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I think about this a lot in relation to my own startup experience. Though I'd never claim to be remotely as talented as Jobs (and the evidence of that is borne

I think about this a lot in relation to my own startup experience. Though I'd never claim to be remotely as talented as Jobs (and the evidence of that is borne out in my decidedly modest startup career success so far), I was the person in my team who filled the Jobs-like role of being a product+strategy lead alongside specialist programmers and designers. I knew they were capable of brilliant things and I saw it as my role to push them to achieve their best, and sometimes I could be brutal with my words and their delivery. In the 4-5 years since I stopped working with that team, I've done a huge amount of personal development/emotional healing work (which could be seen as a version of "ego dissolution" or "shadow integration" work), and I now look back on those days and think "man I was such a jerk to those guys". And I feel that were I to lead a startup team again, I'd hope never to treat people like that, and be far more kind and nurturing to those I work with. Yet we achieved some huge things in those days, and that company lives on, continuing to achieve great things, thanks in big part to the solid foundations we laid back then. So whilst I'd never want to be an outright asshole to people, I'm unsure that you can get great outcomes while being nice to people all the time either. And I sure know that it's when I've been on the receiving end of uncomfortable truths delivered harshly that I've most clearly gotten the message that I needed to improve myself. I find it hard to reconcile the fact that Jobs seemed to spend so much time studying Buddhism and practising meditation and other spiritual practices, presumably seeking emotional peace and balance within himself, yet was still such a tyrant as a company leader. I often wonder whether it's even possible to build a company that makes products as good as Apple's, whilst being kinder and warmer to people than Jobs was. I'm sure there's a healthy balance there somewhere, or at least I really hope there is, but I'm yet to figure out what it is.

acjohnson55 8y ago
I'm pretty sure it's possible. My best sports coach was demanding and direct, but never insulting or abusive. It's not about niceness, per se. It's about speaking honestly to the objective aspects work while always valuing the person. You can be emotional and mad, just don't take it out on people, and if you lose it, own up to it. Another example. My old CTO had a frank conversation with me about my management style. I cried because I knew I wasn't doing the kind of job I wanted to do. He never said a single word to me that was abusive or out of line. I didn't agree with every word he said, but I took his constructive criticism to heart. You don't have to be an asshole to have a tough conversation with people. Reading this thread, it's so frustrating that people seem to think the two things are the same.

acjohnson55 8y ago

I'm pretty sure it's possible. My best sports coach was demanding and direct, but never insulting or abusive. It's not about niceness, per se. It's about speaking honestly to the objective aspects work while always valuing the person. You can be emotional and mad, just don't take it out on people, and if you lose it, own up to it. Another example. My old CTO had a frank conversation with me about my management style. I cried because I knew I wasn't doing the kind of job I wanted to do. He never said a single word to me that was abusive or out of line. I didn't agree with every word he said, but I took his constructive criticism to heart. You don't have to be an asshole to have a tough conversation with people. Reading this thread, it's so frustrating that people seem to think the two things are the same.