4 ms·

I can't see a translation like that without attempting to provide a simpler, more contemporary one myself: My heart is not a mirror, it doesn't reflect accurat

I can't see a translation like that without attempting to provide a simpler, more contemporary one myself: My heart is not a mirror, it doesn't reflect accurately. Even though I have brothers, I can't rely on them. If I tell them my opinion, I will meet with their rage. My heart is not a stone, it cannot be turned. My heart is not a mat, it can't be rolled up. My character is excellent, there's nothing to nitpick. My grieving heart is anxious, I am hated by the crowd of fools. I meet with many tragedies, and receive many insults. Silently, I think about my situation, startled awake I beat my breast. The sun and the moon, why have you grown small? The sorrow in my heart, like dirty laundry. Silently, I think about my situation. But there's no way to fly away.

lukev 8y ago
This flows nicely, but I feel obligated to pick a few nits: Unless you sourced the original Greek, that's technically not a translation -- it's an interpretation of a translation. Every time you rewrite something like this (especially between languages) it's a "lossy" process and diverges further from the content, sentiment and emotions of the original. Secondly, the original clearly made efforts to preserve certain properties of the original, such as its metrical structure. While it's a legitimate topic for debate whether it's worth trying to preserve such things in a translation, that IS something present in the original, present (however poorly) in the translation, and absent from your reinterpretation. Again, not that yours was bad, just pointing out that there are tradeoffs in translation and that "reads better to the modern ear" is often in tension with other advantages.