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Hmm, maybe I phrased my original comment incorrectly. I'm not trying to say that self-sufficiency is bad, but rather that loneliness is not entirely bad, and in
by majos 8y ago
Hmm, maybe I phrased my original comment incorrectly. I'm not trying to say that self-sufficiency is bad, but rather that loneliness is not entirely bad, and indeed a little neediness maybe appreciated by people close to you. I think at least low levels of this need are present in almost everybody, even many HN stoic types who've come to believe that true self-sufficiency is a worthy goal. Especially for those people, I think paying attention to that kind of loneliness can actually be good.
- Baeocystin 8y agoI don't think we particularly disagree overall- I completely agree with you in that most everyone appreciates feeling useful and helpful to the ones we care about. It is just that I chafe at the word neediness. Speaking just for myself- If I were to suddenly succumb to the Bus Factor, I know all of my friends would be just fine. Sad, but fine. They don't 'need' me. (This is not a self-esteem issue- the same is true in reverse.) But this actually makes me feel good, in the sense that I have trust in them to carry on doing the things we all enjoy, even if something bad happens to any one of us. We still improve each other's lives while we're here! I feel that this is a healthy form of peer relationship. Compare that to a situation where someone genuinely 'needs' something about our relationship. At that point, it becomes more of a caretaker role, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but I don't personally see it as nearly as comforting, in either direction.