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Nobody really has a right to tell parents how to parent. Parenting is hard. Personally, I don’t let mine near YouTube unless we’re looking something up togethe

by aidos 8y ago

Nobody really has a right to tell parents how to parent. Parenting is hard. Personally, I don’t let mine near YouTube unless we’re looking something up together. They’re allowed kids Netflix but even that has plenty of content I don’t let them watch. Annoyingly, there’s no way to remove a show from Netflix. I’ve been meaning to make a chrome extension so I can blast the likes of Horseland into another dimension.

wincy 8y ago
Yeah except that in everything else people take advice but you say boo about someone’s parenting and you might as well have suggested they’re literally abusing their parents. There are plenty of things that are known to be suboptimal. The American Association of Pediatrics recommends no screen time under 18 months except for video chatting, and only 1 hour a day for children 2-5 [0] Most of us are engineers here, but as soon as parenting comes up people become so superstitious and irrational. [0] https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/Pages/American-Academy-of-Pediatrics-Announces-New-Recommendations-for-Childrens-Media-Use.aspx https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/Pages...
- ddingus 8y ago
  That could be for the simple fact that all it takes is a couple of concern people to make phone calls, and not only are you a bad parent, but you're in the system and have to do a bunch of remedial work. It's not hard, happens every day. I have a fair amount of experience with this system. Not due to those phone calls but due to other things I did, foster care being one.
  - ddingus 8y ago
    I missed edit window. Let me say just a bit more: I cared for kids, who got placed with us. Some of those people earned that. Not good. Obvious. On those, my wife and I did a good public service. It is hard. But, I saw many cases where a disgruntled person ruined families too. Those kids should never have been with us at all. Yet they were, and worse, we had to hold a terrible line or it gets worse for the kids and potentially us! A few samples: Baby sitter feels she can do better, phones the father in. Boom. He spends 6 months being psych evaluated, his wife does not know what to think, and part of his struggle is having his johnson in a clamp while being shown suggestive kiddie pictures. That family got past it. We helped once we were free of the system. Labor of love and justice there. They left the State the moment they could. Cannot blame them. Ex wife hated step mom. Similar thing, both parents end up in some program. Never did get right. Just a mess, kids with relatives. Dad loses his mind in the store. Brats got under his skin. Delivered a quick swat, lets go home. Ended up in all sorts of trouble for essentially getting a toddlers attention. Concerned people trump up abuse case. Never did see that one conclude. People lose their kids these days. It does not take much. You should also know all public servants, teachers, many coaches are obligated to report or face charges in many places. The report bar is very, very low. An angry kid can get another kids family in the system. I saw that happen. Having frank conversations about parenting carries grave implications these days. It was once not like this, but it is now. Among a trusted peer group it still happens as it always has. Out in public? Internet? People are crazy to mention specifics. Just don't do it. Ever. I do not have answers. I wish I did given what I saw. I can help share hard won understanding. So I have. Just know the touchy parent convo is systemic, not so much people being snowflakes or something.
    - abalone 8y ago
      Downvoted because this is your personal struggle and trauma, whereas the “bad parenting” discussion was really just about screen time. Just letting you know. But please talk to someone about it if you’re not already.
      - ddingus 8y ago
        I have no struggle. Those events were hard. No doubt. Not the point. It was an answer to the question of why bad parenting discussions often are met with angst. People get questioned on parenting, and suddenly they are in the middle of a mess and they are there because other people said, "bad parent" essentially. Understanding how that can happen is germane. Here is all it would take in many States: Those parents just leave their kids with an iPad, and do not watch their kids. Follow that with just about any scary scenario and it is likely to trigger people at your door asking questions. What I did here was share a little from the other side of some of those events gone bad. None of those should have happened. They all were rooted in literally, "bad parent" allegations created out of thin air with basis as thin as "screen time." Parents here should be aware of what can happen. Comments to the effect of, "WTF is it with parenting discussions?" These potential events are part of WTF. Frankly, I only shared difficulty to underscore complete disapproval, and I should have shared we quit due to how out of control and abused it can be, and is regularly. Some if those families were of non trivial means too. "It won't happen to me." Know I have seen otherwise, and that is all.
      - ddingus 8y ago
        By the way, I really appreciate you giving the reason for the downvote. Kudos! I rarely downvote myself, preferring to promote signal out of the noise instead. But that's just my preference. What I appreciate is knowing why, that's some understanding right there. I can use it, it's got value. I wish more of us would understand that.
rorykoehler 8y ago
Parenting is hard. Not giving your child an iPad or Youtube is not.

by aidos 8y ago

wincy 8y ago

Yeah except that in everything else people take advice but you say boo about someone’s parenting and you might as well have suggested they’re literally abusing their parents. There are plenty of things that are known to be suboptimal. The American Association of Pediatrics recommends no screen time under 18 months except for video chatting, and only 1 hour a day for children 2-5 [0] Most of us are engineers here, but as soon as parenting comes up people become so superstitious and irrational. [0] https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/Pages/American-Academy-of-Pediatrics-Announces-New-Recommendations-for-Childrens-Media-Use.aspx https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/Pages...

ddingus 8y ago
That could be for the simple fact that all it takes is a couple of concern people to make phone calls, and not only are you a bad parent, but you're in the system and have to do a bunch of remedial work. It's not hard, happens every day. I have a fair amount of experience with this system. Not due to those phone calls but due to other things I did, foster care being one.
- ddingus 8y ago
  I missed edit window. Let me say just a bit more: I cared for kids, who got placed with us. Some of those people earned that. Not good. Obvious. On those, my wife and I did a good public service. It is hard. But, I saw many cases where a disgruntled person ruined families too. Those kids should never have been with us at all. Yet they were, and worse, we had to hold a terrible line or it gets worse for the kids and potentially us! A few samples: Baby sitter feels she can do better, phones the father in. Boom. He spends 6 months being psych evaluated, his wife does not know what to think, and part of his struggle is having his johnson in a clamp while being shown suggestive kiddie pictures. That family got past it. We helped once we were free of the system. Labor of love and justice there. They left the State the moment they could. Cannot blame them. Ex wife hated step mom. Similar thing, both parents end up in some program. Never did get right. Just a mess, kids with relatives. Dad loses his mind in the store. Brats got under his skin. Delivered a quick swat, lets go home. Ended up in all sorts of trouble for essentially getting a toddlers attention. Concerned people trump up abuse case. Never did see that one conclude. People lose their kids these days. It does not take much. You should also know all public servants, teachers, many coaches are obligated to report or face charges in many places. The report bar is very, very low. An angry kid can get another kids family in the system. I saw that happen. Having frank conversations about parenting carries grave implications these days. It was once not like this, but it is now. Among a trusted peer group it still happens as it always has. Out in public? Internet? People are crazy to mention specifics. Just don't do it. Ever. I do not have answers. I wish I did given what I saw. I can help share hard won understanding. So I have. Just know the touchy parent convo is systemic, not so much people being snowflakes or something.
  - abalone 8y ago
    Downvoted because this is your personal struggle and trauma, whereas the “bad parenting” discussion was really just about screen time. Just letting you know. But please talk to someone about it if you’re not already.
    - ddingus 8y ago
      I have no struggle. Those events were hard. No doubt. Not the point. It was an answer to the question of why bad parenting discussions often are met with angst. People get questioned on parenting, and suddenly they are in the middle of a mess and they are there because other people said, "bad parent" essentially. Understanding how that can happen is germane. Here is all it would take in many States: Those parents just leave their kids with an iPad, and do not watch their kids. Follow that with just about any scary scenario and it is likely to trigger people at your door asking questions. What I did here was share a little from the other side of some of those events gone bad. None of those should have happened. They all were rooted in literally, "bad parent" allegations created out of thin air with basis as thin as "screen time." Parents here should be aware of what can happen. Comments to the effect of, "WTF is it with parenting discussions?" These potential events are part of WTF. Frankly, I only shared difficulty to underscore complete disapproval, and I should have shared we quit due to how out of control and abused it can be, and is regularly. Some if those families were of non trivial means too. "It won't happen to me." Know I have seen otherwise, and that is all.
    - ddingus 8y ago
      By the way, I really appreciate you giving the reason for the downvote. Kudos! I rarely downvote myself, preferring to promote signal out of the noise instead. But that's just my preference. What I appreciate is knowing why, that's some understanding right there. I can use it, it's got value. I wish more of us would understand that.

rorykoehler 8y ago

Parenting is hard. Not giving your child an iPad or Youtube is not.