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> stepped into the hall with Katie's husband, Pat. "I wasn't prepared for this," she told him. "I don't know if I can handle it." Be suspicious of people who

by rdtsc 8y ago

> stepped into the hall with Katie's husband, Pat. "I wasn't prepared for this," she told him. "I don't know if I can handle it." Be suspicious of people who you don't know that well, but all of the sudden they pop up in a moment of crisis. Sometimes they want to be part of it and go around and brag to others how their friend / relative is suffering. It's just a source of gossip for them. Then they get the sympathy-by-proxy and they get others to pity them and so on. As a general rule I find that people who want to celebrate with you when something good happens and are happy for you are more likely to be a better friend than the ones who show up when you're in trouble. > "Can I bring you a pot roast?" Also don't say "what can I do to help?". People as a rule will just say, "Sure, thank you" but the understanding is you're not serious and you just said it because you're expected to say. You might have meant it, but they don't know that. Like the article mentions, say something like "Would you like a pot roast?".

asveikau 8y ago
> Be suspicious of people who you don't know that well, but all of the sudden they pop up in a moment of crisis On the other hand I have had a few experiences where people feel closer to you than you do to them, and their concern could be genuine, or perhaps they had some similar life experience you are unaware of that makes them feel connected to your cause. By all means keep whatever distance you feel appropriate, but it's often a good idea to be kind and keep an open mind with that kind of person within reason.
coldtea 8y ago
>As a general rule I find that people who want to celebrate with you when something good happens and are happy for you are more likely to be a better friend than the ones who show up when you're in trouble. Yeah, I don't think sunshine friends are better...
majos 8y ago
> Be suspicious of people who you don't know that well, but all of the sudden they pop up in a moment of crisis. This is a bit weird, because it seems to imply that if person x is casual friends with person y, then person x should keep their distance when person y encounters hardship. That seems counterproductive, especially in cases where person y may feel closer to person x than person x realizes. I would think it's more common that person y's hardship makes people less likely to seek them out -- maybe not. But I think I have heard more stories along the lines of "during/after my hardship, I found out who my real friends were, and there weren't many of them".
codingdave 8y ago
The phrase "Assume positive intent" is frequently used to describe an approach to the business world, but trust me -- it has a much larger impact when used in your personal life.
thx4allthestuff 8y ago
Be wary of generalized advice. Most people suck, and for them that advice is probably sound. But there are diamonds in this world, and when you pass them by they are gone.
- eksemplar 8y ago
  People are so different that general advice is always bad advice.
srean 8y ago
> As a general rule I find that people who want to celebrate with you when something good happens and are happy for you are more likely to be a better friend than the ones who show up when you're in trouble. I agree with you that if a friend does not feel joy in your moments of happiness and accomplishments the friendship is probably not very deep or sincere. But there's the fair weather variety. I am not sure those are the only kind one would want. I recently bookmarked a lovely quote on HN. Life is mostly froth and bubble, Two things stand like stone. Kindness in another's trouble, Courage in your own. -- Adam Lindsay Gordon

by rdtsc 8y ago

asveikau 8y ago

> Be suspicious of people who you don't know that well, but all of the sudden they pop up in a moment of crisis On the other hand I have had a few experiences where people feel closer to you than you do to them, and their concern could be genuine, or perhaps they had some similar life experience you are unaware of that makes them feel connected to your cause. By all means keep whatever distance you feel appropriate, but it's often a good idea to be kind and keep an open mind with that kind of person within reason.

coldtea 8y ago

majos 8y ago

> Be suspicious of people who you don't know that well, but all of the sudden they pop up in a moment of crisis. This is a bit weird, because it seems to imply that if person x is casual friends with person y, then person x should keep their distance when person y encounters hardship. That seems counterproductive, especially in cases where person y may feel closer to person x than person x realizes. I would think it's more common that person y's hardship makes people less likely to seek them out -- maybe not. But I think I have heard more stories along the lines of "during/after my hardship, I found out who my real friends were, and there weren't many of them".

codingdave 8y ago

The phrase "Assume positive intent" is frequently used to describe an approach to the business world, but trust me -- it has a much larger impact when used in your personal life.

thx4allthestuff 8y ago

Be wary of generalized advice. Most people suck, and for them that advice is probably sound. But there are diamonds in this world, and when you pass them by they are gone.

eksemplar 8y ago
People are so different that general advice is always bad advice.

srean 8y ago

> As a general rule I find that people who want to celebrate with you when something good happens and are happy for you are more likely to be a better friend than the ones who show up when you're in trouble. I agree with you that if a friend does not feel joy in your moments of happiness and accomplishments the friendship is probably not very deep or sincere. But there's the fair weather variety. I am not sure those are the only kind one would want. I recently bookmarked a lovely quote on HN. Life is mostly froth and bubble, Two things stand like stone. Kindness in another's trouble, Courage in your own. -- Adam Lindsay Gordon