I will never question what stay at home mothers do with their day again. Still wouldn't change it though - I miss having time to do the things I used to do but I'd miss her far more.
arn 16y ago
seems relevant to this topic is this blog post about having a special needs child, in relationship to happiness and children: http://jenniferlawler.com/wordpress/?p=747 http://jenniferlawler.com/wordpress/?p=747 Was highly voted up in HN http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1539833 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1539833
- camiller 16y ago
  Wow, I must have missed this the first time around. And while I haven't had exactly the same experiences (all the surgeries) My son(now 9) with Down Syndrome (and hearing aids for both ears since 18mo, and Asthma, and braces for both ankles, and thyroid dysfunction, and dairy allergies) had his own set of issues and I really relate to that post. He wasn't walking on his own till age 5, still potty training, daily meds for the thyroid/asthma, trying to get him to keep the hearing aids in, etc. On top of that my wife has had five back surgeries and really shouldn't lift him. I still wouldn't trade the experience, I think I am a better person for it.
zeraholladay 16y ago
I couldn't have said it better. Priorities do change. In my experience they become more focused out of necessity. Basically, I think you're forced to pick what's important. That's usually the baby and only one other thing: reading a book, programming, working, etc. I'm only talking about from the father's perspective. The child tends to engage the mother more for his/her needs. So women tend to have less flexibility since the child demands more from them. For example, after 1.5 years my wife is just starting to get enough free time to pick up her hobbies again.

by arn 16y ago

michael_dorfman 16y ago

It's just that it's like being in a cult. You can't understand until you're in it, and you can't imagine things any other way. This. I've got four daughters, ranging in age from 3 to 13, and even though the "baby years" are behind me (until the grandchildren come, presumably) things are still not "the other way"-- if I can even remember what that was like.

Vivtek 16y ago
Oh, goody. You have the teen years ahead of you then. Talk about sheer terror - they're busy learning to be separate adults and they will fail. Ugh. My daughter (16) is the most mature, cautious person I have ever known in my life, and it's still terrifying.

Yaggo 16y ago

So true. Before my kid was born (now 1½ years old), I optimistically thought I'll be able to work at home while baby caring, which turned out to be very naïve idea. It may work with a newborn, but definitely doesn't with a toddler.

Tyrannosaurs 16y ago
In the UK if you apply to your company to work from home it will certainly be dependent on you having separate childcare arrangements. You're absolutely right though. My daughter is 16 months old. On a day when I'm looking after her on my own I might get one 45 - 90 minute chunk during the day where I could do something approximating to work (when she sleeps - though you've probably got clearing up, catching your breath and other things in there depending on the mood they've been in). Other than that you might be able to read and reply to the odd e-mail, check the odd thing or make a quick call or two (so long as you're happy with the possibility of a child shouting in the background) but nothing that could be classified as productive - certainly don't even think about coding being something that might happen. That all runs from 7am to 7pm. Once they've gone to bed you have to eat, clear up and get ready for the next day before you start thinking about what you want to do. On a good day where they're behaving you can clear up as you go and you're set by 7.30pm, have eaten by 8pm and you're good to go. On a bad day you've eaten by 9pm and you're dead on your feet. Looking after young kids is full time and I will never question what stay at home mothers do with their day again. Still wouldn't change it though - I miss having time to do the things I used to do but I'd miss her far more.

arn 16y ago

seems relevant to this topic is this blog post about having a special needs child, in relationship to happiness and children: http://jenniferlawler.com/wordpress/?p=747 http://jenniferlawler.com/wordpress/?p=747 Was highly voted up in HN http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1539833 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1539833

camiller 16y ago
Wow, I must have missed this the first time around. And while I haven't had exactly the same experiences (all the surgeries) My son(now 9) with Down Syndrome (and hearing aids for both ears since 18mo, and Asthma, and braces for both ankles, and thyroid dysfunction, and dairy allergies) had his own set of issues and I really relate to that post. He wasn't walking on his own till age 5, still potty training, daily meds for the thyroid/asthma, trying to get him to keep the hearing aids in, etc. On top of that my wife has had five back surgeries and really shouldn't lift him. I still wouldn't trade the experience, I think I am a better person for it.

zeraholladay 16y ago

I couldn't have said it better. Priorities do change. In my experience they become more focused out of necessity. Basically, I think you're forced to pick what's important. That's usually the baby and only one other thing: reading a book, programming, working, etc. I'm only talking about from the father's perspective. The child tends to engage the mother more for his/her needs. So women tend to have less flexibility since the child demands more from them. For example, after 1.5 years my wife is just starting to get enough free time to pick up her hobbies again.