First let me congratulate you for being so honest with yourself (and us). This sounds very much like an addiction (coming). In such cases (obsessive behavior),

First let me congratulate you for being so honest with yourself (and us). This sounds very much like an addiction (coming). In such cases (obsessive behavior), there is usually no way other, than seeking for a psycho therapist, because the obsessive behavior, usually, develops in order to cover something else. A therapist has much experience with such topics and knows how to lead you to that point and through it. And then it's all work. Difficult, but very rewarding, since you realize, how much you respect and appreciate yourself for dealing with these things.