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> [...]I’ve forgiven her[...] So you were sexually assaulted by a female? Am I missing something?

by danaos 8y ago

Drdrdrq 8y ago
Not sure why you're being downvoted, as assaults by females are probably much less common (but not any better). In any case, "her" might also be a gender-neutral form of "him", if I'm not mistaken.
- leetcrew 8y ago
  I don't think I've ever seen "her" used as a gender-neutral pronoun outside of abstract examples in philosophy papers. GP almost certainly meant to say they were assaulted by a woman. I'm honestly not sure i believe sexual assaults are way less common against men, although men may not recognize them as often. I've had several women behave towards me in ways that they would definitely call sexual assault if the roles were reversed. as for the down votes, look what GP wrote: > So you were sexually assaulted by a female? Am I missing something? this is an incredibly blunt and rude question to ask a victim of sexual assault. it implies that the very notion of the assault even occurring is so baffling as to require double checking that the poster even meant what they said.
  - Drdrdrq 8y ago
    Thank you for the clarification, I am not a native English speaker as you can probably tell. :) The gender-neutral form I was talking about is the way unknown people are sometimes being referred to: "user should click on the button so she can access the hidden page". I found GGP's comment an expression of surprise, though it does sound a bit blunt - but given the international audience of HN I try not to judge posters too harshly.
    - leetcrew 8y ago
      > I am not a native English speaker as you can probably tell yeah, i figured. i hope my post did not come off too harshly. > "user should click on the button so she can access the hidden page" historically the masculine "he", "man", "mankind" has been used to refer to all people in english, but it's not quite gender-neutral. in the last fifty years or so, some authors have used "she" instead to be more inclusive, but best practice today is to use "they" when gender is not known. just FYI.
      - Drdrdrq 8y ago
        Thanks!
  - unstuckdev 8y ago
    A wave of AMAB people in my circles came out with their own experiences after Terry Crews shared his. I think it's a lot more common, possibly to the point of parity. It's a catch-22: it's assumed half the population can't experience it. They're strong (and will be assumed the agressor if they fight), all men want sex (not necessarily with women, or that woman), etc. There's a whole suite of victim blaming and denialist rhetoric to match what women deal with. So there's no research, education, or advocacy, and the lack of data is used to justify not devoting resources. I've personally been propositioned and harassed in inappropriate ways. Underreporting is a known problem for women, but too few people apply the same logic that leads to that conclusion to other genders.
    - LyndsySimon 8y ago
      If anyone else was wondering "AMAB" seems to mean "Assigned Male At Birth". I had to look it up, and I figure I'm not the only one who didn't recognize the acronym.
      - unstuckdev 8y ago
        Correct. It's a useful term because we have some shared experiences even if we go off in different directions gender-wise.
    - DoreenMichele 8y ago
      Everything I have seen suggests men are much, much less likely to report than women are. It's too stigmatizing for a man to admit to being a victim and there is vastly less support out there for male victims than for female ones.
- einarfd 8y ago
  One of the challenges that men who have been sexual assaulted by women meet. Is that their stories are not believed or rejected, because some people believe that, "women can't do that to men". The parent posters have a tone, that at least to me. Indicate he might agree with that, and I'm fairly sure that is why he is getting the downwotes.
asabjorn 8y ago
Yes, correct. Many of my friends have experienced the same. The genders share the fact that we are flawed human beings.

> [...]I’ve forgiven her[...] So you were sexually assaulted by a female? Am I missing something?

by danaos 8y ago

> [...]I’ve forgiven her[...] So you were sexually assaulted by a female? Am I missing something?

Not sure why you're being downvoted, as assaults by females are probably much less common (but not any better). In any case, "her" might also be a gender-neutral form of "him", if I'm not mistaken.

leetcrew 8y ago
I don't think I've ever seen "her" used as a gender-neutral pronoun outside of abstract examples in philosophy papers. GP almost certainly meant to say they were assaulted by a woman. I'm honestly not sure i believe sexual assaults are way less common against men, although men may not recognize them as often. I've had several women behave towards me in ways that they would definitely call sexual assault if the roles were reversed. as for the down votes, look what GP wrote: > So you were sexually assaulted by a female? Am I missing something? this is an incredibly blunt and rude question to ask a victim of sexual assault. it implies that the very notion of the assault even occurring is so baffling as to require double checking that the poster even meant what they said.
- Drdrdrq 8y ago
  Thank you for the clarification, I am not a native English speaker as you can probably tell. :) The gender-neutral form I was talking about is the way unknown people are sometimes being referred to: "user should click on the button so she can access the hidden page". I found GGP's comment an expression of surprise, though it does sound a bit blunt - but given the international audience of HN I try not to judge posters too harshly.
  - leetcrew 8y ago
    > I am not a native English speaker as you can probably tell yeah, i figured. i hope my post did not come off too harshly. > "user should click on the button so she can access the hidden page" historically the masculine "he", "man", "mankind" has been used to refer to all people in english, but it's not quite gender-neutral. in the last fifty years or so, some authors have used "she" instead to be more inclusive, but best practice today is to use "they" when gender is not known. just FYI.
    - Drdrdrq 8y ago
      Thanks!
- unstuckdev 8y ago
  A wave of AMAB people in my circles came out with their own experiences after Terry Crews shared his. I think it's a lot more common, possibly to the point of parity. It's a catch-22: it's assumed half the population can't experience it. They're strong (and will be assumed the agressor if they fight), all men want sex (not necessarily with women, or that woman), etc. There's a whole suite of victim blaming and denialist rhetoric to match what women deal with. So there's no research, education, or advocacy, and the lack of data is used to justify not devoting resources. I've personally been propositioned and harassed in inappropriate ways. Underreporting is a known problem for women, but too few people apply the same logic that leads to that conclusion to other genders.
  - LyndsySimon 8y ago
    If anyone else was wondering "AMAB" seems to mean "Assigned Male At Birth". I had to look it up, and I figure I'm not the only one who didn't recognize the acronym.
    - unstuckdev 8y ago
      Correct. It's a useful term because we have some shared experiences even if we go off in different directions gender-wise.
  - DoreenMichele 8y ago
    Everything I have seen suggests men are much, much less likely to report than women are. It's too stigmatizing for a man to admit to being a victim and there is vastly less support out there for male victims than for female ones.
einarfd 8y ago
One of the challenges that men who have been sexual assaulted by women meet. Is that their stories are not believed or rejected, because some people believe that, "women can't do that to men". The parent posters have a tone, that at least to me. Indicate he might agree with that, and I'm fairly sure that is why he is getting the downwotes.

asabjorn 8y ago

Yes, correct. Many of my friends have experienced the same. The genders share the fact that we are flawed human beings.