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Beware the generation who are raised by phone addicts. Attachment and rearing requires active involvement — even from a distance. When your toddler looks back

Beware the generation who are raised by phone addicts. Attachment and rearing requires active involvement — even from a distance. When your toddler looks back at you to check that they're okay, to see if they're still safe, you'd better meet their gaze. Look up from your phones and watch, else your toddler will stop looking back. I'm a medical student on psychiatry rotation, and this stuff scares me big time.

TaupeRanger 8y ago
This is nonsense. Our ancestors only survived because they could be doing all kinds of stuff (you know, stuff that was necessary to survive) while the kids were playing around and keeping themselves busy. Children are more capable than we give them credit for. It's about making your interactions meaningful when you have them, not staring at them all the time. This is the kind of mindset that makes children grow up to be anxiety-ridden young adults. The studies show that emotional trauma (i.e. NOT "dad was looking at his phone when I bumped my head and wasn't staring directly at me", but actual trauma) causes problems in adolescence and adulthood. But most parenting within the normal range just does not matter. At all. Take a look at The Nurture Assumption, or read a primer: https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/03/parenting-doesnt-matter-that-muchas-long-as-you-dont-do-anything-super-weird.html https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/03/parenting-doesnt-ma...
- thomasfedb 8y ago
  I'm talking about toddlers, who definitely do need and seek reassurance as they explore the boundaries of their expanding world. As kids develop they need less and more distant supervision, but it is still important. Childhood neglect is demonstrably associated with borderline personality disorder, for example. Interaction is good for children, and it's not the same as helicoptering. It's far better for a kid to talk to their parent than for the kid to play Angry Birds on the iPad while their parent sits on Facebook. I'm not suggesting a bit of parental phone time is going to mess your kids up for life, but I won't be surprised if the era of personal screens for everybody produces some fun personality traits now and then.
athenot 8y ago
I'm very aware of that. I noticed that my own attention can get sucked into my phone deeper than when I'm doing any other household task, which usually will have me meeting their gaze on a regular basis. And my toddlers can pick up on that so I try to not be looking at my phone when they are around but I'm not yet good at that.

TaupeRanger 8y ago

This is nonsense. Our ancestors only survived because they could be doing all kinds of stuff (you know, stuff that was necessary to survive) while the kids were playing around and keeping themselves busy. Children are more capable than we give them credit for. It's about making your interactions meaningful when you have them, not staring at them all the time. This is the kind of mindset that makes children grow up to be anxiety-ridden young adults. The studies show that emotional trauma (i.e. NOT "dad was looking at his phone when I bumped my head and wasn't staring directly at me", but actual trauma) causes problems in adolescence and adulthood. But most parenting within the normal range just does not matter. At all. Take a look at The Nurture Assumption, or read a primer: https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/03/parenting-doesnt-matter-that-muchas-long-as-you-dont-do-anything-super-weird.html https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/03/parenting-doesnt-ma...

thomasfedb 8y ago
I'm talking about toddlers, who definitely do need and seek reassurance as they explore the boundaries of their expanding world. As kids develop they need less and more distant supervision, but it is still important. Childhood neglect is demonstrably associated with borderline personality disorder, for example. Interaction is good for children, and it's not the same as helicoptering. It's far better for a kid to talk to their parent than for the kid to play Angry Birds on the iPad while their parent sits on Facebook. I'm not suggesting a bit of parental phone time is going to mess your kids up for life, but I won't be surprised if the era of personal screens for everybody produces some fun personality traits now and then.

athenot 8y ago

I'm very aware of that. I noticed that my own attention can get sucked into my phone deeper than when I'm doing any other household task, which usually will have me meeting their gaze on a regular basis. And my toddlers can pick up on that so I try to not be looking at my phone when they are around but I'm not yet good at that.