5 ms·

If you have kids, this kinda changes for a lot of people. You'll still have these feelings, but the little monsters change your view points a fair bit. Being on

If you have kids, this kinda changes for a lot of people. You'll still have these feelings, but the little monsters change your view points a fair bit. Being on top, or really comparing yourself to others that are far far away, kinda drops away. I'm talking from a male perspective here, as I know the mommy-bloggers are demon spawn in the comparisons regard. But when something that REALLY is super important comes along and keeps bugging you to play monster trucks, that hierarchy urge transforms from 'me me me' to 'them them them'. Sure, parenthood is hectic as all get out, and providing for the puke machines is NOT easy. But there is a personal existential calmness that smooths out the ambitions of self towards an ambition of family (and 8 hours of sleep!).

Invictus0 8y ago
As a counterpoint, most US Presidents and also most billionaires have children. I don't see much historical evidence for children being a damper on ambition.
- marnett 8y ago
  Outside of the privileged few, having children is about having family. For those privileged few who trade money for someone else to handle any and all steps that come along with child rearing it is largely about bloodlines and passing on the family name, typically to children whose mother had world class genetic makeup.
- imgabe 8y ago
  The wealthy have always had children. They are able to afford to pay other people to raise their children for them.
panic 8y ago
> I'm talking from a male perspective here, as I know the mommy-bloggers are demon spawn in the comparisons regard. What do you mean by this? Can't men can be "demon spawn" too in this regard?
- bitexploder 8y ago
  Yeah, sure. Mommy bloggers is just a group prone to coplmparing, oneupmanship, and being “perfect”. Not all of them of course, but it is a thing. Just call them hyper-perfectionist parent bloggers
- zamfi 8y ago
  Not the OP, but I think what he means is that mommy-bloggers provide a very visible, high-bar point of comparison. Many of these mommy-blogs (though certainly not all) show perfect lives, perfect activities, perfectly photogenic children, perfect this and perfect that. The reality is that (especially early) parenthood is very harsh, and very hard to do alone -- doing it while achieving this "perfect life" as displayed on these blogs is basically impossible for working parents, but it's portrayed as being easy. Naturally, many mothers feel that their own efforts fall far short in comparison, and feel like they're failing their children as a result. As a new dad, I can tell you this is one of the biggest fears and one of the most painful feelings I have ever experienced. Could there be similar daddy-bloggers with daddy-blogs showing perfect daddy lives? Absolutely. But somehow it's not very prevalent.
  - Balgair 8y ago
    Exactly! I'm certain daddy-bloggers exist out there, but the mommy-bloggers are on a whole other level. Early childhood is just ... fluids ... everywhere. Having time for perfect makeup and lighting design is hysterically funny in it's unreality, but nonetheless, make MANY women feel terrible all the same. I can't count the number of ladies I know that deal with PPD.
  - pandapower2 8y ago
    Noting right at the beginning, I'm a father. I suspect that part of the reason why insecurity inducing daddy blogs are comparatively rare is that the bar for fathers is traditionally very low compared to what is expected of mothers in regard to caring for children. The standard for being a great mother is high verging on impossible. Be available to your children 24/7, be patient, kind, and caring 24/7, be interested in every detail of your children's lives, prepare fresh nutritious meals and snacks, keep the house clean, oh, and get a part time job. The traditional standard for being a great father is relatively modest. Earn enough to pay the bills, spend a non-zero amount of time with your children, show some modest level of interest in your children's lives, don't get drunk and hit your wife and kids. Simply being physically present and not being abusive gets you points as a dad. Mothers can pretty much never do enough. Meanwhile fathers like myself get praised for doing relatively trivial things like going to a playground on the weekend or making the effort to NOT work late so as to be home before the kids go to bed.

Invictus0 8y ago

As a counterpoint, most US Presidents and also most billionaires have children. I don't see much historical evidence for children being a damper on ambition.

marnett 8y ago
Outside of the privileged few, having children is about having family. For those privileged few who trade money for someone else to handle any and all steps that come along with child rearing it is largely about bloodlines and passing on the family name, typically to children whose mother had world class genetic makeup.
imgabe 8y ago
The wealthy have always had children. They are able to afford to pay other people to raise their children for them.

panic 8y ago

> I'm talking from a male perspective here, as I know the mommy-bloggers are demon spawn in the comparisons regard. What do you mean by this? Can't men can be "demon spawn" too in this regard?

bitexploder 8y ago
Yeah, sure. Mommy bloggers is just a group prone to coplmparing, oneupmanship, and being “perfect”. Not all of them of course, but it is a thing. Just call them hyper-perfectionist parent bloggers
zamfi 8y ago
Not the OP, but I think what he means is that mommy-bloggers provide a very visible, high-bar point of comparison. Many of these mommy-blogs (though certainly not all) show perfect lives, perfect activities, perfectly photogenic children, perfect this and perfect that. The reality is that (especially early) parenthood is very harsh, and very hard to do alone -- doing it while achieving this "perfect life" as displayed on these blogs is basically impossible for working parents, but it's portrayed as being easy. Naturally, many mothers feel that their own efforts fall far short in comparison, and feel like they're failing their children as a result. As a new dad, I can tell you this is one of the biggest fears and one of the most painful feelings I have ever experienced. Could there be similar daddy-bloggers with daddy-blogs showing perfect daddy lives? Absolutely. But somehow it's not very prevalent.
- Balgair 8y ago
  Exactly! I'm certain daddy-bloggers exist out there, but the mommy-bloggers are on a whole other level. Early childhood is just ... fluids ... everywhere. Having time for perfect makeup and lighting design is hysterically funny in it's unreality, but nonetheless, make MANY women feel terrible all the same. I can't count the number of ladies I know that deal with PPD.
- pandapower2 8y ago
  Noting right at the beginning, I'm a father. I suspect that part of the reason why insecurity inducing daddy blogs are comparatively rare is that the bar for fathers is traditionally very low compared to what is expected of mothers in regard to caring for children. The standard for being a great mother is high verging on impossible. Be available to your children 24/7, be patient, kind, and caring 24/7, be interested in every detail of your children's lives, prepare fresh nutritious meals and snacks, keep the house clean, oh, and get a part time job. The traditional standard for being a great father is relatively modest. Earn enough to pay the bills, spend a non-zero amount of time with your children, show some modest level of interest in your children's lives, don't get drunk and hit your wife and kids. Simply being physically present and not being abusive gets you points as a dad. Mothers can pretty much never do enough. Meanwhile fathers like myself get praised for doing relatively trivial things like going to a playground on the weekend or making the effort to NOT work late so as to be home before the kids go to bed.