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I know, I'm a shitty parent, and I'm solely responsible for my kids being exposed to shitty things in the world. I should throw out their iPads and read books t

I know, I'm a shitty parent, and I'm solely responsible for my kids being exposed to shitty things in the world. I should throw out their iPads and read books to them constantly (more than the 20m/day I do every single day after 2h dinner & bedtime process) as well as have a large assortment of crafts and novel activities for them to engage in every morning while I do stuff like bathe and eat. Sorry for being shitty.

Pharmakon 8y ago
In general no, but when it comes to plonking them down in front of a screen and turning on YouTube, that’s very much your choice. I don’t think that makes you a shitty parent either, but I think you’re misplacing your trust and it has a good chance of coming back to haunt you.
- sjg007 8y ago
  I dunno. My kids like to take YouTube things and bring them into the real world in imaginative play. You have to block peppa pig Spider-Man dentist but it’s not specifically bad. My kids are great at iPads fyi and there are a lot of educational apps. The only downside is my kids want to make YouTube videos now. Which when I was a kid my cousins put on plays and my friends and I made home made videos too.
  - abalone 8y ago
    Yeah, my oldest is actually brilliant and has learned many advanced things from YT educational videos way ahead of the curve. It's a powerful tool for self-directed education.. and also for junky toddler crack. The problem is these content farms and ultimately the low payouts. Listen up YouTube: I would happily pay for better quality kids content. I'm about to trial Amazon FreeTime...
sjg007 8y ago
It’s ok, I’m a YouTube dad too.. I’ve tried to lock it down as much as possible. We mostly watch Ryan and ninja kids now.
aidos 8y ago
Nobody really has a right to tell parents how to parent. Parenting is hard. Personally, I don’t let mine near YouTube unless we’re looking something up together. They’re allowed kids Netflix but even that has plenty of content I don’t let them watch. Annoyingly, there’s no way to remove a show from Netflix. I’ve been meaning to make a chrome extension so I can blast the likes of Horseland into another dimension.
- wincy 8y ago
  Yeah except that in everything else people take advice but you say boo about someone’s parenting and you might as well have suggested they’re literally abusing their parents. There are plenty of things that are known to be suboptimal. The American Association of Pediatrics recommends no screen time under 18 months except for video chatting, and only 1 hour a day for children 2-5 [0] Most of us are engineers here, but as soon as parenting comes up people become so superstitious and irrational. [0] https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/Pages/American-Academy-of-Pediatrics-Announces-New-Recommendations-for-Childrens-Media-Use.aspx https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/Pages...
  - ddingus 8y ago
    That could be for the simple fact that all it takes is a couple of concern people to make phone calls, and not only are you a bad parent, but you're in the system and have to do a bunch of remedial work. It's not hard, happens every day. I have a fair amount of experience with this system. Not due to those phone calls but due to other things I did, foster care being one.
    - ddingus 8y ago
      I missed edit window. Let me say just a bit more: I cared for kids, who got placed with us. Some of those people earned that. Not good. Obvious. On those, my wife and I did a good public service. It is hard. But, I saw many cases where a disgruntled person ruined families too. Those kids should never have been with us at all. Yet they were, and worse, we had to hold a terrible line or it gets worse for the kids and potentially us! A few samples: Baby sitter feels she can do better, phones the father in. Boom. He spends 6 months being psych evaluated, his wife does not know what to think, and part of his struggle is having his johnson in a clamp while being shown suggestive kiddie pictures. That family got past it. We helped once we were free of the system. Labor of love and justice there. They left the State the moment they could. Cannot blame them. Ex wife hated step mom. Similar thing, both parents end up in some program. Never did get right. Just a mess, kids with relatives. Dad loses his mind in the store. Brats got under his skin. Delivered a quick swat, lets go home. Ended up in all sorts of trouble for essentially getting a toddlers attention. Concerned people trump up abuse case. Never did see that one conclude. People lose their kids these days. It does not take much. You should also know all public servants, teachers, many coaches are obligated to report or face charges in many places. The report bar is very, very low. An angry kid can get another kids family in the system. I saw that happen. Having frank conversations about parenting carries grave implications these days. It was once not like this, but it is now. Among a trusted peer group it still happens as it always has. Out in public? Internet? People are crazy to mention specifics. Just don't do it. Ever. I do not have answers. I wish I did given what I saw. I can help share hard won understanding. So I have. Just know the touchy parent convo is systemic, not so much people being snowflakes or something.
akiselev 8y ago
Don't mind him/her. Distracting a single-digit-aged human long enough to put dinner on the table or get some work done is hard on the best of days. I don't have kids so I'm curious, why youtube? I assume most families don't have the time for a full time parental distraction but is there really no other alternative? I'd imagine Disney or some other media giant would have figured something out by now. Is youtube content just so practically endless and passive enough that no one can compete? Or is it just that they don't like gaming or TV shows that much (or you dont allow it)?
- wincy 8y ago
  Kids will adjust to whatever their circumstances are though. If you just pull all media, kids will complain for a few days, but eventually just get used to it and play with their real toys. Hell, kids don’t even really need toys to have a good time, take those away and they’ll go dig in the dirt, jump off couches, and make pillow forts. It’s not hard to “distract toddlers”, my daughter is three and LOVES to help cook. She fries eggs pretty well and I figure the worst that’ll happen is she’ll burn herself (which she hasn’t). Given the right opportunities and structure children can actually be much more helpful than we give them credit for, especially in the USA we’re just sort of taught that children are useless ingrates that are wholly incapable of the most rudimentary tasks (I mean I was certainly treated that way). It’s a self fulfilling prophecy, the more constantly stimulated the kid is, the more difficult it is for them to pay attention when it’s important.
  - sjg007 8y ago
    >It’s a self fulfilling prophecy, the more constantly stimulated the kid is, the more difficult it is for them to pay attention when it’s important. I think this is true for all humans in general. I actually think it is worse for teenagers who have more unsupervised time and don't know any better. -- FYI.. there was a program on about kids in Costa Rica or maybe Honduras where they all had chores. Even the 3 year olds. I thought it was interesting as the kids themselves were very well behaved.
    - wincy 8y ago
curioussavage 8y ago
If you really are worried the pbs kids videos app is great. We have two under three so I understand the exhausting routine
- dfee 8y ago
  For me it’s the only acceptable content.
rorykoehler 8y ago
My kid doesn't and will never have iPads until he is able to buy it for himself. Kids adjust and find ways to entertain themselves. It's an important skill they should be developing. You'd be doing them a service to just give them some inanimate toys to play with and leaving them to self-explore.
borghives 8y ago
Don't worry. Everyone have this idealization of what type of parent they will be until they actually have kids. There are no rule book to say what good parent looks like.
franciscrick1 8y ago
Why do they even have iPads? At least with a $100-200 laptop/chromebook they can learn things and build typing skills. Tablets are literally impossible (even for adults) to be productive on.
- Alterlife 8y ago
  Not OP, but from my experience my son until a certain age: He would be very rough with my laptop, even pulling out keys and trying to throw it but be very careful with ipad. I'm not sure why.
  - franciscrick1 8y ago
    He obviously likes the iPad more than the laptop. As a kid, I would tear the keys out of mechanical keyboards all the time out of curiosity and boredom, but that didn't break them.
- abalone 8y ago
  This is a very weird response. iPads are breakthrough child computers. They can use them prior to typing, reading or even fully speaking. And you said it is “literally” impossible for adults to be productive — like, not just slightly challenging. There are approx 80M iPad users. It is literally impossible to take you seriously.
  - franciscrick1 8y ago
    > They can use them prior to typing, reading or even fully speaking. Are you trying to say that this is a good thing? Do we expect our children to be able, say, to speak English?
    - abalone 8y ago
      This is even weirder and outright nonsensical. Observing the fact that a child can use an iPad at age 2-3 does not imply anything about expectations for their speech development.
abootstrapper 8y ago
I’m a broken record on this post, but have you tried the PBS Kids video or games app?
shard972 8y ago
Give them legos? What did you think kids did before youtube?
- abalone 8y ago
  I dunno... watch TV? They have legos btw.
ConceptJunkie 8y ago
Sounds to me like you're doing fine. Usually the people most critical of how others raise kids have no kids themselves (and/or are idiots), and therefore have no idea of the constant trade-offs you must make to keep them safe, fed, clothed, entertained, educated and also keep yourself sane.

Pharmakon 8y ago

In general no, but when it comes to plonking them down in front of a screen and turning on YouTube, that’s very much your choice. I don’t think that makes you a shitty parent either, but I think you’re misplacing your trust and it has a good chance of coming back to haunt you.

sjg007 8y ago
I dunno. My kids like to take YouTube things and bring them into the real world in imaginative play. You have to block peppa pig Spider-Man dentist but it’s not specifically bad. My kids are great at iPads fyi and there are a lot of educational apps. The only downside is my kids want to make YouTube videos now. Which when I was a kid my cousins put on plays and my friends and I made home made videos too.
- abalone 8y ago
  Yeah, my oldest is actually brilliant and has learned many advanced things from YT educational videos way ahead of the curve. It's a powerful tool for self-directed education.. and also for junky toddler crack. The problem is these content farms and ultimately the low payouts. Listen up YouTube: I would happily pay for better quality kids content. I'm about to trial Amazon FreeTime...

sjg007 8y ago

It’s ok, I’m a YouTube dad too.. I’ve tried to lock it down as much as possible. We mostly watch Ryan and ninja kids now.

aidos 8y ago

Nobody really has a right to tell parents how to parent. Parenting is hard. Personally, I don’t let mine near YouTube unless we’re looking something up together. They’re allowed kids Netflix but even that has plenty of content I don’t let them watch. Annoyingly, there’s no way to remove a show from Netflix. I’ve been meaning to make a chrome extension so I can blast the likes of Horseland into another dimension.

wincy 8y ago
Yeah except that in everything else people take advice but you say boo about someone’s parenting and you might as well have suggested they’re literally abusing their parents. There are plenty of things that are known to be suboptimal. The American Association of Pediatrics recommends no screen time under 18 months except for video chatting, and only 1 hour a day for children 2-5 [0] Most of us are engineers here, but as soon as parenting comes up people become so superstitious and irrational. [0] https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/Pages/American-Academy-of-Pediatrics-Announces-New-Recommendations-for-Childrens-Media-Use.aspx https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/Pages...
- ddingus 8y ago
  That could be for the simple fact that all it takes is a couple of concern people to make phone calls, and not only are you a bad parent, but you're in the system and have to do a bunch of remedial work. It's not hard, happens every day. I have a fair amount of experience with this system. Not due to those phone calls but due to other things I did, foster care being one.
  - ddingus 8y ago
    I missed edit window. Let me say just a bit more: I cared for kids, who got placed with us. Some of those people earned that. Not good. Obvious. On those, my wife and I did a good public service. It is hard. But, I saw many cases where a disgruntled person ruined families too. Those kids should never have been with us at all. Yet they were, and worse, we had to hold a terrible line or it gets worse for the kids and potentially us! A few samples: Baby sitter feels she can do better, phones the father in. Boom. He spends 6 months being psych evaluated, his wife does not know what to think, and part of his struggle is having his johnson in a clamp while being shown suggestive kiddie pictures. That family got past it. We helped once we were free of the system. Labor of love and justice there. They left the State the moment they could. Cannot blame them. Ex wife hated step mom. Similar thing, both parents end up in some program. Never did get right. Just a mess, kids with relatives. Dad loses his mind in the store. Brats got under his skin. Delivered a quick swat, lets go home. Ended up in all sorts of trouble for essentially getting a toddlers attention. Concerned people trump up abuse case. Never did see that one conclude. People lose their kids these days. It does not take much. You should also know all public servants, teachers, many coaches are obligated to report or face charges in many places. The report bar is very, very low. An angry kid can get another kids family in the system. I saw that happen. Having frank conversations about parenting carries grave implications these days. It was once not like this, but it is now. Among a trusted peer group it still happens as it always has. Out in public? Internet? People are crazy to mention specifics. Just don't do it. Ever. I do not have answers. I wish I did given what I saw. I can help share hard won understanding. So I have. Just know the touchy parent convo is systemic, not so much people being snowflakes or something.

akiselev 8y ago

Don't mind him/her. Distracting a single-digit-aged human long enough to put dinner on the table or get some work done is hard on the best of days. I don't have kids so I'm curious, why youtube? I assume most families don't have the time for a full time parental distraction but is there really no other alternative? I'd imagine Disney or some other media giant would have figured something out by now. Is youtube content just so practically endless and passive enough that no one can compete? Or is it just that they don't like gaming or TV shows that much (or you dont allow it)?

wincy 8y ago
Kids will adjust to whatever their circumstances are though. If you just pull all media, kids will complain for a few days, but eventually just get used to it and play with their real toys. Hell, kids don’t even really need toys to have a good time, take those away and they’ll go dig in the dirt, jump off couches, and make pillow forts. It’s not hard to “distract toddlers”, my daughter is three and LOVES to help cook. She fries eggs pretty well and I figure the worst that’ll happen is she’ll burn herself (which she hasn’t). Given the right opportunities and structure children can actually be much more helpful than we give them credit for, especially in the USA we’re just sort of taught that children are useless ingrates that are wholly incapable of the most rudimentary tasks (I mean I was certainly treated that way). It’s a self fulfilling prophecy, the more constantly stimulated the kid is, the more difficult it is for them to pay attention when it’s important.
- sjg007 8y ago
  >It’s a self fulfilling prophecy, the more constantly stimulated the kid is, the more difficult it is for them to pay attention when it’s important. I think this is true for all humans in general. I actually think it is worse for teenagers who have more unsupervised time and don't know any better. -- FYI.. there was a program on about kids in Costa Rica or maybe Honduras where they all had chores. Even the 3 year olds. I thought it was interesting as the kids themselves were very well behaved.
  - wincy 8y ago

curioussavage 8y ago

If you really are worried the pbs kids videos app is great. We have two under three so I understand the exhausting routine

dfee 8y ago
For me it’s the only acceptable content.

rorykoehler 8y ago

My kid doesn't and will never have iPads until he is able to buy it for himself. Kids adjust and find ways to entertain themselves. It's an important skill they should be developing. You'd be doing them a service to just give them some inanimate toys to play with and leaving them to self-explore.

borghives 8y ago

Don't worry. Everyone have this idealization of what type of parent they will be until they actually have kids. There are no rule book to say what good parent looks like.

franciscrick1 8y ago

Why do they even have iPads? At least with a $100-200 laptop/chromebook they can learn things and build typing skills. Tablets are literally impossible (even for adults) to be productive on.

Alterlife 8y ago
Not OP, but from my experience my son until a certain age: He would be very rough with my laptop, even pulling out keys and trying to throw it but be very careful with ipad. I'm not sure why.
- franciscrick1 8y ago
  He obviously likes the iPad more than the laptop. As a kid, I would tear the keys out of mechanical keyboards all the time out of curiosity and boredom, but that didn't break them.
abalone 8y ago
This is a very weird response. iPads are breakthrough child computers. They can use them prior to typing, reading or even fully speaking. And you said it is “literally” impossible for adults to be productive — like, not just slightly challenging. There are approx 80M iPad users. It is literally impossible to take you seriously.
- franciscrick1 8y ago
  > They can use them prior to typing, reading or even fully speaking. Are you trying to say that this is a good thing? Do we expect our children to be able, say, to speak English?
  - abalone 8y ago
    This is even weirder and outright nonsensical. Observing the fact that a child can use an iPad at age 2-3 does not imply anything about expectations for their speech development.

abootstrapper 8y ago

I’m a broken record on this post, but have you tried the PBS Kids video or games app?

shard972 8y ago

Give them legos? What did you think kids did before youtube?

abalone 8y ago
I dunno... watch TV? They have legos btw.

ConceptJunkie 8y ago

Sounds to me like you're doing fine. Usually the people most critical of how others raise kids have no kids themselves (and/or are idiots), and therefore have no idea of the constant trade-offs you must make to keep them safe, fed, clothed, entertained, educated and also keep yourself sane.