3 ms·

Same shit is happening in India. If you dont have a H1B and never worked in US, good luck finding a girl. I am 27 right now and that too a low caste. I am serio

Same shit is happening in India. If you dont have a H1B and never worked in US, good luck finding a girl. I am 27 right now and that too a low caste. I am seriously contemplating giving up hopes of marriage and remaining single. Will be tough as I dont have a family. All my family members were killed when I was young. I have stopped bothering and now just bury myself in work and reading to avoid the darkness.

logicchains 8y ago
Don't give up hope. If India is anything like China, independent, educated young people are much more likely to make marriage decisions for love rather than money. The key thing to realise is that, if someone will only marry you for your financial status rather than love they'll probably be a terrible spouse, and similarly if they'd let their parents make their marriage decision for them they're also probably not the kind of person you want to marry. If they care about your caste, then they're a horrible racist and you certainly wouldn't want to marry them. If you go to a big city and hang out at the kind of places educated, independent young people go to, you might be surprised at how open-minded the people you meet are. Particularly art-related places; people who pursue an artistic career have potentially already demonstrated a preference for following one's heart over financial concerns.
- lifeisstillgood 8y ago
  Possibly some of the best life advice in three paragraphs I have seen
- user5994461 8y ago
  As my girlfriend would say. It comes as a package, the person has her feelings, body, character, social status, and family background, etc... It takes more than "love" to bond and have a lasting relationship. It's good advice to look for people who are somewhat similar.
namanyayg 8y ago
What city do you live in? I'm from Delhi and the situation is very different here for sure. And in India, the girl's family usually pays dowry (usually much more than $10k + gold jewelry) to the guy's family, so that's something literally opposite to China culture? As another commenter mentioned, the situation in metro is developed enough where you'll find a partner through love rather than status.
- amrx431 8y ago
  I am originally from Bihar but currently in Bengaluru. I know about the dowry but in my case its quite the opposite due to my caste. I am low caste(chamar) with no family. Any meaningful and prospective relationship shuts down as soon as my caste comes to light. Should I try moving to Delhi?Would my caste be an issue with girls and their parents from Delhi?
  - jacquesm 8y ago
    This caste bullshit should really die. You're a human being, not 'low caste', and so are they. As my grandmother used to say: "They all smell bad in the loo, no matter what airs they put on.".
  - namanyayg 8y ago
    I am unsure of the details of the caste situation and marriage, in my metro upbringing I haven't seen any instances of caste discrimination at all (I am vaishya). However, from the fact that you're active on HN does tell me that you're cut from a different cloth than your peers and I do feel that you'll have better luck in metros.
prablenha 8y ago
So... The same thing that's happened for decades in the west? Good luck finding a woman if you're not over 8/10, taller than 180 cm, have a job, and accept her being a cheat... :-)
- XorNot 8y ago
  The incel "movement" is a violent death cult where a small core of dangerous sociopaths are trying to pull a Joker to prove their warped view of the world is right. Get over your persecution complex, go develop some hobbies and learn how to respect yourself when you masturbate and you'll suddenly find people including women can actually stand to be around you.
- dang 8y ago
  We ban accounts for commenting like this, so please don't. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html
wonderbear 8y ago
I'm sorry you're in that situation. I guess I don't have anything constructive to say, I just hope you find a chosen family.

logicchains 8y ago

Don't give up hope. If India is anything like China, independent, educated young people are much more likely to make marriage decisions for love rather than money. The key thing to realise is that, if someone will only marry you for your financial status rather than love they'll probably be a terrible spouse, and similarly if they'd let their parents make their marriage decision for them they're also probably not the kind of person you want to marry. If they care about your caste, then they're a horrible racist and you certainly wouldn't want to marry them. If you go to a big city and hang out at the kind of places educated, independent young people go to, you might be surprised at how open-minded the people you meet are. Particularly art-related places; people who pursue an artistic career have potentially already demonstrated a preference for following one's heart over financial concerns.

lifeisstillgood 8y ago
Possibly some of the best life advice in three paragraphs I have seen
user5994461 8y ago
As my girlfriend would say. It comes as a package, the person has her feelings, body, character, social status, and family background, etc... It takes more than "love" to bond and have a lasting relationship. It's good advice to look for people who are somewhat similar.

namanyayg 8y ago

What city do you live in? I'm from Delhi and the situation is very different here for sure. And in India, the girl's family usually pays dowry (usually much more than $10k + gold jewelry) to the guy's family, so that's something literally opposite to China culture? As another commenter mentioned, the situation in metro is developed enough where you'll find a partner through love rather than status.

amrx431 8y ago
I am originally from Bihar but currently in Bengaluru. I know about the dowry but in my case its quite the opposite due to my caste. I am low caste(chamar) with no family. Any meaningful and prospective relationship shuts down as soon as my caste comes to light. Should I try moving to Delhi?Would my caste be an issue with girls and their parents from Delhi?
- jacquesm 8y ago
  This caste bullshit should really die. You're a human being, not 'low caste', and so are they. As my grandmother used to say: "They all smell bad in the loo, no matter what airs they put on.".
- namanyayg 8y ago
  I am unsure of the details of the caste situation and marriage, in my metro upbringing I haven't seen any instances of caste discrimination at all (I am vaishya). However, from the fact that you're active on HN does tell me that you're cut from a different cloth than your peers and I do feel that you'll have better luck in metros.

prablenha 8y ago

So... The same thing that's happened for decades in the west? Good luck finding a woman if you're not over 8/10, taller than 180 cm, have a job, and accept her being a cheat... :-)

XorNot 8y ago
The incel "movement" is a violent death cult where a small core of dangerous sociopaths are trying to pull a Joker to prove their warped view of the world is right. Get over your persecution complex, go develop some hobbies and learn how to respect yourself when you masturbate and you'll suddenly find people including women can actually stand to be around you.
dang 8y ago
We ban accounts for commenting like this, so please don't. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

wonderbear 8y ago

I'm sorry you're in that situation. I guess I don't have anything constructive to say, I just hope you find a chosen family.