4 ms·

I was bad at names. Until I was reading "How to make friends and influence people" and went to a talk of Daniel Dennet where he talked about "installing Apps in

I was bad at names. Until I was reading "How to make friends and influence people" and went to a talk of Daniel Dennet where he talked about "installing Apps into your brain". Most of "How to make friends..." has come naturally to me since I was a child, except for the names. So I just started, with Marjolein. After the introduction I turned around and repeated to myself "this was Marjolein. Marjolein". After a couple of times it becomes natural. Being able to call out people by name, showing you remembered their names, is very powerful.

bopbop 8y ago
That's kind of awesome. How good with names would you say you are now? Also, is that the whole technique? Seems like you'd have to say it for quite a while to get it in to long term memory - if you're doing it straight after it doesn't seem like it would qualify for spaced repetition. Do you do it again later?
- the-dude 8y ago
  > How good with names would you say you are now? Much much better than average. Some people are surprised I can recall their name months/years later after 1 interaction. > qualify for spaced repetition. Do you do it again later? I think with Marjolein and the subsequent 10 - 20 I did. But it becomes "natural" after a while.
canhascodez 8y ago
I believe studies of note-taking suggest a link between retention and the physical act of writing. My habit is to imitate writing the person's name on my palm several times after an important introduction. In general though, my brain is not optimized for this. I rely in no small way upon having a digital extension to my memory. Usually, not being able to remember months and years of my life is more of a personal concern than not being able to remember names or faces. But, it's not clear that the broader issue is solvable, so I write on my hand, and apologize for the necessity.
- pandler 8y ago
  One of the few things I remember from that one neuroscience class I took in high school was that the more physical senses you involve in something, the more likely you are to remember that thing. I think you’re totally right about writing something down, even if it’s just miming the act of writing. It’s the same effect, I think, where writing down a reminder means I remember it even when I lose the reminder note.
  - dweekly 8y ago
    I also read it was a good idea to use multiple senses, so now I lick people when I meet them and they never forget meeting me.
    - falsedan 8y ago
      That sounds gross/like a health and safety violation, dweekly
    - deleted 8y ago
      [deleted]
    - ddingus 8y ago
      Hey, I chuckled. You just dropped that in here. Nicely done.
  - m-i-l 8y ago
    That's a good tip about making the motions to write the person's name on the palm of your hand. One thing I noticed not that long ago was that if I heard someone's name, e.g. if they spoke it to me, I had little chance of remembering, but if I saw the name written down, e.g. I saw it on a name tag, I actually had a much better chance of remembering. I assumed that is because my memory was more visual. But maybe it is simply because of more senses being involved.
achairapart 8y ago
> So I just started, with Marjolein. After the introduction I turned around and repeated to myself "this was Marjolein. Marjolein". After a couple of times it becomes natural. Or even easier: Try to remember the color of their eyes while listening to their name. Don't know why but works wonders for me. As a bonus, you also make a good first impression thanks to eye contact.
kkielhofner 8y ago
I used to get frustrated at not being able to remember names. After many trials and failures, I stumbled upon a remarkably easy mnemonic (for me). Due to generations, geographies, culture, etc there really aren't that many different names (especially when only pronunciation matters). I eventually found that, when meeting someone, I would immediately think of the name and face of someone I already knew with that name. Even if it was a girl from a class in middle school, the number of previous names or the passing of time doesn't seem to matter. If I can apply the new face to a face and name I already know there's a high likelihood I'll remember the new face/name association forever (just like we can all remember the name of some random kid from second grade, somehow). It's as simple as saying to myself: "This is Shannon, like Shannon from middle school and Shannon from that gym you used to go to." Then the next time I see the "new" person I'll often immediately recall: "Oh, hey! That's Shannon. Like Shannon from middle school and Shannon from that gym you used to go to." It really seems to scale almost infinitely and to this day I can go almost anywhere I've been before and remember the names of people I may have "met" once years ago. If it's a new name the process is slightly more complicated. Many times I'll try to think of a place, town, business, item, pretty much anything and that generally works. I've also found that it happens so rarely simply remarking "WOW, that's actually a new one" is enough to give me a pretty good chance. The reactions are really interesting but I keep doing this and using this method because the results are almost always positive for all parties. In many cases (especially in the service industry) you can see their face and demeanor change instantly when you've demonstrated you made some effort to remember their name. Reminds me of the "What's That Name?" SNL skit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZ7OJdDSXVo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZ7OJdDSXVo

bopbop 8y ago

That's kind of awesome. How good with names would you say you are now? Also, is that the whole technique? Seems like you'd have to say it for quite a while to get it in to long term memory - if you're doing it straight after it doesn't seem like it would qualify for spaced repetition. Do you do it again later?

the-dude 8y ago
> How good with names would you say you are now? Much much better than average. Some people are surprised I can recall their name months/years later after 1 interaction. > qualify for spaced repetition. Do you do it again later? I think with Marjolein and the subsequent 10 - 20 I did. But it becomes "natural" after a while.

canhascodez 8y ago

I believe studies of note-taking suggest a link between retention and the physical act of writing. My habit is to imitate writing the person's name on my palm several times after an important introduction. In general though, my brain is not optimized for this. I rely in no small way upon having a digital extension to my memory. Usually, not being able to remember months and years of my life is more of a personal concern than not being able to remember names or faces. But, it's not clear that the broader issue is solvable, so I write on my hand, and apologize for the necessity.

pandler 8y ago
One of the few things I remember from that one neuroscience class I took in high school was that the more physical senses you involve in something, the more likely you are to remember that thing. I think you’re totally right about writing something down, even if it’s just miming the act of writing. It’s the same effect, I think, where writing down a reminder means I remember it even when I lose the reminder note.
- dweekly 8y ago
  I also read it was a good idea to use multiple senses, so now I lick people when I meet them and they never forget meeting me.
  - falsedan 8y ago
    That sounds gross/like a health and safety violation, dweekly
  - deleted 8y ago
    [deleted]
  - ddingus 8y ago
    Hey, I chuckled. You just dropped that in here. Nicely done.
- m-i-l 8y ago
  That's a good tip about making the motions to write the person's name on the palm of your hand. One thing I noticed not that long ago was that if I heard someone's name, e.g. if they spoke it to me, I had little chance of remembering, but if I saw the name written down, e.g. I saw it on a name tag, I actually had a much better chance of remembering. I assumed that is because my memory was more visual. But maybe it is simply because of more senses being involved.

achairapart 8y ago

> So I just started, with Marjolein. After the introduction I turned around and repeated to myself "this was Marjolein. Marjolein". After a couple of times it becomes natural. Or even easier: Try to remember the color of their eyes while listening to their name. Don't know why but works wonders for me. As a bonus, you also make a good first impression thanks to eye contact.

kkielhofner 8y ago

I used to get frustrated at not being able to remember names. After many trials and failures, I stumbled upon a remarkably easy mnemonic (for me). Due to generations, geographies, culture, etc there really aren't that many different names (especially when only pronunciation matters). I eventually found that, when meeting someone, I would immediately think of the name and face of someone I already knew with that name. Even if it was a girl from a class in middle school, the number of previous names or the passing of time doesn't seem to matter. If I can apply the new face to a face and name I already know there's a high likelihood I'll remember the new face/name association forever (just like we can all remember the name of some random kid from second grade, somehow). It's as simple as saying to myself: "This is Shannon, like Shannon from middle school and Shannon from that gym you used to go to." Then the next time I see the "new" person I'll often immediately recall: "Oh, hey! That's Shannon. Like Shannon from middle school and Shannon from that gym you used to go to." It really seems to scale almost infinitely and to this day I can go almost anywhere I've been before and remember the names of people I may have "met" once years ago. If it's a new name the process is slightly more complicated. Many times I'll try to think of a place, town, business, item, pretty much anything and that generally works. I've also found that it happens so rarely simply remarking "WOW, that's actually a new one" is enough to give me a pretty good chance. The reactions are really interesting but I keep doing this and using this method because the results are almost always positive for all parties. In many cases (especially in the service industry) you can see their face and demeanor change instantly when you've demonstrated you made some effort to remember their name. Reminds me of the "What's That Name?" SNL skit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZ7OJdDSXVo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZ7OJdDSXVo