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I can't say our first few years of marriage were easy by any stretch of the definition. We struggled with a variety of issues - sudden death of her father, back

by jriot 8y ago

I can't say our first few years of marriage were easy by any stretch of the definition. We struggled with a variety of issues - sudden death of her father, back to back deployments (her and I) and the general stresses of marriage and the military. The first 2 - 3 years were the most difficult but once she decided to separate marriage became easier. Then I separated and marriage was blissful - now that I work from home we have afternoon delights. Back to reality, there are also issues of finding yourself/ourself; on our own and together. The younger versions of ourselves are shells of what we've become together. Marriage is never easy, regardless of when you choose to get married; 20, 30, 40... Younger people divorce quicker for many of the reasons mentioned throughout the post but my belief is they quit through the hard times as they have an unfounded belief marriage is easy and without growth individually and together. We stuck it out through all those hard times; in part because we were the only constant in our lives as we moved overseas. Now in our 30s we understand and react better to those times life throws us a curveball. Don't be envious, but do view marriage as a partnership through life - not a financial decision.

FuckOffNeemo 8y ago
Thank you for your kind words :). I appologise if I implies in any part that your marriage would have been easy, I'm envious... but I'm not naive! :D My comment about my own perception was being in a position where I tried, relentlessly, to make relationships work with several different people where in hindsight it was clear neither I or my then partner where in a position where we could. It took many years before I got to the place where I am at today. I'm now comfortable with being alone but also in a position where I'd be capable of truly looking after another and respecting boundaries. They were not always something I managed at all well. If I can ask, "but once she decided to separate marriage became easier. Then I separated and marriage was blissful - " - you separated marriage? Or did you mean your wife left the Military and then you followed suit?
- jriot 8y ago
  No need for apologies, as you did not imply anything. I added for additional perspective. Relationships are difficult and I couldn't fathom trying to wade in today's waters. You are correct, being comfortable alone while looking after another and respecting their boundaries is acquired through experience. My wife and I learned these traits through many hard lessons. For me, I was an ultra-marathoner during my mid-20s. The training and races provided me many lessons I still use in life. Ah yes, separated from the military (left the military), not marriage.
blktiger 8y ago
I have to whole-heartedly agree. My wife and I both got married young as well (23/21), spent the first two years of marriage living in separate states, were broke as crap but not in debt, and came out the other side doing great. I think the key to marriage is simple, you both _commit_ to being married no matter what. You can work through any problem as long as you are committed to doing so.

by jriot 8y ago

FuckOffNeemo 8y ago

Thank you for your kind words :). I appologise if I implies in any part that your marriage would have been easy, I'm envious... but I'm not naive! :D My comment about my own perception was being in a position where I tried, relentlessly, to make relationships work with several different people where in hindsight it was clear neither I or my then partner where in a position where we could. It took many years before I got to the place where I am at today. I'm now comfortable with being alone but also in a position where I'd be capable of truly looking after another and respecting boundaries. They were not always something I managed at all well. If I can ask, "but once she decided to separate marriage became easier. Then I separated and marriage was blissful - " - you separated marriage? Or did you mean your wife left the Military and then you followed suit?

jriot 8y ago
No need for apologies, as you did not imply anything. I added for additional perspective. Relationships are difficult and I couldn't fathom trying to wade in today's waters. You are correct, being comfortable alone while looking after another and respecting their boundaries is acquired through experience. My wife and I learned these traits through many hard lessons. For me, I was an ultra-marathoner during my mid-20s. The training and races provided me many lessons I still use in life. Ah yes, separated from the military (left the military), not marriage.

blktiger 8y ago

I have to whole-heartedly agree. My wife and I both got married young as well (23/21), spent the first two years of marriage living in separate states, were broke as crap but not in debt, and came out the other side doing great. I think the key to marriage is simple, you both _commit_ to being married no matter what. You can work through any problem as long as you are committed to doing so.