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My wife and I got married young, 21 and 20. Neither of us had any financial issues because we were too young to have any financial issues. Twelve years later an

by jriot 8y ago

My wife and I got married young, 21 and 20. Neither of us had any financial issues because we were too young to have any financial issues. Twelve years later and we are still married. By sharing our 20s together it allowed us to see each other grow personally, professionally and together in many ways. Neither of us views marriage in terms of financial purposes. There are economic benefits we see. For example I work from home and she is a stay at home mom. 90% of our meals of made from scratch by her e.g., we render leaf fat to use in pie dough and get peaches from farmers market to use in the pies. I am certain people view this as a 1950s arrangement but we are healthy to the point we can't remember the last time we've been to the doctor. Added bonus our kids will be out of the house when we are in our early 40s!

taurath 8y ago
> Neither of us had any financial issues because we were too young to have any financial issues Can I guess that your lifestyle doesn't vary hugely from that of your parents? I see most millennial having to contend with a relative shack vs their parents relative mansions and stability and stuff - the general feeling that you are "very" behind your parents.
- jriot 8y ago
  We both were air traffic controllers in the Air Force and met at our first base. My dad was enlisted military and her mom immigrated here, working as a nurse in the prison system. I now work from home as a data scientist for a cyber-security company.
LilBytes 8y ago
Congratulations on finding yourselves so young and more importantly, being in a position where you were both able to grow with one and other. :) I'm rather envious. But like the OP above you mentioned, I wasn't in a position where I could or should be committing to life with some one. I guess that's where today's culture is a lot more forgiving and not forcing our generation to adhere to traditional social roles. I can't imagine anyone who'd have married to the younger version of myself would have made it far, and inevitably found myself on the wrong side of the documented statistics. So, yay... I guess.
- jriot 8y ago
  I can't say our first few years of marriage were easy by any stretch of the definition. We struggled with a variety of issues - sudden death of her father, back to back deployments (her and I) and the general stresses of marriage and the military. The first 2 - 3 years were the most difficult but once she decided to separate marriage became easier. Then I separated and marriage was blissful - now that I work from home we have afternoon delights. Back to reality, there are also issues of finding yourself/ourself; on our own and together. The younger versions of ourselves are shells of what we've become together. Marriage is never easy, regardless of when you choose to get married; 20, 30, 40... Younger people divorce quicker for many of the reasons mentioned throughout the post but my belief is they quit through the hard times as they have an unfounded belief marriage is easy and without growth individually and together. We stuck it out through all those hard times; in part because we were the only constant in our lives as we moved overseas. Now in our 30s we understand and react better to those times life throws us a curveball. Don't be envious, but do view marriage as a partnership through life - not a financial decision.
  - FuckOffNeemo 8y ago
    Thank you for your kind words :). I appologise if I implies in any part that your marriage would have been easy, I'm envious... but I'm not naive! :D My comment about my own perception was being in a position where I tried, relentlessly, to make relationships work with several different people where in hindsight it was clear neither I or my then partner where in a position where we could. It took many years before I got to the place where I am at today. I'm now comfortable with being alone but also in a position where I'd be capable of truly looking after another and respecting boundaries. They were not always something I managed at all well. If I can ask, "but once she decided to separate marriage became easier. Then I separated and marriage was blissful - " - you separated marriage? Or did you mean your wife left the Military and then you followed suit?
    - jriot 8y ago
      No need for apologies, as you did not imply anything. I added for additional perspective. Relationships are difficult and I couldn't fathom trying to wade in today's waters. You are correct, being comfortable alone while looking after another and respecting their boundaries is acquired through experience. My wife and I learned these traits through many hard lessons. For me, I was an ultra-marathoner during my mid-20s. The training and races provided me many lessons I still use in life. Ah yes, separated from the military (left the military), not marriage.
magduf 8y ago
You got lucky, and you possibly also made a good choice. You also found each other at a time when you were both young and impressionable and not set in your ways or scarred by failed marriages or relationships. But largely, I think you were lucky: you managed to find someone who wasn't going to be a financial disaster for you. You could have married a girl who, as soon the paychecks started rolling in, wanted to spend it all on crap.
- jriot 8y ago
  I can see being unlucky finding someone who will spend it all on crap. Hopefully, before people decide to get married they can have a sense of their spending habits. Difficult to completely do but you should have a reasonable exception. Though I agree, a certain amount of luck was involved.
groby_b 8y ago
I'm glad you're rarely seeing a doctor, but... you're early thirties. Unless you injure yourself, that should be the normal case. It's not the homemade pies :) (Although those are a good thing for very different reasons. Yum. Homemade pie)
- jriot 8y ago
  I would agree, being in your early 30s you shouldn't see a doctor outside of an injury. Again I don't think the homemade pies are helping, but I think they do in the long-term. Not that I am eating pie but that we know whats into them. We see the pigs being raised, work with our butcher etc... we believe that will aid us as we get older in comparison to eating pre-made ones with who knows what in it. We could be entirely wrong here, but at least we will be eating well!
  - groby_b 8y ago
    Kidding aside, I agree. There's a lot of value in knowing where your food comes from. Not just in terms of health, but also in (for lack of a better word) a spiritual way. You understand your place in the world better. Congrats on being able to live your life like that.

by jriot 8y ago

taurath 8y ago

> Neither of us had any financial issues because we were too young to have any financial issues Can I guess that your lifestyle doesn't vary hugely from that of your parents? I see most millennial having to contend with a relative shack vs their parents relative mansions and stability and stuff - the general feeling that you are "very" behind your parents.

jriot 8y ago
We both were air traffic controllers in the Air Force and met at our first base. My dad was enlisted military and her mom immigrated here, working as a nurse in the prison system. I now work from home as a data scientist for a cyber-security company.

LilBytes 8y ago

Congratulations on finding yourselves so young and more importantly, being in a position where you were both able to grow with one and other. :) I'm rather envious. But like the OP above you mentioned, I wasn't in a position where I could or should be committing to life with some one. I guess that's where today's culture is a lot more forgiving and not forcing our generation to adhere to traditional social roles. I can't imagine anyone who'd have married to the younger version of myself would have made it far, and inevitably found myself on the wrong side of the documented statistics. So, yay... I guess.

jriot 8y ago
I can't say our first few years of marriage were easy by any stretch of the definition. We struggled with a variety of issues - sudden death of her father, back to back deployments (her and I) and the general stresses of marriage and the military. The first 2 - 3 years were the most difficult but once she decided to separate marriage became easier. Then I separated and marriage was blissful - now that I work from home we have afternoon delights. Back to reality, there are also issues of finding yourself/ourself; on our own and together. The younger versions of ourselves are shells of what we've become together. Marriage is never easy, regardless of when you choose to get married; 20, 30, 40... Younger people divorce quicker for many of the reasons mentioned throughout the post but my belief is they quit through the hard times as they have an unfounded belief marriage is easy and without growth individually and together. We stuck it out through all those hard times; in part because we were the only constant in our lives as we moved overseas. Now in our 30s we understand and react better to those times life throws us a curveball. Don't be envious, but do view marriage as a partnership through life - not a financial decision.
- FuckOffNeemo 8y ago
  Thank you for your kind words :). I appologise if I implies in any part that your marriage would have been easy, I'm envious... but I'm not naive! :D My comment about my own perception was being in a position where I tried, relentlessly, to make relationships work with several different people where in hindsight it was clear neither I or my then partner where in a position where we could. It took many years before I got to the place where I am at today. I'm now comfortable with being alone but also in a position where I'd be capable of truly looking after another and respecting boundaries. They were not always something I managed at all well. If I can ask, "but once she decided to separate marriage became easier. Then I separated and marriage was blissful - " - you separated marriage? Or did you mean your wife left the Military and then you followed suit?
  - jriot 8y ago
    No need for apologies, as you did not imply anything. I added for additional perspective. Relationships are difficult and I couldn't fathom trying to wade in today's waters. You are correct, being comfortable alone while looking after another and respecting their boundaries is acquired through experience. My wife and I learned these traits through many hard lessons. For me, I was an ultra-marathoner during my mid-20s. The training and races provided me many lessons I still use in life. Ah yes, separated from the military (left the military), not marriage.

magduf 8y ago

You got lucky, and you possibly also made a good choice. You also found each other at a time when you were both young and impressionable and not set in your ways or scarred by failed marriages or relationships. But largely, I think you were lucky: you managed to find someone who wasn't going to be a financial disaster for you. You could have married a girl who, as soon the paychecks started rolling in, wanted to spend it all on crap.

jriot 8y ago
I can see being unlucky finding someone who will spend it all on crap. Hopefully, before people decide to get married they can have a sense of their spending habits. Difficult to completely do but you should have a reasonable exception. Though I agree, a certain amount of luck was involved.

groby_b 8y ago

I'm glad you're rarely seeing a doctor, but... you're early thirties. Unless you injure yourself, that should be the normal case. It's not the homemade pies :) (Although those are a good thing for very different reasons. Yum. Homemade pie)

jriot 8y ago
I would agree, being in your early 30s you shouldn't see a doctor outside of an injury. Again I don't think the homemade pies are helping, but I think they do in the long-term. Not that I am eating pie but that we know whats into them. We see the pigs being raised, work with our butcher etc... we believe that will aid us as we get older in comparison to eating pre-made ones with who knows what in it. We could be entirely wrong here, but at least we will be eating well!
- groby_b 8y ago
  Kidding aside, I agree. There's a lot of value in knowing where your food comes from. Not just in terms of health, but also in (for lack of a better word) a spiritual way. You understand your place in the world better. Congrats on being able to live your life like that.