4 ms·

I wish there was a way to send this to my programmer coworker without seeming like a jerk. He insists we "work" together, meaning, we're in the same physical s

by daenz 8y ago

I wish there was a way to send this to my programmer coworker without seeming like a jerk. He insists we "work" together, meaning, we're in the same physical space, working on two different projects, and he interrupts my train of thought every 2 minutes with an arbitrary question about the thing he's working on. I'm close to a snapping point and don't know how to address it tactfully. What I want to say: "us working together may enhance your productivity by 50% but slows mine down by 80%."

HiroshiSan 8y ago
Seems like it's worth having that conversation before you hold more resentment.
GW150914 8y ago
You could try a bit of roleplay with your friends, script out some different ways to get the point across and so on. The most important thing is that you talk to this person sooner rather than later, when you’ll be unable to control your emotions because you’re ready to snap. Be polite, be direct, be firm, and then stick by it.
snoman 8y ago
The next time it happens, have a conversation with him about time-boxing. That is, say something like this: Him: <some question> You: "Hey, that's an interesting question. Time-box an investigation into that to 20 minutes, and then we'll dig in after that if you're still not sure about the solution." If he asks what time-boxing is, then you can have the discussion about actively investigating a solution for a specific amount of time. If, at the end of that time, you don't have a solid lead on a solution, then you reach out to your peers. That means, you have input to answer questions if your peers have any, and you know some simple solutions that don't work, and why. That's what I've done with jr engineers for a number of years now and it works great. You have to do it a couple of times before they turn it into a habit, and internalize it, but eventually they bother you less and become better engineers in the process.
- daenz 8y ago
  Thanks. Admittedly, I've been giving positive re-enforcement to his questions by answering them immediately. Which I realize is doing us both a disservice. It's now easier for him to ask me than to spend time investigating, and it's easier for me to answer quickly to get back to my work. But it's just making the problem worse. It's become programming by proxy.
crooked-v 8y ago
You seem to have internalized Geek Fallacy #1. https://pkeros.wordpress.com/2014/02/21/on-the-five-geek-social-fallacies-part-i/ https://pkeros.wordpress.com/2014/02/21/on-the-five-geek-soc...
- daenz 8y ago
  Could you elaborate a little further in this context? I don't want to ostracize because, in the end, we're both working towards the same goals. It's just our methods are becoming unhealthy. I'm looking to make them more healthy.
  - crooked-v 8y ago
    What I mean is that it's perfectly fine to politely but firmly reject people from activities you take part in with no special reason given. It isn't "being a jerk" to just tell someone you don't want to pair program with them, and you don't need an excuse for it.
bonestamp2 8y ago
Lots of options. 1. Talk to him about it. 2. Make it more difficult for him to talk to you (put headphones on) 3. Decline working in the same space as him regularly because "I really need to concentrate today".
beaconstudios 8y ago
Just be honest with him. Tell him you want to help but at the same time, when you break off you are losing track and it's making it hard to do deep work. Tell him you want him to get the help he needs but you also need to complete your own work, and open up a dialog for ways you can both strike a balance. If he's asking questions out of laziness, using you as a replacement for Google, next time he asks tell him to do some investigating and that you can't always give him the easy answer. It's a key programmer skill.
irrational 8y ago
Do you work with my coworker? Does he make little noises (sighs, hmmmms, Ohhhhs) when he wants to talk to you? Does he make the noises more frequently and louder when you ignore him? Does he stare at you, trying to catch your eye while you studiously stare at your monitor?
- tluyben2 8y ago
  Ah yes, the staring. People being polite not to disturb you so they sit next to you staring at you.
deleted 8y ago
[deleted]

by daenz 8y ago

HiroshiSan 8y ago

Seems like it's worth having that conversation before you hold more resentment.

GW150914 8y ago

You could try a bit of roleplay with your friends, script out some different ways to get the point across and so on. The most important thing is that you talk to this person sooner rather than later, when you’ll be unable to control your emotions because you’re ready to snap. Be polite, be direct, be firm, and then stick by it.

snoman 8y ago

The next time it happens, have a conversation with him about time-boxing. That is, say something like this: Him: <some question> You: "Hey, that's an interesting question. Time-box an investigation into that to 20 minutes, and then we'll dig in after that if you're still not sure about the solution." If he asks what time-boxing is, then you can have the discussion about actively investigating a solution for a specific amount of time. If, at the end of that time, you don't have a solid lead on a solution, then you reach out to your peers. That means, you have input to answer questions if your peers have any, and you know some simple solutions that don't work, and why. That's what I've done with jr engineers for a number of years now and it works great. You have to do it a couple of times before they turn it into a habit, and internalize it, but eventually they bother you less and become better engineers in the process.

daenz 8y ago
Thanks. Admittedly, I've been giving positive re-enforcement to his questions by answering them immediately. Which I realize is doing us both a disservice. It's now easier for him to ask me than to spend time investigating, and it's easier for me to answer quickly to get back to my work. But it's just making the problem worse. It's become programming by proxy.

crooked-v 8y ago

You seem to have internalized Geek Fallacy #1. https://pkeros.wordpress.com/2014/02/21/on-the-five-geek-social-fallacies-part-i/ https://pkeros.wordpress.com/2014/02/21/on-the-five-geek-soc...

daenz 8y ago
Could you elaborate a little further in this context? I don't want to ostracize because, in the end, we're both working towards the same goals. It's just our methods are becoming unhealthy. I'm looking to make them more healthy.
- crooked-v 8y ago
  What I mean is that it's perfectly fine to politely but firmly reject people from activities you take part in with no special reason given. It isn't "being a jerk" to just tell someone you don't want to pair program with them, and you don't need an excuse for it.

bonestamp2 8y ago

Lots of options. 1. Talk to him about it. 2. Make it more difficult for him to talk to you (put headphones on) 3. Decline working in the same space as him regularly because "I really need to concentrate today".

beaconstudios 8y ago

Just be honest with him. Tell him you want to help but at the same time, when you break off you are losing track and it's making it hard to do deep work. Tell him you want him to get the help he needs but you also need to complete your own work, and open up a dialog for ways you can both strike a balance. If he's asking questions out of laziness, using you as a replacement for Google, next time he asks tell him to do some investigating and that you can't always give him the easy answer. It's a key programmer skill.

irrational 8y ago

Do you work with my coworker? Does he make little noises (sighs, hmmmms, Ohhhhs) when he wants to talk to you? Does he make the noises more frequently and louder when you ignore him? Does he stare at you, trying to catch your eye while you studiously stare at your monitor?

tluyben2 8y ago
Ah yes, the staring. People being polite not to disturb you so they sit next to you staring at you.

deleted 8y ago

[deleted]