This flows nicely, but I feel obligated to pick a few nits: Unless you sourced the original Greek, that's technically not a translation -- it's an interpretati

This flows nicely, but I feel obligated to pick a few nits: Unless you sourced the original Greek, that's technically not a translation -- it's an interpretation of a translation. Every time you rewrite something like this (especially between languages) it's a "lossy" process and diverges further from the content, sentiment and emotions of the original. Secondly, the original clearly made efforts to preserve certain properties of the original, such as its metrical structure. While it's a legitimate topic for debate whether it's worth trying to preserve such things in a translation, that IS something present in the original, present (however poorly) in the translation, and absent from your reinterpretation. Again, not that yours was bad, just pointing out that there are tradeoffs in translation and that "reads better to the modern ear" is often in tension with other advantages.