7 ms·

Using a throwaway for potentially obvious reasons. I have a very hard time having empathy for my mom. She is diagnosed manic depressive, bipolar, schizophrenic.

Using a throwaway for potentially obvious reasons. I have a very hard time having empathy for my mom. She is diagnosed manic depressive, bipolar, schizophrenic. I've witnessed her deteriorate over my entire life. You can tell me all day that it biological. I can utterly accept that. I can't accept that a bright woman has fucked up her life to the point where she is homeless. That she has alienated all those who would help her. That she would destroy her own environment and blame the imaginary. We've had to decide to leave her to herself and not help due to the manipulation that comes with it. Her phone is blocked. We've moved addresses. I don't know if empathy is the right answer. It sucks. The whole thing sucks.

chris_mc 8y ago
She might be mentally ill and a shitty person... Also, sometimes you can have empathy, but can't personally handle someone. You have to do what's best for yourself, also.
- westoncb 8y ago
  This is a good time to employ some Occam's Razor: if we've already accounted for the shittiness via mental illness, what is our reason for introducing an additional explanation? Are certain extreme mental illnesses not enough to account for the most shitty of behaviors?
  - bsder 8y ago
    Because sometimes people were shitty even before they became mentally ill ...
    - ndnxhs 8y ago
      What is the difference between being shitty and mentally ill?
      - bsder 8y ago
        They can be related but don't have to be. Shitty people sometimes become quite pleasant as dementia progresses. Some really nice people become completely nasty. Sometimes there is no change.
      - LanceH 8y ago
        The drowning person panics and drags you under. The shitty person pushes you overboard.
        ndnxhs 8y ago
        So you are saying a mental illness is where you dont intend to cause harm? That would mean serial killers have perfect mental health.
      - evervevdww221 8y ago
        At least in my girlfriend's case, she seemed to feel regret after the maniac episode is over.
        ndnxhs 8y ago
        That's dependant on the mental illness. What if your illness is you just dont care about anyone.
      - DoreenMichele 8y ago
        I suppose the answer to that depends on how meta you want go get, so to speak. But at its most basic, some people are just assholes without being irrational, stressed out, etc. Though you could easily argue they weren't raised right and are being stupid, basically.
        ndnxhs 8y ago
        I'd argue that all negative behavioral issues are mental illnesses. One way to classify it would be biological mental illnesses and learned mental illnesses. For example autism being a biological one and PTSD being a leaned mental illness.
    - bdamm 8y ago
      As what, a toddler?
  - DanBC 8y ago
    A person can be a shitty person, or a shitty person because of mental illness. Occam's razor prefers the first, right? You're introducing an additional explanation.
    - samatman 8y ago
      Occam's razor is the simplest explanation, not the simplest statement. Tautology has no explanatory power.
      - DanBC 8y ago
        Incorrect explanations have less explanatory power.
        samatman 8y ago
        This is true, but Occam's Razor is "the simplest explanation is usually correct", so we have an infinite regress.
    - westoncb 8y ago
      Not if they've already been diagnosed with a mental illness, which is the situation at hand.
      - DanBC 8y ago
        ok, so this is more like the Linda Problem. It is more likely that a person is a shitty person than a person is a shitty person and has a mental illness.
        westoncb 8y ago
        Hmm, there's an element you've left out of the situation that makes it different from a straight Linda Problem though. In logical terms, it looks like this. mental_illness -> shittiness being_a_naturally_shitty_person -> shittiness And we know know two things: 1) the person in question is exhibiting shittiness 2) the person in question has been diagnosed with a mental illness. So: mental_illness = true shittiness = true Whether being_a_naturally_shitty_person is true or false is something we have no information on. So, from that starting point, we already have an account for the shittiness being exhibited since: mental_illness -> shittiness and mental_ilness = true So if we want to go ahead and make the additional claim that being_a_naturally_shitty_person = true —you're violating Occam's Razor by introducing an unnecessary second cause when we already had a sufficient first one.
- 1000units 8y ago
  This is often the case. More generally, every crook has a sob story. And it's important to not let that cloud your judgment. In judging a harmful person's character, all that matters is whether that person has definite potential to become a net-good person given spiritual instruction, social support, medication, or whatever. But if such a process is infeasible, then the person needs to be written off. Some people are irredeemably lost, and the only thing you can do is love them and pray for them, at a great distance.
AaronFriel 8y ago
I have nothing but sympathy for you. You no doubt wrote this knowing some, perhaps most people would not understand your decisions and chastise you for them. They don't understand, maybe never will. At the same time, I implore you not to give up. For people with mental illnesses like you describe, access to reliable Healthcare is everything. A good doctor who monitors their medications is everything. If I were to describe the situation in engineering terms, I'd say that every single support such a person receives is load bearing. Which is why it can be just so difficult, when only one failing can lead to collapse. I hope you are able to help her, provide her with something. If nothing else, try to put a roof over her head. Being homeless makes all of those other problems of access worse. It does suck. I hope you try again. If you need someone to chat with feel free to reach out to me. My email is mayreply at my name dot com.
- phaus 8y ago
  > A good doctor who monitors their medications is everything Even if you have good healthcare most doctors and even most specialists are terrible at dealing with anything that they don't see on a daily basis. Having a spouse with multiple rare chronic ailments has been eye opening.
- topmonk 8y ago
  I have to ask, why is it his responsibility? If his childhood is so bad that he has no connection to her why should he work to improve her life rather than the life of any other homeless or mentally ill people? It's like a double whammy. Not only is your childhood destroyed, you now are somehow considered by society responsible for her just because she is your biological mother.
  - Sean1708 8y ago
    I don't think they're suggesting that it is his responsibility, they're encouraging him to keep trying (because he's in a better position to help than most are) rather than berating him for not trying.
    - 8y ago
nonbel 8y ago
This is about clinicians who are getting paid to deal with the person though. They should expect to have their efforts to "help" be sabotaged for seemingly no reason, be betrayed as a means to get self esteem, constant testing of boundaries, etc. Then they should make the decision of whether to take the project before ever needing to interact with the person.
- bdamm 8y ago
  What country are we talking about here?
  - nonbel 8y ago
    Any country, I would think. You know a country where psychiatrists and other doctors work without getting paid somehow?
    - DoreenMichele 8y ago
      The US military provides free care of this sort to members and their dependents. They get paid a salary by the government, but don't charge the patients for care per se. I'm quite confident that's part of why therapy did me so much good. He wasn't going to make less money by actually being effective.
      - nonbel 8y ago
        The point, as far as my post was concerned, is that the doctor is getting paid. Not who is paying them.
        deleted 8y ago
        [deleted]
    - bdamm 8y ago
      Well, there's a lot of situations in the US where the need for the doctor to be paid becomes a blockade to getting care, particularly for those in need of mental health.
Fordrus 8y ago
Sometimes mental illness turns a person into the moral equivalent of a natural disaster. We don’t exactly blame natural disasters for arriving. They didn’t intend malice towards us. But we don’t therefore let them destroy our homes or kill us because there was no malicious intent behind the disaster. We batten down the hatches, make our homes storm and earthquake proof, we douse fires in water and build protective cellars. Sometimes when mental illness turns a person into a malicious abuser, we have to protect ourselves regardless of whether we blame them fully for their actions or not. Nature turns the person into a disaster (sometimes, it’s not like EVERY case is like this), and when it does that, we’re justified in doing want it takes protect ourselves, to keep from being abused or harmed - not blaming them doesn’t mean we have to go out and stand in the storm, so to speak. Here’s wishing you peace and happiness. :)
- lamename 8y ago
  This is a great perspective for reconciling the "not their fault" idea (which science seems to support overall) with practical measures in daily life. Excellent.
icantdrive55 8y ago
1. She's blaming the imaginary. She needs Professional help. 2. I understand you can't deal with it. 3. Get her professional help if you can. 4. I understand the poor whom turn their backs. I don't understand when the wealthy play Psychological know-it-all, and without consulting a professional; write the family member off. 5. I understand how the poor block the phone, and move. Yes--we have a terrible system. I understand you can't help her, but you are most likely ignorant to the cause of her psychological problems.
blt 8y ago
Psychotic disorders can turn sweet people into highly aggressive people. It's heartbreaking to see.
- DanBC 8y ago
  It's important to say that mental illness probably doesn't increase risk of violence by much. eg, this study: https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/183929 https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/183929 > In patients with schizophrenia, 1054 (13.2%) had at least 1 violent offense compared with 4276 (5.3%) of general population controls (adjusted odds ratio [OR], 2.0; 95% confidence interval [CI], 1.8-2.2). The risk was mostly confined to patients with substance abuse comorbidity (of whom 27.6% committed an offense), yielding an increased risk of violent crime among such patients (adjusted OR, 4.4; 95% CI, 3.9-5.0), whereas the risk increase was small in schizophrenia patients without substance abuse comorbidity (8.5% of whom had at least 1 violent offense; adjusted OR, 1.2; 95% CI, 1.1-1.4; P<.001 for interaction). The risk increase among those with substance abuse comorbidity was significantly less pronounced when unaffected siblings were used as controls (28.3% of those with schizophrenia had a violent offense compared with 17.9% of their unaffected siblings; adjusted OR, 1.8; 95% CI, 1.4-2.4; P<.001 for interaction), suggesting significant familial (genetic or early environmental) confounding of the association between schizophrenia and violence.
  - DtnB 8y ago
    Doesn't your own link say that there is a ~2.6 times higher likelihood of violent offenses in schizophrenia compared to the General Population? Of course, it does say that the effect is significantly more pronounced with a 'substance abuse co-morbidity' but I can't seem to find the likelihood of a substance abuse co-morbidity with schizophrenia in this paper. There also does not appear to be a definition for what they define as a 'substance abuse comorbidity' Looking it up: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2669586/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2669586/ "Schizophrenia Patients Report Consistently Higher Rates of Substance Abuse Than the General Population, Notably With Respect to 4 Licit (Nicotine and Alcohol) and Illicit (Cannabis and Cocaine) Substances" it also says this is not to be used as a baseline for studies but if Schizophrenia is commonly co-morbid with substance abuse then pointing out that mental illness doesn't increase violence by much seems like a red-herring.
evervevdww221 8y ago
I had been helping my bipolar ex-girlfriend all the time, and yet she did things to hurt me and push me away. I share the same feeling with you, although I'm still struggling if I should help her.
- eletious 8y ago
  Similar situation, though my girlfriend has borderline. It's a struggle, one that I occasionally wonder about the worthiness of, but I try to help her through her problems. I just wish I knew how to address the root issue. Two years working in support trying to perform RCAs on arcane issues and I can't find an answer to why my girlfriend is angry sometimes. It's disheartening to say the least but I haven't given up yet.
  - DenisM 8y ago
    Do you ever have a feeling that you’ve finally found the RC, only to have that feeling shattered two hours later?
  - Regardsyjc 8y ago
    The book I Hate You - Don't Leave Me helped me a lot, especially the SET communication skills. Learning DBT skills (The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Handbook) helped me a lot too especially emotional regulation. Having an amazing therapist who was supportive as well as a professional and personal support network helped too. I have borderline and I think working on myself has ironically made me a much better communicator. So there's hope. I don't know if this is the right explanation but I think someone with BPD is essentially a burn victim except with feelings. I am super sensitive and extreme. You're either amazing or the worst person in the world. When things get bad, I don't have any memory of good times. I can only see black or white- no grey. This comes from my childhood. My parents were extremely abusive. My dad told me to kill myself when I was suicidal. That's how I survived my childhood. I needed a clean slate and forget all the bad things. Today it hurts me more than it helped me then. In the past when I got upset, it was instantly I think we should break up. The pain whatever it was, was intolerable. And all those break up pains add up. Not only do they hurt me, but it hurt my partners. And I didn't feel like I could survive the feeling of being broken up with, so I was always trying to protect myself by breaking up first. It's still my first instinct whenever I get a whiff of something going bad - shit, do I need to end this? But now I keep it to myself. I wait. I put my crazy emotions together. Talk calmly. Use a lot of I statements. When you did this, it made me feel this. I'm lucky to have a ridiculously supportive partner. I think he's an alien or at least superhuman. We've never raised our voices at each other once since we've been together except to say I can't hear you from the bathroom haha. I've gotten a lot better. I'm still working on myself. I hope this helps a little and I wish you and your girlfriend the best. https://www.verywellmind.com/support-empathy-truth-set-for-borderline-personality-425229 https://www.verywellmind.com/support-empathy-truth-set-for-b...
dgut 8y ago
It's really hard to help a neurodivergent person. Normally, that requires having a special type of strong love for that person, the type of love that exists from parent to child (and not the other way around) for obvious evolutionary reasons... That said, the state in a truly civilized society could take better care of people who aren't neurotypical. Something I believe is lacking in the US.
lallysingh 8y ago
You don't have to have the same compassion for parents and others; they're too close. Have compassion for yourself first.
antocv 8y ago
I understand you, you made very good and the hardest choice. Mental disease is a disease air-borne AIDS, highly contagious Ebola, biological warfare weapon. The closer you are to the diseased person, the more sick you get yourself. There is no help for the diseased person, like with so many viruses as TBE.
- Arbitrary4657 8y ago
  You're pretty ignorant.
throw314159 8y ago
Just wanted to share that I am dealign with a similar situation and I feel the same way. In my case I am convinced my Mom has schizophrenia but she refuses to be evaluated. She is also a bright woman who has screwed up her life by accusing everybody who cares about her of stealing from her or working against her in some grand conspiracy. Everything revolves around her and everything is always somebody else's fault. When I was a kid I believed the world was working against us but when I grew up I realized that was not true it was just my Mom. A small piece of me cares for her but most of me hates her.

chris_mc 8y ago

She might be mentally ill and a shitty person... Also, sometimes you can have empathy, but can't personally handle someone. You have to do what's best for yourself, also.

westoncb 8y ago
This is a good time to employ some Occam's Razor: if we've already accounted for the shittiness via mental illness, what is our reason for introducing an additional explanation? Are certain extreme mental illnesses not enough to account for the most shitty of behaviors?
- bsder 8y ago
  Because sometimes people were shitty even before they became mentally ill ...
  - ndnxhs 8y ago
    What is the difference between being shitty and mentally ill?
    - bsder 8y ago
      They can be related but don't have to be. Shitty people sometimes become quite pleasant as dementia progresses. Some really nice people become completely nasty. Sometimes there is no change.
    - LanceH 8y ago
      The drowning person panics and drags you under. The shitty person pushes you overboard.
      - ndnxhs 8y ago
        So you are saying a mental illness is where you dont intend to cause harm? That would mean serial killers have perfect mental health.
    - evervevdww221 8y ago
      At least in my girlfriend's case, she seemed to feel regret after the maniac episode is over.
      - ndnxhs 8y ago
        That's dependant on the mental illness. What if your illness is you just dont care about anyone.
    - DoreenMichele 8y ago
      I suppose the answer to that depends on how meta you want go get, so to speak. But at its most basic, some people are just assholes without being irrational, stressed out, etc. Though you could easily argue they weren't raised right and are being stupid, basically.
      - ndnxhs 8y ago
        I'd argue that all negative behavioral issues are mental illnesses. One way to classify it would be biological mental illnesses and learned mental illnesses. For example autism being a biological one and PTSD being a leaned mental illness.
  - bdamm 8y ago
    As what, a toddler?
- DanBC 8y ago
  A person can be a shitty person, or a shitty person because of mental illness. Occam's razor prefers the first, right? You're introducing an additional explanation.
  - samatman 8y ago
    Occam's razor is the simplest explanation, not the simplest statement. Tautology has no explanatory power.
    - DanBC 8y ago
      Incorrect explanations have less explanatory power.
      - samatman 8y ago
        This is true, but Occam's Razor is "the simplest explanation is usually correct", so we have an infinite regress.
  - westoncb 8y ago
    Not if they've already been diagnosed with a mental illness, which is the situation at hand.
    - DanBC 8y ago
      ok, so this is more like the Linda Problem. It is more likely that a person is a shitty person than a person is a shitty person and has a mental illness.
      - westoncb 8y ago
        Hmm, there's an element you've left out of the situation that makes it different from a straight Linda Problem though. In logical terms, it looks like this. mental_illness -> shittiness being_a_naturally_shitty_person -> shittiness And we know know two things: 1) the person in question is exhibiting shittiness 2) the person in question has been diagnosed with a mental illness. So: mental_illness = true shittiness = true Whether being_a_naturally_shitty_person is true or false is something we have no information on. So, from that starting point, we already have an account for the shittiness being exhibited since: mental_illness -> shittiness and mental_ilness = true So if we want to go ahead and make the additional claim that being_a_naturally_shitty_person = true —you're violating Occam's Razor by introducing an unnecessary second cause when we already had a sufficient first one.
1000units 8y ago
This is often the case. More generally, every crook has a sob story. And it's important to not let that cloud your judgment. In judging a harmful person's character, all that matters is whether that person has definite potential to become a net-good person given spiritual instruction, social support, medication, or whatever. But if such a process is infeasible, then the person needs to be written off. Some people are irredeemably lost, and the only thing you can do is love them and pray for them, at a great distance.

AaronFriel 8y ago

I have nothing but sympathy for you. You no doubt wrote this knowing some, perhaps most people would not understand your decisions and chastise you for them. They don't understand, maybe never will. At the same time, I implore you not to give up. For people with mental illnesses like you describe, access to reliable Healthcare is everything. A good doctor who monitors their medications is everything. If I were to describe the situation in engineering terms, I'd say that every single support such a person receives is load bearing. Which is why it can be just so difficult, when only one failing can lead to collapse. I hope you are able to help her, provide her with something. If nothing else, try to put a roof over her head. Being homeless makes all of those other problems of access worse. It does suck. I hope you try again. If you need someone to chat with feel free to reach out to me. My email is mayreply at my name dot com.

phaus 8y ago
> A good doctor who monitors their medications is everything Even if you have good healthcare most doctors and even most specialists are terrible at dealing with anything that they don't see on a daily basis. Having a spouse with multiple rare chronic ailments has been eye opening.
topmonk 8y ago
I have to ask, why is it his responsibility? If his childhood is so bad that he has no connection to her why should he work to improve her life rather than the life of any other homeless or mentally ill people? It's like a double whammy. Not only is your childhood destroyed, you now are somehow considered by society responsible for her just because she is your biological mother.
- Sean1708 8y ago
  I don't think they're suggesting that it is his responsibility, they're encouraging him to keep trying (because he's in a better position to help than most are) rather than berating him for not trying.
  - 8y ago

nonbel 8y ago

This is about clinicians who are getting paid to deal with the person though. They should expect to have their efforts to "help" be sabotaged for seemingly no reason, be betrayed as a means to get self esteem, constant testing of boundaries, etc. Then they should make the decision of whether to take the project before ever needing to interact with the person.

bdamm 8y ago
What country are we talking about here?
- nonbel 8y ago
  Any country, I would think. You know a country where psychiatrists and other doctors work without getting paid somehow?
  - DoreenMichele 8y ago
    The US military provides free care of this sort to members and their dependents. They get paid a salary by the government, but don't charge the patients for care per se. I'm quite confident that's part of why therapy did me so much good. He wasn't going to make less money by actually being effective.
    - nonbel 8y ago
      The point, as far as my post was concerned, is that the doctor is getting paid. Not who is paying them.
      - deleted 8y ago
        [deleted]
  - bdamm 8y ago
    Well, there's a lot of situations in the US where the need for the doctor to be paid becomes a blockade to getting care, particularly for those in need of mental health.

Fordrus 8y ago

Sometimes mental illness turns a person into the moral equivalent of a natural disaster. We don’t exactly blame natural disasters for arriving. They didn’t intend malice towards us. But we don’t therefore let them destroy our homes or kill us because there was no malicious intent behind the disaster. We batten down the hatches, make our homes storm and earthquake proof, we douse fires in water and build protective cellars. Sometimes when mental illness turns a person into a malicious abuser, we have to protect ourselves regardless of whether we blame them fully for their actions or not. Nature turns the person into a disaster (sometimes, it’s not like EVERY case is like this), and when it does that, we’re justified in doing want it takes protect ourselves, to keep from being abused or harmed - not blaming them doesn’t mean we have to go out and stand in the storm, so to speak. Here’s wishing you peace and happiness. :)

lamename 8y ago
This is a great perspective for reconciling the "not their fault" idea (which science seems to support overall) with practical measures in daily life. Excellent.

icantdrive55 8y ago

1. She's blaming the imaginary. She needs Professional help. 2. I understand you can't deal with it. 3. Get her professional help if you can. 4. I understand the poor whom turn their backs. I don't understand when the wealthy play Psychological know-it-all, and without consulting a professional; write the family member off. 5. I understand how the poor block the phone, and move. Yes--we have a terrible system. I understand you can't help her, but you are most likely ignorant to the cause of her psychological problems.

blt 8y ago

Psychotic disorders can turn sweet people into highly aggressive people. It's heartbreaking to see.

DanBC 8y ago
It's important to say that mental illness probably doesn't increase risk of violence by much. eg, this study: https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/183929 https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/183929 > In patients with schizophrenia, 1054 (13.2%) had at least 1 violent offense compared with 4276 (5.3%) of general population controls (adjusted odds ratio [OR], 2.0; 95% confidence interval [CI], 1.8-2.2). The risk was mostly confined to patients with substance abuse comorbidity (of whom 27.6% committed an offense), yielding an increased risk of violent crime among such patients (adjusted OR, 4.4; 95% CI, 3.9-5.0), whereas the risk increase was small in schizophrenia patients without substance abuse comorbidity (8.5% of whom had at least 1 violent offense; adjusted OR, 1.2; 95% CI, 1.1-1.4; P<.001 for interaction). The risk increase among those with substance abuse comorbidity was significantly less pronounced when unaffected siblings were used as controls (28.3% of those with schizophrenia had a violent offense compared with 17.9% of their unaffected siblings; adjusted OR, 1.8; 95% CI, 1.4-2.4; P<.001 for interaction), suggesting significant familial (genetic or early environmental) confounding of the association between schizophrenia and violence.
- DtnB 8y ago
  Doesn't your own link say that there is a ~2.6 times higher likelihood of violent offenses in schizophrenia compared to the General Population? Of course, it does say that the effect is significantly more pronounced with a 'substance abuse co-morbidity' but I can't seem to find the likelihood of a substance abuse co-morbidity with schizophrenia in this paper. There also does not appear to be a definition for what they define as a 'substance abuse comorbidity' Looking it up: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2669586/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2669586/ "Schizophrenia Patients Report Consistently Higher Rates of Substance Abuse Than the General Population, Notably With Respect to 4 Licit (Nicotine and Alcohol) and Illicit (Cannabis and Cocaine) Substances" it also says this is not to be used as a baseline for studies but if Schizophrenia is commonly co-morbid with substance abuse then pointing out that mental illness doesn't increase violence by much seems like a red-herring.

evervevdww221 8y ago

I had been helping my bipolar ex-girlfriend all the time, and yet she did things to hurt me and push me away. I share the same feeling with you, although I'm still struggling if I should help her.

eletious 8y ago
Similar situation, though my girlfriend has borderline. It's a struggle, one that I occasionally wonder about the worthiness of, but I try to help her through her problems. I just wish I knew how to address the root issue. Two years working in support trying to perform RCAs on arcane issues and I can't find an answer to why my girlfriend is angry sometimes. It's disheartening to say the least but I haven't given up yet.
- DenisM 8y ago
  Do you ever have a feeling that you’ve finally found the RC, only to have that feeling shattered two hours later?
- Regardsyjc 8y ago
  The book I Hate You - Don't Leave Me helped me a lot, especially the SET communication skills. Learning DBT skills (The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Handbook) helped me a lot too especially emotional regulation. Having an amazing therapist who was supportive as well as a professional and personal support network helped too. I have borderline and I think working on myself has ironically made me a much better communicator. So there's hope. I don't know if this is the right explanation but I think someone with BPD is essentially a burn victim except with feelings. I am super sensitive and extreme. You're either amazing or the worst person in the world. When things get bad, I don't have any memory of good times. I can only see black or white- no grey. This comes from my childhood. My parents were extremely abusive. My dad told me to kill myself when I was suicidal. That's how I survived my childhood. I needed a clean slate and forget all the bad things. Today it hurts me more than it helped me then. In the past when I got upset, it was instantly I think we should break up. The pain whatever it was, was intolerable. And all those break up pains add up. Not only do they hurt me, but it hurt my partners. And I didn't feel like I could survive the feeling of being broken up with, so I was always trying to protect myself by breaking up first. It's still my first instinct whenever I get a whiff of something going bad - shit, do I need to end this? But now I keep it to myself. I wait. I put my crazy emotions together. Talk calmly. Use a lot of I statements. When you did this, it made me feel this. I'm lucky to have a ridiculously supportive partner. I think he's an alien or at least superhuman. We've never raised our voices at each other once since we've been together except to say I can't hear you from the bathroom haha. I've gotten a lot better. I'm still working on myself. I hope this helps a little and I wish you and your girlfriend the best. https://www.verywellmind.com/support-empathy-truth-set-for-borderline-personality-425229 https://www.verywellmind.com/support-empathy-truth-set-for-b...

dgut 8y ago

It's really hard to help a neurodivergent person. Normally, that requires having a special type of strong love for that person, the type of love that exists from parent to child (and not the other way around) for obvious evolutionary reasons... That said, the state in a truly civilized society could take better care of people who aren't neurotypical. Something I believe is lacking in the US.

lallysingh 8y ago

You don't have to have the same compassion for parents and others; they're too close. Have compassion for yourself first.

antocv 8y ago

I understand you, you made very good and the hardest choice. Mental disease is a disease air-borne AIDS, highly contagious Ebola, biological warfare weapon. The closer you are to the diseased person, the more sick you get yourself. There is no help for the diseased person, like with so many viruses as TBE.

Arbitrary4657 8y ago
You're pretty ignorant.

throw314159 8y ago

Just wanted to share that I am dealign with a similar situation and I feel the same way. In my case I am convinced my Mom has schizophrenia but she refuses to be evaluated. She is also a bright woman who has screwed up her life by accusing everybody who cares about her of stealing from her or working against her in some grand conspiracy. Everything revolves around her and everything is always somebody else's fault. When I was a kid I believed the world was working against us but when I grew up I realized that was not true it was just my Mom. A small piece of me cares for her but most of me hates her.