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The people you spend the most time with affect how you think and what you do.

by k4ch0w 8y ago

madeuptempacct 8y ago
I originally posted this separately, but then saw your post and am adding it here. What you said and the below were some of the most profound realizations for me, even though it seems so obvious, but the extremely high degree to which this is true isn't that obvious. --- People are incredibly hard to change. Spent half a year teaching someone programming. They told me they wanted to learn, etc. Ended up doing most of the bootcamp work for them so I could explain it to them, etc. This person had 5 day breaks where they didn't study a single thing. This also goes with "look at what people do, not what they say, or how they present themselves." That also comes down to "don't waste time on shitty people." I used to spend time with everyone because of naivety, then I realized just how precious that time is and a lot of people just waste it.
- RickS 8y ago
  Absolutely agree. One phrasing I heard that changed my mind a lot was "It's hard work keeping your own life afloat. Be careful who you tie yourself to. They are as likely to pull you down as you are to lift them up". In one interpretation, that's a scary thought encouraging selfishness. In my view, it's a pragmatic description of reality, encouraging judiciousness. I still find great joy in helping others, sometimes at some expense to myself, but I now feel a lot less bad about making value judgements before deciding if such a thing is worthwhile, rather than feeling obligated to help everyone that might want it.
throwaway713 8y ago
I agree, but not in the way that this statement is usually intended. It often goes along with “you become the average of the five people you surround yourself with”. Unfortunately, sometimes I find myself surrounded by people who have vastly differing life philosophies than my own (relatives, friends, spouse). In that case, the disagreement in a way pushes me harder to achieve what I want to out of sheer stubbornness than if I actually was surrounded by people who thought the same way as me.
Bjartr 8y ago
I would add to this the following. You are the person you spend the most time around. You have power to affect your own outlook in small ways on a day to day basis. Added up over a long period of time can result in real change in outlook. I'm talking really tiny things like instead of saying "I'm bad at X" say "I haven't done X well before". Sort of brainwashing yourself into a growth mindset.

The people you spend the most time with affect how you think and what you do.

by k4ch0w 8y ago

The people you spend the most time with affect how you think and what you do.

I originally posted this separately, but then saw your post and am adding it here. What you said and the below were some of the most profound realizations for me, even though it seems so obvious, but the extremely high degree to which this is true isn't that obvious. --- People are incredibly hard to change. Spent half a year teaching someone programming. They told me they wanted to learn, etc. Ended up doing most of the bootcamp work for them so I could explain it to them, etc. This person had 5 day breaks where they didn't study a single thing. This also goes with "look at what people do, not what they say, or how they present themselves." That also comes down to "don't waste time on shitty people." I used to spend time with everyone because of naivety, then I realized just how precious that time is and a lot of people just waste it.

RickS 8y ago
Absolutely agree. One phrasing I heard that changed my mind a lot was "It's hard work keeping your own life afloat. Be careful who you tie yourself to. They are as likely to pull you down as you are to lift them up". In one interpretation, that's a scary thought encouraging selfishness. In my view, it's a pragmatic description of reality, encouraging judiciousness. I still find great joy in helping others, sometimes at some expense to myself, but I now feel a lot less bad about making value judgements before deciding if such a thing is worthwhile, rather than feeling obligated to help everyone that might want it.

throwaway713 8y ago

I agree, but not in the way that this statement is usually intended. It often goes along with “you become the average of the five people you surround yourself with”. Unfortunately, sometimes I find myself surrounded by people who have vastly differing life philosophies than my own (relatives, friends, spouse). In that case, the disagreement in a way pushes me harder to achieve what I want to out of sheer stubbornness than if I actually was surrounded by people who thought the same way as me.

Bjartr 8y ago

I would add to this the following. You are the person you spend the most time around. You have power to affect your own outlook in small ways on a day to day basis. Added up over a long period of time can result in real change in outlook. I'm talking really tiny things like instead of saying "I'm bad at X" say "I haven't done X well before". Sort of brainwashing yourself into a growth mindset.