4 ms·

> I'd rather die at 40 You won't think so when you turn 40.

• ryanmercer 8y ago
  I'm 33, I very much came close to death a handful of years ago when my potassium levels were low enough I was paralyzed and my heart was struggling to beat. Quite convinced I was in my final moments with "well shit, this is how it ends" running in a loop in my mind as I shouted for help, as I was manhandled onto a stretcher, as I was terrified in an ambulance as it took turns and I had no ability to brace myself, as I was manhandled onto an ER bed, as I lay in the ER bed unable to scratch my nose, unable to sign my name, unable to turn my head to see what the nurses were doing. I was quite certain I was on my way out of this world until I felt the burn of that IV potassium raging through my veins. I have zero desire to ever be old and decrepit, to lose any worthwhile ability to care/provide for myself, to ever begin to lose my memories. ( see: https://www.ryanmercer.com/ryansthoughts/2013/2/19/flashback-to-the-hypokalemic-episode.html https://www.ryanmercer.com/ryansthoughts/2013/2/19/flashback... ) I watched my father's quality of life tank drastically when I was 12 before he died of cancer. I've watched my mother that's now in her mid 60's deteriorate rapidly in just the past decade after getting thyroid dancer, developing semi-rapid bone deterioration, COPD and type II diabetes. My father's father fell off of the first step of a ladder and died a few days later as a result. My mother's father is in his late 80's and has severely been suffering from dementia the past several years. His wife died a few months ago having been on oxygen for over a decade and herself experiencing advanced dementia at the end. I stand by what I said, I'd rather go out at 40 than spend a few, or several, decades miserable.